ALMOST GASTRIC BYPASS

DAY 242, WEDNESDAY, JAN 12, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-12T09:47:00.000-05:00

     They all looked great. Grandma Clara was at the stove, making a pot of Chicken Soup. I watched the foam rise to the top, she lowered the temperature on the big pot and skimmed some of the fat off. She put it into an old metal coffee can, and as she looked at me she said, “Shmaltz, its the secret to the latkes, don't tell.” I smiled, gave her a kiss on her cheek, and watched the carrots, chicken, onions and water simmer as they were turning into the greatest meal you could enjoy. A bag of thin noodles was at the ready, and a pot of boiling water awaited them when the soup would be closer to completion. The smell in the kitchen was fantastic.
     Grandpa Joe sat at the table in his usual chair. The dining room was attached to the kitchen in the house, and Joe was always at the kitchen table, not the dining room table. He was saying something about a piece of Flanken he had brought home from the Kosher market. "It was a beauty, I am sure the big shots will love it." Grandma Clara was going to cook that into a brisket, and serve that with carrots and egg noodles as well in a rich brown gravy. These noodles also were on the counter, wider, and the same brand as the soup noodles. Clara explained that these had to be made separately, and they were not interchangeable. With the snow falling, it was lucky she had them both at hand. I heard some noise from the den, so I went to check it out.
     Dressed in dinner attire were my other Grandparents, and a woman that I couldn't make out at first. Abe and Gert had never had dinner at my Grandpa Joe and Grandma Clara's house. I had no idea as to why they had come. I said hello, Gert gave me a peckish kiss on one cheek while Grandpa Abe punched me in the arm hello. They had driven in from Manhattan for dinner. I had no clue as to why they braved the storm for Chicken soup, brisket and potato pancakes, but they were there. Gert was on the phone, chatting to someone, and Abe was watching the TV as the Knicks were playing. Almost surreal, I figured I had done something wrong to warrant all these Grandparents at one time. I asked how everyone was, and Abe grunted at me "Fine." Gert asked me about mu brothers and sisters, and said that she had seen all the Great grandkids. She was very proud. Out of the corner of my eye, on the reclining chair that he had next to the trundle bed that I slept on when visiting was a woman that I couldn't place at first. More people, festive, I went over to say hi. Two steps, it was a small den, and my Grandma Freida gave me a hug. She told me her mother Rose couldn't make dinner, as the snow had her stuck in with my Aunt Miriam in Brooklyn. This was getting odd, and my head was spinning.
    Five Grandparents at once, in your face all at the same time could scare the pants off anyone. I knew the Chicken soup was good, and that the pancakes were awesome with the homemade apple sauce and all, but being alone with all this family was going to be a tough meal for me. Where were my siblings, and what was the occasion,....
     I shoveled for 30 minutes, as my neighbor with the snow plow gave us a great head start. All done, I am inside resting as Sue finishes up and makes it neat. I am not sure if I lost consciousness for the meal above, but with my jacket on, tight hood, a cap from Beaches, the wind cold and the lifting, I could swear the meal was started and finished while resting on the mound of snow I moved. Sipping a bottle of water and hoping to not have to go back for dessert with my grandparents. They all looked great, just as I had remembered each of them before their funerals. I miss them, and as I shoveled I realized it was not my time to join them.
     Keep the weight on your fat asses, and take your time with the losing plan, no rush. The way I figure it, if we have already met, and something should happen to you, I will remember you just as well. If we have never met, then it has been fun. If you are serious about your health, as I have become over the past 240 days, then pacing yourself to getting healthy is fucking stupid. I must say I miss the soup the most, and my arm aches for a tap from Abe....No rush people, but....

DAY 242, WEDNESDAY, JAN 12, 2011

2011-01-12T07:28:00.000-05:00

Another snow storm and the sun is coming up. Plows were ready here, as the 2011 budgets kicked in and the streets are clear. With 12 inches or snow, and a wind that will shoot your balls into your throat, the weather is here. By 8:30 we will go out to shovel. Driveway, stairs, sidewalk, all fun. After that, The Fighter, Black Swan, Meet the Fockers and The Tourist on DVD's from a friend in the business. Screener copies, to watch first run movies in the comfort of my living room. Let it Snow, restaurant is closed in advance of the storm, although it could have been much worse.
Diet continues. 2 eggs on a plate for me this morning, and one egg for Stanley to enjoy as I ate. 2 bottles of water in, coffee x 2 big mugs and the morning moves along. The refigerator came just in time, we stocked it las night with what we needed, and all is well. More later, after the shovel.

DAY 241, TUESDAY, JAN 11, 2011 PART 3

2011-01-11T17:13:00.001-05:00

     There are times when I laugh so hard I pee... I saw this on one of the comments that the Rejecting 300 girl made to herself...
Rejecting 300 said...
Swan: sorry dear you followed after I wrote the post for yesterday. I tend to write them in the morning and then just add food and activity in the evening. I am aware of Allen's blog, I don't read it anymore but I know he trashes me. I don't mind; he's just bitter because I rejected him.

     So we are on the same page, please allow the lies about a weight plan, a weight loss, and consuming less calories than Twiggy to slip. Believe whatever this obese slob has to say about her eating less than an Ethiopian looking at the camera asking for a dollar a day to feed a child. Forget everything you read. When she says that I am bitter because she rejected me then you can be assured that her bullshit about losing weight is either an attempt at comedy, or the painful suffering of a brain injured young child. As for the reading of my blog, well like having to see a train wreck, you all come back. I know she reads this. As for rejecting me, stick to trying to not hit 300 pounds by the Spring, rather than delude yourself that I give a rats ass about you having anything to do with something I believe in. How I am bitter at you, that also is a delusional tale you tell yourself. Do I know you, other than from the crap you spew ? Did I talk with you ? Did you want to join a challenge and have a better plan, and I laughed at you ? Any of the above ? Not sure where to begin.
     For the record, and not the delusional one from her posts, I could care less whether you gain weight or lose weight. I do care that some unsuspecting soul, with a deathly need to lose weight might stumble on your bullshit and think you knew a damn thing. That is scary, not a reason to be bitter. Again, while making a fool of yourself might make you smile and feel better, that is fine until the first person takes your shit as reality and gets hurt. As for losing weight, well in time you will figure out what the rest of know. You are young and naive and uneducated. Time will help you. Making things up, not so much...

DAY 241, TUESDAY, JAN 11, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-11T14:29:00.000-05:00

     A lot of you guys read this blog for shits and giggles. You like to see whom I will point out for their crazy and you get a little vicarious thrill when I expose the goof balls. Some of you might just read the blog for ideas on how to lose a shit load of weight in a rapid fashion. I write this for me, and I hope you get a kick out of it as I go. I read a lot. I learn from everyone, even the people that in my opinion make no sense at all. In the end, if everyone loses weight, then awesome. I take this, as I have said all the time, as if it is life and death. Today Kelly, one of the Challenge participants wrote a little rant about her Aunt. The post has been read by some of you already. If you have not, then go there now. If you think that your health is not at risk when you are very fat or obese or heavier, then think again. I make fun of the people that eat Nachos when on a diet because I am sad for them. They can not see it, they don't want to admit it, and they feel above it. The It is DEATH. I can not tell you enough that I am not out of the woods from self inflicted death from cookies and cake and pizza. You eat it, you poop, and the crap that you do not digest that hangs around in you is death. It is very simple, and nothing is more poignant than Death. Don't take my word for it, read the post today.
     On another note, I got a really nice comment today from a woman that I think lives in Australia. It went like this...
you unknowingly participated in changing my life -- I found your blog. (I emailed you about where to find burnt sugar essence because I wanted to make Black Cake.) You were working in a job that did not make you happy. You have come a long way since then. Five years from now, each of the challengers who stick with your suggestions will be able to say the same. And who knows -- you might be on an author tour, or working on vol. II!
     Ask me again why I bother to do this. See above. That made me smile....

DAY 241, TUESDAY, JAN 11, 2011

2011-01-11T07:46:00.002-05:00

     In 115 days or so, I will have been following a life style plan, diet, change of life, whatever you call it, for a full year. At 46 years old, the 365 days spent getting healthy will be a fart on the novel that is my life. With a lot of effort, I will be 45 - 50 pounds lighter than I am now, on May 6th. One year in my life, 210 pounds off. The blogging inspiration, Sean, that I read about when I started accomplished this is 10 months. He started a little bigger than I was, and he inspires me daily. The time doing this is not the goal or the prize. Getting the weight off is. It is not easy, the past is the past, and itonly strengthens the resolve. It has nothing to do with what is to come. I write this for me, so this is my little summary. I eat no meat, chicken, turkey, pork or meat products since I started. I find that the meats are not digested well by my body, and the effort that my body spends on digesting steak is better spent burning fat. The actual science to back this up, I don't have that. It is just the way it works in my obese, now fat body.
     I replaced the meat with fish, vegetables and air. There are no pastas, rice, potatoes (although I have had 1/4 cup of roasted potatoes on occassion) or sugars. I have added flour to the diet, as I have been known to have a hollowed out bagel, or a slice or two of bread with my tuna. I did not have any carbs to speak of for the first 6 months. No carbs (under 20 grams per day), with a very low calorie diet is better for me as I was definitelty per-diabetic. As I have not seen sugar since the first day, my carbs are very low by default. I count every calorie I ingest, and I now portion the food by sight, rather than actually weighing everything I eat. After 8 months I know how to do this by eye and the results back that up. I am focused on the weight loss more than anything else in my life. When I reach my goal of 199 pounds I will continue the life style I created and see what it does for me.
     I have re-tasted pasta recently, and it does nothing for me. It has no taste, and I do not miss it. I have learned to enjoy salads, fish, alot of shrimp, and the concept of living without things. I firmly believe in food abstinence rather than finding ways to eat the same foods in a smaller fashion. That is controversial to obese and fat people. Around here it is taboo to talk about not eating certain foods until you are at a goal weight. Around here folks love to talk about eating 3 cookies and some skim milk as a snack that has the same calories as a grapefruit. Around here, the snack is the same thing to alot of obese and fat people. Rather than educate, explain what I have learned and back it up with science, I now choose to laugh and point it out. That's me, not for you to be concerned with me, but that is me. Fat people pointing out what is ok to eat when you are on a diet is a sign of what not to do.
     The refrigerator is due to come today at some as yet unknown time. It will be nice to have the food readily at hand. Not the end of the world, 48 hours without a refrigerator is not a big deal. It is something to be appreciated after living without one for 2 days. I do have to fill it tonight, as the next snow storm is due to start late this evening. Another 2 feet of snow is predicted. Yay for us. I did manage to drink 4 cans of Diet Pepsi Max yesterday, as it was nice and cold on the porch. Maybe a little less today, with the waters. I slept well, but that much caffeine can't be great. Phase 4 continues, and as we lose folks, the total loss for the week was 126 pounds. More to follow..

DAY 240, MONDAY, JAN 10, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-10T14:40:00.002-05:00

Ten days into the new year, a week into Phase 4 of the Challenge, and people are dropping like birds fucked up from the Antartic changing magnetic pull on the Earth. 2012 is around the corner, and dieting seems to be on the back burner in anticipation. I am not sure why, it seems that not eating is getting tougher out there. I used to be able to justify eating anything. It didn't matter what the caloric value of something was. When I was chowing, it didn't mean crap to me as to what the eventual ramifications on my heart, lungs, other organs and body might be. It did not matter for a second. I am sitting here, munching on a McIntosh Apple, and watching Man vs. Food on the big screen. The host, Adam Richman, is in Baldwin, NY in this taped episode at one of my old favorite restaurants, International Delights Cafe. I enjoy watching TV shows showcasing places that I have been. Adam is pussy footing around, waiting to show us that he will order a dessert called "The World." What he won't tell you is that it is a dessert bulit for a group of 15 people, and with that many folks chowing, it is not a horribly insane dessert choice with 14 guests.

     What I used to eat there was not only bizarre in its scope of tastes, but it explains a bit when I tell you why I can not stand people anymore that justify horrible eating. First, so we are on the same page, I think eating horrible crap is great, awesome, and I wish that one day I can enjoy some of the crap I used to eat, but in moderation. I can not eat a little of anything there now, and I am jealous. If you choose to eat all that crap then I applaud your right to choose and I could only dream about the past. If you blog that you are on a diet, and then justify all the crap, then STFU already, you are an idiot. Please make the distinction, and it will help you understand this forum. Weight loss, not Weight maintenance and not how can we get as much crap into our bodies and still not gain a lot. Ya feel me. Anyone can eat all the crap. Not eating it is a Challenge
     A typical meal at Intl Delights for me was simple. As it is a combo Greek and Italian restaurant, smushed with a Diner and a Dessert shoppe, you can literally eat the oddest food combinations that can be imagined. Sue and I would start with the Large Macaroni and Cheese appetizer and the Mozzarella Sticks. Figure I had 1,800 calories before my main course. What few know about the Intl Delights, and I can assure you that I know food, is that they sell Veal Francaise. Think tender, lightly breaded and sauteed Veal Cutlets in a lemon and butter sauce, served on a Ciabatta hero that would put 5 star restaurants to shame. You order burgers and shakes here, unless you know the secrets. Think Lobster at McDonald's. It makes no sense, but I miss it dearly. Priced insanely cheap for what they serve, the $8.95 sandwich tastes similar to a $29.99 entree at better looking restaurants. The skin on ala carte french fries, with gravy and cheese are a must as well. Sue would order the loaded Nachos, with chili and cheese, and some potato skins with that for her dinner. Figure my meal, after the first 1,800 calorie appetizer share, was another 5,000 calories. Yummy, and I saved some room for what they are known for.
     Belgian waffles (10" hubcaps), freshly made, covered in 3 scoops of homemade Gelato. A lighter Ice Cream, with more air whipped in, then covered with fudge and whipped cream. Easily finished as it was light as air, and the 5,000 calories were fabulous. Figure I had 11,000 to 12,000 calories, and we went twice per month. Not one time did I think I was wrong, over eating, or a slob. Not once did I blog about a diet, a life style plan, or getting healthy. Not once since I started do I begrudge anyone going there to eat. If you are on a diet though, and reject 300 or want to be half of 440, then do not get me started.
     That said, we revised the numbers with the May 1 anticipated weights. This was based on FOLLOWING THE PLAN, with little or no changes or deviations. I took out the drop outs as well. The numbers should inspire everyone, especially the Challengers. I swear by these numbers, they are scientific and will play out over the course of the event. The Challengers can not eat anything that I listed above. They can not go to a restaurant and try to weasel the food into the plan. First, change your life, get to your goal, and then live in moderation. I know how to eat. I am learning how to lose the weight I put on. Patience, a plan, and Focus...

DAY 240, MONDAY, JAN 10, 2011

2011-01-10T05:32:00.004-05:00

     Crack of dawn early. I measure my sleep progress by how long I stay in the bed without peeing or getting out for any reason other than peeing. I got in after Californication last night. I tried to sit through the show after that with Joey from Friends, but after 10 minutes it felt like I had popped 2 Ambiens. That show was a horror. Crawled into bed at 9:40, still miss the fridge. Passed out immediately and got up at 4:30 on the nose. Clock illuminated, dogs snoring and wife not moving. I got up and put on my Gym stuff as we are going there at 6:00 AM to work out. Almost 7 hours of straight sleep for me is fantastic. Having cured the onset Apnea by losing the first 100 pounds, sleep is a great thing. If I could lose some dogs in bed next,,,,
     We have 63 people left in the Challenge after Week 1. Ten folks for whatever the reason opted out. Forward we go, wishing them well on their paths, as we strive for a loss of a ton by May 1. We will be very close, if everyone stays in.
     Taking the day to get a refrigerator, make sure it gets here today, and then back to the market after to stock it. Great waste of a day. Have to remember to keep up with the waters and watch the food. It does not get easier yet, and monitoring your life daily is important. Dreams of intutive eating of course, but until I get to the Goal, not so much.
     I did get an email that wanted some clarification from the misinformed blogger that eats Nachos, wings and pizza on her diet. The email told me I was making it up for humor. Here is a little love from her blog, it is part of her Articles-of-Faith. If ever you needed to pray, this ignorant child needs a bigger church:

(http://rejecting300.blogspot.com/2010/12/articles-of-faith.html). Completely cutting food that I love out of my diet is not part of my plan and never has been. It makes no difference if calories come from cheese burgers or grapes, calories are all the same, they are all created equal.
(STOP RIGHT THERE, THAT WAS NOT ONLY WRONG, IT IS SCARY IN ITS IGNORANCE. A POUND OF FAT WEIGHS THE SAME AS A POUND OF FEATHERS, BUT A 1000 CALORIES OF FUDGE WILL FUCK YOU UP 1000 TIMES WORSE THAN A 1000 CALORIES OF CARROTS)

Eating too many calories creates fat. Eating fewer calories than you burn leads to weight loss. The only thing that It is beneficial to eat healthier calories for a lot of reasons such as vitamins and nutrients, and the fact that they tend to be more filling whereas empty calories lead to usually feeling hungry a short time later; but as long as I don't go over 1,600 calories a day, the occasional nachos pizza and buffalo wings will make no difference on my diet.
(AGAIN, WRONG, CONTRADICTORY TO HER PLAN, AND THE 2 PEOPLE THAT COMMENT HAVE YET TO CORRECT HER AT ALL)

The formula is calories in minus calories out = weight loss and the formula makes no stipulation as to where the calories come from.
(HOSTESS TWINKIE COLLEGE - CLASS OF 2014. WHO MAKES THIS PLAN ?)

The efforts I have made to eat healthier while simultaneously counting calories have been solely for the fact that I desire healthier skin, hair, nails etc. which come from the vitamins and nutrients found in the healthier foods. The changes to my diet that I am making now are changes that I plan to keep long after the weight is off.
(PIZZA, NACHOS, FRIED CHICKEN, IN BED FOR DAYS AT A TIME, GREAT NUTRITION ?
WHEN DOES THE EFFORT BEGIN ? )

That means finding a balance between food I love and food that is good for me. Eliminating food that I love now just to lose weight quicker will only lead to a massive binge and rebound once I've lost it. I know this how? Because this is not the first time that I've gained or lost a lot of weight. I've yo-yo'd my entire life up and down and up and down because I went on drastic diet changes to lose, deprived myself of food I loved, spent the entire time thinking about "once I've lost the weight I can't wait to eat X again" and then the next thing I knew I was over 200 lbs again.
(YOU HAVEN'T SEEN 200 POUNDS SINCE REGAN WAS IN THE OVAL OFFICE)

This time I am going to teach myself how to enjoy the foods I love but do so in occasional moderation so that by the time the weight is off I will have developed a habit of enjoying the foods I love in moderation and I will carry that habit with me through life after weight loss.

     I'm all for self help. I am all for following your own path. But this shit is too funny for words. In the end, it isn't even the author that is the only one very confused. Yeah, the lies about 60,000 calories over the past 63 days are annoying and all, but that is not the worst part. The comments that are posted, although most of you guys are smart enough to stay away from there while reading and laughing, are even funnier. So we are on the same page, a 300 pound woman on under 1000 calories per day as a diet is very hard. It is possible, but this child is not even close. Promoting that story is actually quite disrespectful to not only herself, but to those that actually live on that level and achieve success. The 50 pound weight loss minimum that her "eating" would bring has only shown up as an 18 pound loss on her "numbers". Somewhere there is a problem and I think it may be her Articles of Faith.
     I could care less about this child, my fear is that someone would read this self righteous crap and believe it. She believes it, because eating Fried Chicken is tastier than eating carrots and celery, but her beliefs do not make it fact. Follow people that lost weight, not me as I am still learing and trying, but find people that know what the hell they are talking about. This shit is too precious. As for the e-mailer that wanted the proof, here it is, I told you I can't make this shit up !!

DAY 239, SUNDAY, JAN 9, 2011 PART 3

2011-01-09T19:31:00.000-05:00

It never ends. Got home, put the groceries into the refrigerator, sat down to do the numbers and things, and relaxed. At 4:30 it was time to prep the early dinner. Opened the freezer and it was not cold. Opened the refrigerator, and it was not cold. We need a new fridge. Yay, something to buy tomorrow. How great is that. Lost all the frozen stuff that was Sugar Free Ice Cream. Melted. Sue remembered that the new wine cooler was a refrigerator. She took out the wine, and loaded in the perishables. The frozen stuff that could be saved is in a big cooler, on the back deck. It is 22 degrees out there, so all is well until manana. Never fails.
All good on the weight front, too pissed off to eat. Need a bottle of water, have to go outside to the cooler. So happy. Enjoy the night ....

DAY 239, SUNDAY, JAN 9, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-09T13:06:00.003-05:00

Let's face it, when it comes to comittment about weight loss I am a big fat pain in the ass. Having been a pig, on and off for 540 months on this planet, my eating well for 8 months or so means crap. The loss is great and I am pleased as all crap about it, but I know that tomorrow I can go back to being a pig. I have no safety net except the memory of 540 months of being that big old pig. I am focused, I want everyone I know to feel this great, and with some help, I have set up a series of Challenges that is now in Phase 4. With 64 people involved, they could tell you stories of daily e-mails that would curdle your toes. I take this as a life and death thing.

     With week One of Phase 4 in the books, the results are in and they are amazing. With a loss of 128 pounds in the first week, we are well on our way to losing a ton, literally over 2000 pounds of fat in the next 16 more weeks. The Challengers are getting a pass this week for personal criticism and personal nit picking. The only thing that everyone should know is that the math does not lie. There are water retention issues, cleaning out the 8 pounds of fluids we drink daily, and our bodies all have metabolism and resistance issues.
     All that said, here are some facts, not conjecture, but facts.
     If you weigh 300 pounds, and limit yourself to the assigned 1200 calories per day, while hydrating properly, with or without exercise you will lose 2.5 pounds per week. If you lost 1 - 4 pounds this week, the scale will catch up a week later. Over 28 days, you will drop 10 pounds. There is no magic, no shock, and it is hard to fool the scale on a monthly basis. It takes about 4 months, 40 pounds off our asses from 300 pounds to 260 pounds for the same exact math to change to 9 pounds per month loss. That 9 pounds per month will continue for around 3 more months and drop to 8 pounds per month loss after that. That will last for 2 more months or so, and from there, 6-10 pounds off per month will be maintained. There are swings within that time frame, and there are contributing factors. The math is based on one thing: COMMITMENT !
     Drinking the fluids recommended sometimes, and eating above or off the plan are not part of this Challenge. The plan, when followed, will get us to where we want to be. That is the point of the plan, the point of a Challenge to follow this plan, and the reason all the work is done. Not losing weight, while on 1200 calories per week, when you are morbidly obese, obese or really fat is near impossible. Either you are not following the plan, or it is time for a visit to a Doctor. I read all the emails and I understand that life gets in the way. This is the week of the free pass.
   Superstars, well if you follow the plan, and are heavy, the weight will fly off. I am proof of that, every week. Martha, new around here and John, both rocked the scales with short weeks. It is nice to have Kelly W back and Mrs. Fluffy seems to get it.

New exercise additions are going out now as well. Stay the course, follow your plan, whatever that is, and stay focused. If you do not think this is life and death, then you have no reason to be reading my blog, or following our Challenge. FAT KILLS, end of story. If you didn't weigh-in, and you are not listed, then I understand. Good luck with your plans.. No hard feelings at all..

DAY 239, SUNDAY, JAN 9, 2011

2011-01-09T07:39:00.000-05:00

     If you invite people into your weight loss world, sometimes you will be disappointed. There will be great stories of triumph, people that get it on their own, and people that get it from learning what you learned. There will be people that can not follow any plan, and there will be people that just don't want to get healthy at all, for whatever the reason. You can not save the planet, and you should not try. If your goal is to help those that ask, then you need to expect nothing, and any success they have on there own is just that, success because they did it on their own. I get all of that. I am not 15, I am 46 and I have been around. I started this for me, it is about me, and if a challenge can help you also, that is fantastic.
     That said, I take this shit to heart. I take it personally, and as the fat guy around here, I know this plan works. I have learned more science, nutrition concepts, training regimens and ways to lose weight than most of you guys. I take it very seriously, I want to get healthy and not die, and it is important. When the young girl with the VLog was sent to me from another Challenger I knew from the start that what I had to offer was not for her. I explained that I was not the person to help, and that you guys should get in there and help her. I offered the plan, explained the plan, and I again said that this was a serious thing and that her life was in the balance. The only thing worse than being a fat 18 year old man is being a fat 18 year old girl. Trust me, I have been a fat 18 year old man. It is a cake walk compared to what a fat girl goes through. It is not fun, but trust me that it pales in comparison. That said, we all want to help this girl. OK, I knew she would last a day, read the stuff maybe, and find an out. She did, she is out, and it still irks me. Her path is to follow the Weight Watchers plan that another blogger could not commit to and was kind enough to send to her. As you guys won't say, and I will, pray for the girl, it is a long road. She was polite in starting, and after seeing yesterday's VLog, I am assuming today she will tell me she is out. Very polite, no mean spirit from me, no "mine is better", I am just sad.
     In that sadness is a silver lining. I found this from my old friend, blogging her way up the scale....

9:32 pm - I made the conscious decision to indulge in some nacho's for lunch today (tortilla chips, cheese, salsa, olives, jalapinos, grilled chicken) because my caloric intake all week has been either very close to or below 1,000 calories which average out to about 600 calories less, per day, than my goal. I'm trying to "trick" my body to avoid another plateau as many of you have suggested. They may not have been the healthier calories but I wanted them and I don't see anything wrong with enjoying foods that I love every once in awhile. Anyway, then we took pizza and chicken wings to our friend's house for dinner; I originally had no intention of eating either but over the course of five hours I caved and ate one slice of pizza and two buffalo wings. Still ... added up my calories for the day and came in under 1600 but managed to give my body a few hundred more than what it's become used to this week so hopefully I'm keeping my tummy on it's toes. :)

I love this paragraph for so many reasons. First, when a 300 pound woman makes a "conscious decision" to eat nachos you should start to laugh. Since birth, that decision has been made daily, why is this an epiphany ? The thought that she is eating less than 1000 calories a day, and has not lost 10 pounds per week is hilarious. The math problem, or the lack of knowledge is amazing. The conviction in her writing, that is perfect. Enjoying the foods you love once in a while is the root of the problem, not the solution. A plateau ? Did you lose 50 pounds in December ? You lost 17 pounds in 3 months. A plateau ? How much bullshit can one person spew ? Some how, on her calculator, she had only 1,600 calories for the day. Without any tastes, cheating more than listed, and her words, I can come up with 4,000 calories easy to get her "on her toes.." This will keep her "tummy on it's toes"... If she was on the caloric level she states, and ate that crap, her tummy will be sending out projectile missles of Nacho shit all over Arizona. Craptastic Sunday is in her future, if she actually is being accurate. The people she uses as advisors, that have suggested she "trick" her body are few of course, or phantoms, and these culprits know less about dieting than my dog Stanley. Obviously Darla supports her, but why go there. This was the biggest piece of shit I have ever read around here, and I have to thank her for reminding me that fat people can bullshit their way into pizza, fried chicken and Nachos, all in one meal, and show you it is a diet. The best post I have read this year, although there are others, and the year is young. This was the best, and every day I am inspired by her ramblings. In the George Costanza world, of doing exactly the opposite of everything you think is correct, she would be Queen. I need to change my undies, a little pee leaked out from reading.
Weigh-in Sunday is going well, and there are some great numbers coming in...Enjoy the day, and if you want to kick start your diet, eat some fried chicken and pizza and nachos... I love that...

DAY 238, SATURDAY, JAN 8, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-08T13:33:00.001-05:00

I always assumed that the Challenges were for camaraderie in weight loss, and accountability above and beyond the blog world. Normal Challenges, with a start and a finish are fine and fun. After Phase 1 of the Challenge that I started it seemed that people enjoyed the plan, the commitment, the focus, and a little bit of firm ass kicking. I also assumed that although I have done nothing extraordinary except eating less, some people wanted to follow a plan that works. It all makes sense, and we had a great time through Phases 1 - 3. Awesome stuff, lots of choices, and 1000 pounds of crap lost.
Phase 4 promised to be harder, a little exercise, and NO DIET CHOICES. I made this painfully clear to everyone that wanted to enter. With the help of a Cornell University trained nutritionist, 3 NYC oncologists, and an exercise guru, a plan was developed. An example of a 1200 calorie day of eating, when one of the days on the written plan was either boring or out of reach looks like this.

It is based on the USDA guidelines for proper nutrition, protein and food balance. It is not a boxed meal, it is not fly by the seat of your pants, and it is based on a science that we are lacking.
The diet plan as written offers either an exact plan, that looks very similar to this example, or to a daily plan that has exact and measured choices. There are no substitutions beyond those listed, no surprises, no mistakes, and the choices are made for the challengers.
Ya feel me, it is a no-brainer, no thought involved, pre -made plan of food, drink and exercise that works. It works so well that when followed, an obese 300 pound person will lose 100 pounds in 5 months. Without question, when followed it works. And that would be why I would follow a challenge.
Of course, tomorrow is the first weigh in. I have read some of the Challenger's blogs, and here are some of the things I read....
Breakfast: Sausage McGriddle & Coke
Lunch: 12 baby carrots, 2 TB Hummus, 10 Almonds
Dinner: Boneless Pork Chop, 2 cups Salad Mix, 1/3 cup diced grape tomatoes, 1/3 cup Black eyed Peas, 2 TB light Raspberry dressing

Culprit: Ham steak for dinner, maybe? 100 calories but like 800 sodium grams? But I had potato with it, and that has balancing potassium, AND I took 2 potassium supplements as well and drank 3 cups green tea.)
Plan for today is: lunch, chicken and apple salad; dinner, buffalo tenders with celery and carrots; morning snack, half a smoothie, afternoon snack, probably a pear and a bit of cheese.

A few mini baguette slices with smear and caramelized onion. A few tortilla chips with diced Roma tomatoes and yes, a handful of candy. No excuses
Breakfast: 274 (whole wheat bagel thin, egg, LC cheese wedge, 6 pretzel crisps. I needed some crunch with my sandwich.)
Lunch: 330 (grilled chicken wrap, side salad w/ 1/2packet southwest dressing. banana)
Dinner: 487(left over stir fry beef and broccoli, 1/2 serving left over lo mein noodle)
Snacks: popped a few blackberries

I want to make next week the week I follow that packet word for word plus add my exercise on top of your exercise in there. I want to see what really happens when I follow something word for word, meal by meal and exercise by exercise. I know I improvise often, I can see that in the scale this week.

There will always be dietary restrictions, allergies and minor adjustments. We all get that. But fucksticks, can't fat and obese people read. I get that we want to "do it our way". I did that for 46 years. The real question is why would you want the menus, want to lose weight with a proven method, and then blame anything but yourself ? At least the last person is getting on the stick before I post this. The CHALLENGE IS TO FOLLOW A PLAN, NOT MAKE YOUR OWN.
I got fat over time because I was "smarter" than the diets I followed. In my world, Veal Parmagiana was lo-carb, because it was meat and I didn't have the side of pasta. I watched TV where they said that Raviolios were the same as a serving of vegetables. Vegetables are good, let's have 3 cans of pasta, it's a vegetable. I thought for sure that eating lo-carb meant that I could eat 2 pounds of bacon and 12 eggs, as long as I had no toast. I knew that chocolate shakes, if swallowed quickly, did not have time to turn into fat. I was sure that Fettuccine Alfredo was healthy, because it had no meat. I could bullshit with anyone. Then I followed a plan that was created by people that are a lot smarter and healthier than I might ever be. And it works. I have passed that along to 70 people. So far, and I am sure there are more, many of you are outsmarting a plan, and you don't look all that smart. Stop the madness !!! Weigh in should be look forward to, not feared.

DAY 238, SATURDAY, JAN 8, 2011

2011-01-08T06:22:00.000-05:00

Eight days in, and by now most of you guys have re-evaluated your diet plans, fallen off the life style change wagon, and have gone back to the way it was. New Year's resolutions out the door, back to eating like obese pigs, and life goes on. What's the point anyway, food is very important and the love and warmth of Taco Bell is more important than the spreading of your ass. I get it. For 46 years I got it. I wasn't always fat. I can remember periods of time when I was healthy, thin, and happy. Eating is much more important. I get it. I would love to have some pancakes today.

They look yummy, covered in butter and syrup and they would be awesome. Only 800 calories, and I am set until lunch. Of course those crazy health nuts are eating this bowl of crap for breakfast

The Oatmeal with raisins only has 200 calories, and I will probably die from starvation from that and never make it to lunch. A visit to the emergency room, as I faint from hunger is not a good way to start the day. The worst part, and what bothers me to no end is that if I switch to the oatmeal rather than the pancakes for a year, I would shed 60 pounds off my ass. 60 pounds off from switching my breakfast ? Not for me.

For lunch, my favorite is the BLT on sourdough toast that I get in the Diner. It comes with a side of French Fries, and I have it with a tall Iced Tea. It goes down like sweet sunshine and my body thrives on the 800 calories of love that I ingest daily.

That crazy dude that goes to the gym everyday at the booth next to me is eating this grilled chicken with vegetables thing over there.

If I switch to that healthy looking lunch rather than my Bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, the 600 calorie per meal drop could also be fatal. Of course I would lose another 60 pounds in a year from the switch, but why would you want that.

Crapstix, let me see. If I change just a little, two freaking changes that in the end mean nothing to my taste buds or my satiary glands, I would drop 120 pounds of calories ? Why bother, those pancakes look great, and bacon and fries are awesome. So delish !!!

Yeah, reading the "falling off the wagon" stories are sad to some of you. To me, I laugh so hard I pee a little every time. Keep up the great work people. This eating healthy crap is impossible.

DAY 237, FRIDAY, JAN 7, 2011 PART 3

2011-01-07T16:02:00.000-05:00

     He was seated on a bench in lower Manhattan, on West Street near Battery Park. On his lap rested fancy binoculars. He hadn’t been in the area in 20 years. He was amazed at how it had been transformed. It was far enough from the ugliness, the perpetual construction near Ground Zero, and so clean one would think it was not New York. He smirked, certain politicians and businessmen had lined their pockets with the money that must have been thrown around in the modernization. It was cloudy, the way he liked it, no baking in the sun. People passed occasionally. He sniffed at the joggers, "Health Nuts," he dubbed them. He hadn’t exercised since his last high school gym class. He was now retired, having put in 30 years as a token booth clerk. Only 56, he was living on a generous pension handed to him by political suck-ups who’d had no idea, or hadn’t cared, what that would do to future budgets. He didn’t care, either. He’d gotten his and, by law, it couldn’t be taken away, taxpayers be damned. The big shots who’d reaped fortunes in real estate and their enablers in office, who’d allowed the unqualified to secure loans, didn’t care, why should he?

     He took a final drag on a cigarette, burning it down to its filter, and crushed it beside numerous others. A middle aged woman who happened to be passing made a face, shaking her head. He laughed at her. If not for the fact that he’d already targeted someone, she would have been his next victim. What fun it was. The long years he’d suffered in those cramped booths, the relentless rudeness of commuters, was in the past. This was his time. He’d used a different method in each instance. For the first he’d taken advantage of his lifetime pass and rode the subway to the Bronx, where he bided his time on a platform, finally found himself alone with a middle-aged woman, and sliced her throat with a box cutter before she knew what hit her. In seconds he was on the street and on a city bus, paying the fare so he wouldn’t be traced as a transit retiree. He was exhilarated. He needed no trophy, not like the saps on TV shows. The joy of the hunt and kill had been enough.
     His wife nagged him about where he’d been. He’d refused to get a cell phone specifically to be as free of her as possible. She had no idea how often she’d been close to death, no more than those in the Towers had known planes would be coming at them that crisp, sunny September morning. The only thing that had saved her was the fact that he would never have gotten away with it, unlike his current killing, which he was sure would not be traced if remained smart. It was futile to dream of doing away with her and fleeing to another part of the country, changing his identity. Outside of her, he had it easy. Where else would he score a rent-controlled apartment? He prayed she would get cancer and die a painful death. He didn’t care if ever saw his ungrateful children again, either. His second murder was perpetrated at night in a remote part of Queens. He sneaked behind a Latino, no doubt an illegal, and calmly fired a bullet into the back of his unsuspecting head. He was snickering as he hurried to his car. He stopped on the way home to heave the gun into Gravesend Bay.
     His third was at the mall in Staten Island in winter. He followed an old sour puss to her car, scanned the parking lot for possible witnesses, unhooked a hammer from inside his coat and, delighted she had no clue what was coming, crushed her skull with a single blow. He was sure no one would miss her. The world was better off without such a shrew. His heart was racing as he walked away. The hammer, too, was at the bottom of the bay. His fourth was in his home borough, Brooklyn. For years bums had been gathering at certain spots in his neighborhood, panhandling aggressively, buying booze and retreating to their filthy haunts. He stalked the most obnoxious of the crew for weeks before getting him alone in an alley. As the bum tilted his head back for a swig, focused on nothing but alcohol, his judge, ecstatic at denying a final pleasure, slipped a rope around the pencil neck and tittered as liquid shot from the drunk’s throat.
     And now his fifth victim was approaching, jogging toward him with a friend, chatting, oblivious of danger. He’d been following her from a distance for months. He knew where she lived and worked. He was thrilled by the thought of exterminating a lawyer. He’d already determined how he would do it, having purchased a sophisticated rifle, driving to Virginia and back in a single day. He’d always been a good shot as a hunter. He didn’t anticipate any problem other than finding a lair from which to shoot. He wondered if she should be his last victim. Why not go out with a perfect record, having hit all five boroughs? But it was so much fun. He would hate to give it up. He lifted the binoculars and pointed it toward the women. They seemed to assume he was looking in the distance beyond them. His target, lean and beautiful, showed no sign of recognition. He loved it, one day going about life, the next snuffed without warning, just as nature did to so many.
A half hour or so later the two women were on the return leg of their run. Ahead, there was commotion near a bench. People were gathered around paramedics, who were working frantically on a man lying on the ground. There were binoculars nearby.
     "Oh, my God," said one of the joggers, coming to a stop, eyes contracting with compassion. "Guy didn’t know what him," said a male bystander quietly. "Heart must’ve burst." "Just like that," another mused, "out of the blue. Not that old, either. Scary." "The poor man," said the lean, beautiful jogger.

DAY 237, FRIDAY, JAN 7, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-07T10:10:00.003-05:00

As with many Challenges I figure, there is some scrambling at the start. People drop out, and people drop in. The list below is up to date as of right now. The fluid requirements are here for the newbies and they are accurate until weigh in on Sunday. After sending me your weigh-ins on Sunday there will be new exercise packs coming. Week 2 is a little harder than week 1, as we progress of course. There are 66 entrants as of right now, and we are going to combine to lose 3,000 pounds together by May 1. There will be bumps, and I am sure not everyone will stay the course. Boredom, lack of will power, needing change, whatever the reason, not everyone will succeed. We will try our best, and this is not a Contest, it is for our health.I am still reading and taking notes on the funniest blogs in fat land. The things I find humorous are not mean, and I never pick on the mentally unstable. You all have your favorites to read that you must see as pure crazy. I have those favorites as well. They are off limits, as picking on the mentally challenged is mean and not for me. If you appear to be sane, then tune in later.

     On the Challenge front, we welcome back Kelly and Jess. Kelly is with us now for real, and Jess is wavering with my support and hope. Kristen joins us, and if nothing else, we will have some witty posts to read about dealing with poop, kids and burittos. Looking forward to her success. The other Kelly, with the Vlog, well her name is listed, but she has just gotten the WW Plus packet. She will have to make a decision soon about what to try. Martha is new to this neighborhood, and Stacy E is back hoping I dont force her to eat anything that swims. One can pray for that. Late entries are John O and Eileen. Nice to have another man around.
     As part of the Challenge is total emersion and committment from us heffers, it has been odd that I have not heard anything from a few people out there. Check in every now and then via email. I hope we are all still around this week, as the weigh in is 48 hours away, by Noon on Sunday.
     After speaking to my exercise Guru, her decision is to cut off admittance to the Challenge on Saturday, the latest. EMAIL ME if you have decided to join at this late date. It will be a Challenge, and the real fun starts as we get used to the lower calories and water. Surprises are always fun..

DAY 237, FRIDAY, JAN 7, 2011

2011-01-07T08:32:00.000-05:00

   With the impending snow storm, Sue and I decided to get to the Supermarket at 7:00 AM, so we could shop and get what we needed in case we were marooned again. Got there, and picked up water, soda, stuff for the dogs and some fruit and veggies. I miss getting the crap for the snow in's. Oh well, a new life, less Hostess stuff. It started to snow at 6:00 AM, and right now it is sunny and pretty and not snowing at all. Makes ya wonder if we will get the storm at all. Maybe a haircut is in order then. Odd seque, but still, I need a trim.
   We have some new folks entering the Challenge a little late. With more that 110 days left, it is all good. Weigh-in for everyone is on Sunday, unless we emailed other arrangements for the weekend of course. It is still not a contest, it is for your health and mine, and in the end it will all work out. The scale does not move every day, and once again, fluids are the culprits. For the last time this week, 64 ounces of water weighs 4 pounds. If you are on our plan, that is usually half of your healthy intake. If you are drinking correctly, and eating correctly, you are ingesting anywhere from 4-10 pounds of fluids per day. It shows on the scale, at times more than others. Not a problem, as in the end, it is the right thing to do.
STAY ON YOUR PLANS, WHATEVER THEY ARE.
   If I have learned anything, it is fat patience. It is harder to put on weight at some of our sizes than it is to lose. That does not mean it shows up when we decide to hop on a scale. PATIENCE PLEASE !!
   As for the blogs that I am reading, I am doing well on my plan not to make fun of them this year. We are 7 days in, and I have been good. I might need another blog to vent, as a few of you are fucking hilarious. I also might break my resolution and get it out of my system. Without being specific at all, does everyone read their posts before they push the PUBLISH button. More later as I debate my need to point out what I find hilarious.

DAY 236, THURSDAY, JAN 6, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-06T13:49:00.001-05:00

     I love the blog world, and I love reading the stories. There are great stories of urine out there, as you guys are just learning to process the correct amount of fluids. If a healthy person ingests 1/2 an ounce of fluids per pound of body weight, a 350 pound person is drinking over 175 ounces per day of fluids to just stay healthy. Along with all the fluids, comes these great stories of pee and poop.
     About 3 years ago, Sue and I had gone to lunch at Chili's in Westbury. We would go there on Saturday's, as it is next to Target, Costco and the Lowe's Home Improvement that they had just built. Lunch was always an event for us, pre-diet of course. We got there at 11:45 AM, and took what had become our seats in the bar area, on a high top table. We always had the same table it seems, as we wanted to be there before the shopping crowds, and the booths were very snug against my humongous belly. We invariably ordered the same things. We started with the Nachos, individually coated in steak, guacamole and cheese, and plattered neatly, each one with a jalapeno slice. An order had 18 pieces or so, and we shared the appetizer while I had a Diet Coke and Sue had a glass of wine. As I have explained before, we would then order lunch. My favorite there is one of the most disgusting meals on the planet. The only way to explain it accurately is to be blunt and to the point. The Chicken Fried Steak Meal at Chili's is my Everest. Before the lunch, after the appetizer, I would have a cup of their Chili. Why go to Chili's and not have the chili is my point. Pre lunch, I am at 1,400 calories, with half the appetizer and the Chili. The Chicken Fried Steak meal as they serve it is 4,000 calories. That includes the taters, corn, garlic bread, the breaded and fried steak and the gravy. For dessert, you have to have the molten lava cake with the ice cream. My lunch at Chili's was 7,000 calories total, easily.
     We finished the now weekly lunch meal, and headed over to Target. As I had breakfast on Saturday morning already, a slight 2,000 calories of fat and grease, my belly was a little full. Entering Target, I realized that it was a fortunate thing that the restrooms there were always shiny and clean. We entered the store, and all was ok. No warning, no need to rush to the toilet, just a feeling of warmth and satisfaction. I would be fine. Sue started in at the dollar section, a little side rack or two where they have some crap they are trying to move. We once got a coat for Lola there, so she likes to look around. I went off as men do, to the Electronics section. As Sue became engrossed in the dollar stuff, I started playing a little video hockey on the PS2 they were showing. Engaged with some little kid that was kicking my ass on the machine, I felt the first wave of lunch gurgle. Did I mention that I used to be able to poop the previous meal within an hour of consumption. Alot of the food stayed around obviously, but my bowels were in time with the Atomic clock for regularity. At my heaviest, the movements were solid and friendly, and I had an hour warning usually to do nature's business. As the 10th goal went through my video goalies legs, I had a pain that could only be akin to labor pangs when triplets are due.
    There was no time to get across the store, and race approximately 100 yards to the men's room. Options were needed, and a quick thought process occurred. The store was sparsely populated, and the early crowd was not there yet. As there was no holiday, and it was just another Saturday, I could bolt to the bathroom, and it would be close. Panic ensued, and I started to sweat sausage gravy, with a hint of the loaded mashed potatoes that I had just put away. In my mind I needed to make a rapid decision. To the East, the men's room, with three stalls, one handicapped stall for us large guys, and assured fresh toilet paper. 100 yards, at a dash, I could make it in,,, a minute, who was I kidding. To the west, a vision only 4 aisles away, tucked into the far corner of the store, and away from prying eyes was option 2. Target had upgraded with an Isaac Mizrahi powder room collection. Beautiful towels, racks for the towels, toothpaste holders, soap dispensers, and the most outrageous porcelain toilets that a NY based drama queen could design. I had a split second to decide. Men's room was a maybe, Fancy accessories were easy to get to, but a little out in the open. I chose, ran, and all was cleaned and tidy within moments.
     We are going this weekend to Lowe's to look at some shelves. We won't be going back to Chili's as the meals are in no way part of my life now. I smell Chilli's and I get heavy, so we drive on by. I need some shelves for the closet, as we are rearranging the bedroom this weekend. There is a sale as well at Target, if only I was allowed back in...

DAY 236, THURSDAY, JAN 6, 2011

2011-01-06T09:04:00.001-05:00

Breakfast was a hollowed out mini bagel, with a smear of Cream Cheese. Tasty, toasted and not all that filling. Three cups of coffee, and my second bottle of water. Kids are walked and fed a little and they are resting in a pile in front of the fireplace. All good, all quiet, and at 9:00 AM the day begins. Lunch is up in the air as I might go for a stroll before tomorrow's impending snow event.
Yeah, the snow returns. Short and easy today, and a start to the easy day...

DAY 235, WEDNESDAY, JAN 5, 2011 PART 3

2011-01-05T15:14:00.002-05:00

I asked a question and you guys answered. Very in depth I might add, and no one ever sees my forest through the trees. Someimes I know the answers, but it is nice to see some differing opinions.

I added some new Challengers, so this is how the list will look as we proceed. A couple of people came back to the fold, and a couple of new people entered a little later than Day one. It is a long Challenge, and the rules are, well I make the rules, so we have some new entries. I followed my own advice, emailed some people and they are with us again. No, it is not the best plan on the Planet I am sure, but if it works, don't fix it. Onward we go with 63 people participating in the Challenge, and that includes me. I am following the plan exactly, and it is not so bad at all.
     I haven't heard from a few of the Challengers, and I do send a mass email out every day. I am assuming they are moving along and doing well. The first weigh-in is on Sunday, and I am expecting everyone to have some success. The scale is a fickle bitch, we all feel that, but at 1200 calories per day, plus exercise and the water being super healthy, not losing for some of us is not an option. It is not a contest, but as I pointed out before, if this doesn't work over the course of a few weeks, then a visit to a physician again is in order.
     For those of us that are new, and are reading this for the first time, bigger people have an advantage in higher rapid weight loss than smaller people. Yeah, us fatties are kings of something. As an example, I am 250 pounds. I need 2750 calories a day to live. If I ingest 1200 calories a day, my body will burn 1550 calories of Al to survive. Every 7 days, there will be about 11,000 calories or so of lost weight. When I weighed 350 pounds, the same diet had a loss of 20,000 calories or so a week. Fatties lose weight faster, and that kids is the real reason why we lose less on successfull diets every week. Smaller people, less fuel, it adds up.
     This is the premise as well when someone tells you that they had a Twinkie as a cheat, and dieted the other 168 hours in the week, and gained weight. It is hard to gain weight when you follow a plan. I am pretty sure we are all on plan, and moving right along with this.
    Feeling good, exercise in, and the dogs have never walked this much before. They love running around with me..

DAY 235, WEDNESDAY, JAN 5, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-05T12:04:00.002-05:00

Relief poured over me. I had made it to the toilet in time at the car wash. I wiped the sweat from my soaked forehead and reached for the toilet paper dispenser. What I felt there sent cold chills up and down my spine.. All I felt was cardboard. I searched the empty brown tube for any remaining scraps that could be useful to me. Nothing was there. I scanned the floor of the tiny bathroom, searching for something.. Some kind of crude tool perhaps that I could use as a makeshift spoon or scraper.. Nothing... I reached behind the porcelain throne, running my fingers along where the floor met the wall behind me (kids, this is not a great idea, unless in a hospital that is sanitized). There I found the remains of what looked to be the wrapping of the previous roll of toilet paper. (apparently, the rolls at the car wash are wrapped individually in something similar to tissue paper) I looked on the side of the wrapping and there I saw it:
Cottonelle with Aloe & E
For questions, comments, issues, and concerns, call 1-800-391-2749, 24 hours a day and speak with
a customer service representative.
Hands trembling, I pulled out my BlackBerry and dialed the number on the wrapper....

Customer Service Rep: Good evening Sir or Ma'am. You've reached Cottonelle quality hygiene products. How may I be of assistance?
Me: Hello.. Uh.. Well...I'm in the bathroom right now and uh.. I've just taken a massive bowel movement and there doesn't seem to be any toilet paper in here and I saw your number and well.. could you maybe, I dont know.. help me in some way?
Customer Service: Sir, is this a joke?
Me: No it's no joke. Geeze! A small midget just came out of me and I need some assistance! Just as fast as you can get here would be great.
Customer Service: Sir, I dont really know what you expect us to do. We deal in retail and customer assistance. Maybe you should call for some help.
Me: Are you crazy?!? And let someone come in here and see me like this? No! For the love of all that's fair and good, would you please just help me?!?
Customer Service: Please stop yelling at me Sir. Are you wearing socks? Maybe you could take off your sock and use that.
Me: Uh oh.. My rectum is winking now.. Does that mean more doo-doo is going to come out? Good Lord, it stinks!
Customer Service: Uh.. Yeah. Maybe just wait until you're done to clean off. Sir, I have to get off the line.
Me: It's winking repeatedly now.. What should I do? Can you bring me some toilet paper?
Customer Service: Sir, it doesn't work that way. Maybe you should call the hospital..
Me: No! For crying out loud, I'm not injured! I just need your assistance! So you think I should just use my sock?
Customer Service: Yes Sir, I'd say just use your sock and clean up a little more later.
Me: Alright. Thank you.
Customer Service: You're welcome. Have a nice day.
Me: Goodbye.
I pulled off my and sneaker peeled off my sock. Three minutes later, I was done (and sockless, underwearless, as well as undershirtless). After three or four tries, I managed to flush all of my soiled underclothing down the commode. I stood up, walked to the sink and washed my hands. Then I grabbed three or four paper towels off the top of the large stack of them that sat next to the sink and I dried my hands. I just love the way paper towels feel on my freshly washed hands. Then I blew my nose on a few more of the paper towels and started for the bathroom door, pausing only briefly to snatch up a few more paper towels and enjoy how soft they felt on my hands and face. Yeah, my bad....

I have a question, hypothetical of course....If you go from 358 pounds to 322 pounds in 9 weeks, that is an awesome and consistent loss of just about 4 pounds per week. If you change your plans and diet goals and the following week lose less than 2 pounds, should you go back to the original plan ? Should it matter to me ? Would you stop your friends, even online ones, from making a mistake ? Just a question....

DAY 235, WEDNESDAY, JAN 5, 2011

2011-01-05T07:15:00.003-05:00

As the people that entered the Challenges, from Oct to now, will tell you, there is a fair amount of hate that gets thrown around with success. I get to be called a lot of things in blog land, and I could give a rat's ass. First, I checked again this morning, and I am a man. I am a large man, and it takes a lot more than some angry obese people to get me rattled and thrown off course. All we are doing in the Challenges, and in my recent life style change and diet, is eating less than we were, exercising more than we were, and drinking the CORRECT amount of fluids that healthy people at our respective weights ingest. That breeds hate, whether you are as sweet as sugar or as evil as some of you think I am. It's all good, and I write my blog for me. Most of us write for ourselves, and if anyone gets something from it, awesome. A little explanation of blogging for me is needed again. Those of you that read this and think it is arrogant or boasting, then you are not reading, you are joining the obese thinkers that can not lose weight.
It is 6:50 AM, I am showered and dressed and drinking coffee and sipping a bottle of Great American Spring Water (on sale at the Market, 36 bottles for $3.99). If I was not typing I would be "

on the way to McDonald's for the drive through breakfast that I would eat before I went to the bank at 8:30 this morning to do some transacting. I would have the Sausage McMuffin with no Egg, two of those, two hash browns, a biscuit (plain with butter) and a large Diet coke. My morning drive would be 1,900 calories. I would eat in the car, and get to the bank. Do my stuff there, and at 9:15 I am meeting friends at the Long Beach Diner. I hate to not eat when others around me are, as the waitresses look at me funny. While everyone orders breakfast, I have already eaten, so I will keep it light. I would order a Grilled Cheese with bacon on rye, with french fries and an Iced Coffee. Add another 2,000 calories to my morning, and by Noon I am comfy and feeling warm with 4,000 calories in me. I get home to watch a little TV, and at 1:30 I realize I better have a little lunch, dinner is at 7:00 and I want to pace myself. I figure it is time to try out Bigelow's again, a small shack like restaurant that is known for it's Ipswich belly clams, fried of course, and the Oysters. They serve a combo platter, called the 1 and 1/2, which is a whole order of the fried clams, and a 1/2 order of the fried oysters. It comes with fries, cole slaw and a bowl of their thick New England clam chowder. It is a tasty lunch, and I knock it down complete, all 4,600 calories worth. I get out of the restaurant, and go to the mall. I need some stuff for the kitchen and for the dogs. While there, the Nathan's in the Food Court is having a special, 2 hot dogs, french fries and a soda for $3.99. Can't pass that up, so the afternoon snack is 1,600 calories. Cruising along, I feel satisfied as I have eaten over 10,000 calories and I skipped the cake and Ice cream. Yay for me. At home, I am getting ready for dinner with Sue, and we are going to the local pasta place that she likes. I order the Fettucine Bolognese, knock off two baskets of garlic knots, enjoy a Tiramisu for dessert with a Cappucino, and we get home. With no other desserts, I end the day at 13,000 calories. That was me in January of 2010, 12 months ago. Not now, that was then.

I BLOG FOR ME,

FOR ACCOUNTABILITY TO ME,

AND TO NEVER GO BACK TO BEING

THE OBESE PIG THAT I HAD BECOME.

As the Challengers lose huge amounts of weight, and blog about how it becomes easier, and habit forming and a way of life, they will get their share of hate. Trust one thing, obese people like I was hate the concept of not eating as much, and will hurl shit at anyone that tries to better themselves. Haters are correct about a few things. I am harsh, and I do not understand blogging that this and dieting is impossible. I do not understand blogging about goals that are impossible, and then lamenting in failure. I have no time for it. This is very simple, and very hard all at once. I have done nothing that is genius or needs to be lauded. I stopped killing myself. The hate comes with some success. There are plenty of success stories out there, hundreds a lot more successful than I am. There are stories of 200 pound losses, 300 pound losses, and more. Follow those people, and get inspired from them.

I promised to not point out the humor I see in other peoples blogs. I won't. I do promise that if you anonymous people want to show your faces, I will slander your asses just as you have mine, with a much more obscene twist. Put the fork down, then comment your ass off. Before you send the hate to me, or in time to others that share in this success, look in the mirror. There is nothing worse than a fat ass with a big mouth, that has sausage gravy on their lips. Think about your own lives and what is missing from them, step back, and fix it. You can not handle my life, not now, not ever. There is no hate here. We are a group of fatties following a plan that was made for us to help lose weight. Weight Watchers charges $20 a week plus whatever crap you need for their plan. Our plan was made by smarter nutritionists, a famous exercise physiologist, and 3 oncologists that want nothing more than to have less customers. We have three doctors following the plan right now !! Hate me, hate the people, hate yourselves. When you fall off the blog map, as you will, we will be healthier and smirking.
And one more thing. All of this does not mean my way is the only way !! Respect everyone that can lose weight on any plan, that will empower you. Talking shit and eating shit is not for these parts please !!! The real haters are just reading and eating !!

DAY 234, TUESDAY, JAN 4, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-04T10:18:00.002-05:00

Working at home is very different. Multi-tasking takes on a whole new level of crazy. I like it, and I am getting some stuff accomplished. I did have some time to check over the records for the entire Double Dog Dare Challenge. We started on October 25th, 10 weeks total, over Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. The Armageddon of fat and food. A time of year when people pack on the pounds, and on the 1st of the New Year write fantastic resolutions. The bloggers that follow this path get comments from love and support to out and out gushing. It is a fantatstic display of love, inspirational thoughts, and overkill. Since the start of our little Challenge, 9 of the original entrants not only stayed around for the 10 weeks, but continue to lose and lead in the war on fat.

These are the Champions of the first three phases. Forget the numbers for a second, they accomplished this while many of you were packing on the pounds, or reveling in not gaining weight, or in the worst case, falling off the map completely. I expect big things from these same folks, and the rest of you in the Challenge. If you are obese, fat, overweight, whatever you are calling it, and you do not think it can be done, take a look at this. There were many more success stories, but these are the stars right now. Nothing would be better than to have a different and more successful set of people in May. I hope the 9 listed accept this award, and post it on their blogs proudly.

It took a lot of effort, a lot of water, some struggles, and in the case of one friend in Minnesota, a lot of questions. Now the game changes, and the effort needs to be stepped up. Anyone can do this, and the proof is right here. Focus on your plans, whatever they are, and see them through. Commit to one thing, and that is your health. We are all doing it, now we all need to do it well...

DAY 234, TUESDAY, JAN 4, 2011

2011-01-04T08:08:00.000-05:00

     Chilly out there, I guess it's still winter. Being home is a little odd, and I could get used to it. That won't get to happen, but I am making the most of this week, maybe next week also. The fun shall pass. Perfect day of eating yesterday, no problems. Slightly higher carbs than I would eat if not home, but that will not change things all that much. Water is a chore when I am not at work. 8:05 AM, third bottle in, and a mug of coffee with Coffee Mate. 60 ounces or so, before the second pee of the day. That is coming, not to worry.
     A little note to people that are new to drinking the proper amount of water. When you are sleeping, if you dream about a boat on the water, or a water fall, or anything nautical, that is a sign to get up and go to the toilet. Ya feel me. I am not responsible for your leakage, not ever.
     We need to get a new bed frame, the wheel bent on the one we have, probably from my fat ass over time. Bending metal, not for the Jew in me, so I will get to a bed store or KMart or something and get a new one. Frames are cheap enough, until you start turning that into furniture.
     Thanks again for sending some help to Kelly! yesterday. Like I said, and Lainie backed up, I am pretty sure that I am not the answer for the young lady. You guys were very helpful, and hopefully she is receptive. She should be, your support is great.

DAY 233, MONDAY, JAN 3, 2011 PART 3

2011-01-03T15:27:00.000-05:00

For a little further accountability, and to make sure that we are all accounted for, I have added my name and the missing pepole to the list of the Challengers.

I anticipated to be at 199 pounds by April 1, and the math tells me that May 1st is the best case. I can live with that, as I had started triple checking and amending my thoughts last week. When I ran the numbers I realized it will still be a struggle. 210 pounds in a year will make me happy, although the person I was emulating did it in 10 months. Not the end of the world, I am still focused, and I have more reasons than ever to get to the goal. 17 weeks, 3 pounds per week off to get to 51 more pounds off my ass. It will not me easy, but it will get done.
     Staying at home and working is an art form that I have not mastered at all. No real distractions, no food distractions I mean, as I keep nothing here. Well, there is a crap load of homemade chocolate fudge that my MIL brought over on New Year's for Sue and the guests. There is a brick of it in the fridge I think, as Sue was munching on some last night. I can not have a piece, as that would make me crazy. I have to wonder if the old MIL did that on purpose as well. Argh.
     Day One of Phase 4 is almost halfway over, and I feel the same. The advantage in getting used to the 1200 calories is no hunger. The disadvantage is that there will be no bounce weight loss off the bat. The Challengers, like many of you guys just starting a diet will see a great first week loss. That is good, although many of you will discount it as "water" loss. If you are drinking 128 ounces or so of fluids, that is 8 pounds of water. If you pee and sweat a lot, you are losing fat. If you think that the first week loss of say 7 pounds is water, and you are ingesting 56 pounds of fluids in the same week, then you need to understand the chemistry of diets a little more. Enjoy and savor any change in the scale.
     As for the scale, weigh yourself once a week, same scale, same time, same clothes or lack of...Accurate for your peace of mind, the speed is not a contest. If you focus on any plan, whatever that is, the weight will come off.

DAY 233, MONDAY, JAN 3, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

First off, I owe Lanie Painie an apology for accusing her of being a stalker. While she does visit here often, she has not been sending me the hate or blogging under an alias. I hope she can forgive me, my paranoia set in, and it was mostly unwarranted. I know who is running the Crazy Train, and ignoring it would be best. Her mental illness, her children's loss, those same children living in jail or in hospitals is sad enough. Following me and getting involved in my life will not help her.
LANIE I AM SORRY, and your new picture from this year's loss looks great !!
The stalker did want to know why I do not post my numbers in the Challenge. I actually post my weight constantly, back the weight with a 3 times a day accounting, and have more pictures than needed of me to show the progress. I follow the plan exactly, and there is no need to add my name to the mix. As the crazy train would like a serious accounting, and I hate to have anything questioned, here is the picture from the NYSC gym this morning of my feet on a scale. I started this at 429 pounds, not proud, on May something of 2010. For the sake of water, fairness, and as this is not anyone's business but mine, I have rounded the year to 160 pounds off. This is the scale today.

I am not happy yet. I want to get to 199, and I have a crap load left to do. I will not make it by April, but I will make it before I hit 47 in June. As for accountability, I was questioned by Crazy, and here is the best I am going to offer. As I get more comfortable, with fitted clothing, I might post a picture. I might not. At 199 I will post nudes if I am in the mood. If you want more proof, come on over, I am here for you. I am sure that my friends will vouch for me. I will suggest that you should stay away from the Crazy Woman, as most of you have. She lives in her own world, no need to hurt her more than she has hurt herself. I fear her, you will as well, but that is not for me to tell you.
Dogs are walked, cold as crap here, and the working from home is different. Water in, exercise done, food not until 1:00 as the eggs from breakfast are still filling me up. Peas...

DAY 233, MONDAY, JAN 3, 2011

2011-01-03T07:38:00.000-05:00

A blogging friend asked me to take a look at a blog from a young girl that is embarking on a weight loss journey. Kelly is very young, a little lost out there, and she needs your help. I am not sure my brand of love is for her. Aside from my gender, my certain way of showing affection might not have the same effect as some of you more motherly types. Please take a look at her Vlog, her posts, and get involved. I can only show you where to go, I am not sure I am the one to try to help her. Some of you would be mortified if I even tried. Rather than blast me this week, why don't some of you haters help this young lady out. If she wants, the Challenge is open for her, and she would succeed. Your call peeps, give her a shot.
Phase 4 starts this morning. The Challengers are weighed in, all ready to go, and I am expecting big things from all of them. With a great effort, we will shed a ton in the next 118 days. It's on.

2500 pounds is a very daunting number. The gauntlet has been laid. If anything has been learned since October 25th when the Challenges started it is that the numbers, when he plan is followed do not lie. 40 people started on the 25th of October. Some joined, some left, but in the end many of the original gang was intact. 1000 pounds of fat lost. Show me a plan that works, and I follow it. I can not fathom having lost 40 pounds in 9 weeks and trying something else. I have learned one thing, no matter what happens, I follow the same plan. It works, and these Challengers will be healthier on May 1st than they have ever been.

I am taking another week off, to get things straight and to Chillax. Should be boring and exciting, all at once. I will have plenty of time to read and follow my peeps online. Be Good. I need to add a little something. Kristen, forget all the crap in the boxes, forget your plan, and forget all the writing. Join us !!

DAY 232, SUNDAY, JAN 2, 2011 PART 3

2011-01-02T19:07:00.001-05:00

First things first, we wrap up Phase 3. With 49 people finishing the Challenge today, the combined weight loss for the Challenge phase was 299 pounds. 6 pounds averaged per person, over the 20 day event is not so shabby. I am very proud of everyone that participated and stuck it out.

We have some people that took this very seriously, and as I am listing the results in order of success you can figure out who took this to heart. That is not a put down on anyone in the bottom of the list. Anyone that finished is a weight loss star and serious about their health. For Phase 4 everything is amped up, and the results will prove that out.
The Phase 4 group has their packets, their instructions and the plan for the next 118 days of our lives. We will succeed, we will not bullshit ourselves and others, and in the end, we will be healthy.
Only 20 real days on Phase 3, almost 3 weeks, with Christmas and New Years holidays. I say we are walking the walk, and we should all be very proud.
As a little preview of Phase 4... 58 people entered, and in 118 days, we will lose over a ton of fat

THIS IS VERY SERIOUS !!!!

DAY 232, SUNDAY, JAN 2, 2011, PART 2

2011-01-02T11:57:00.000-05:00

     I get alot of emails that are evil. Everyone does that has an opinion and a focus and in my case a comittment to getting healthy. I laugh at 99% of them. The really mean ones, I pass along to my friends at the FBI, Worth Street division, in downtown NYC. They eat very well when I cater their parties, and trust me they enjoy nothing more than investigating crazy people that threaten me. I also get some great emails every day. I was asked by the people that help us why I have the Challenges and why I am including people that I do not know in my weight loss plans. Some of you have asked if I get paid. I am not against sending money, but there is no financial benefit here to me. I have had some great offers to write a book, the publishers could care less about the rest of you. That is not in my current plans, although a retainer might sway me. I do this for me, and I do this for the responses and emails that make me smile.
    Today I got this from Gracie. An entrant in the Challenges, and ready for Phase 4, Gracie (not her real name) has sent me this today, when she checked in for the start of Phase 4.
FYI- That is 2 lbs shy of 45 lbs off since 10-13-10...I'M so happppy
43 Pounds in 10 weeks, with 3 major holidays of eating (Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas) with New Years's thrown in is Awesome. Gracie also commented recently,
Happy New year to you Allan and Sue and kids (pups). I have to tell you because of you, and especially not because you are sweet.LOL But I needed someone to tell it like it is. I think if I hadnt started reading your blog, I would have not started pushing myself to not be content with losing 1-2 lbs a week. I have been pushing myself each week to do better and you know what? I can do better. If fact I surprise myself each day at the gym adn dieting. I am so frickin proud of myself. Which I havent been in years. Thanks for the no bull shit facts of life. By the way, dont take this as me kissing your ass, cause its not! Gracie
     So for all the haters out there, it only takes one GRACIE to get me to stick around, share what I am learning, and pass it on in my loveable manner. There have been other great notes and emails, and I am not sharing them with you to make me feel good. They make me feel great, and I don't need to share them with anyone to feel better. I won't share the hate, although Faith, whoever you are, you need a bar of soap for lunch today. Potty mouth fat bitch is not a great way to live your life with Jesus. Enjoy the rest of Sunday, and let's go Giants !!

DAY 232, SUNDAY, JAN 2, 2011

2011-01-02T08:47:00.000-05:00

     With any luck, 2 days into the New Year, you guys are still following your resolutions. I am, although reading some of the blogs and not commenting is almost painful. There are stories of hope and inspiration, and there are great examples of what to do correctly. There are a few that are so off the wall that it must be written tongue in cheek, with an eye towards making people laugh and smile. I resolved not to mention them specifically, and I will not.
     House is all cleaned up from the Fiesta. The dogs are running around as Sue finishes up the laundry. The dogs all enjoyed the left over breakfast sausage from the party. There is plenty more left, along with a lot of bacon. The kids will eat well for a couple of days. We mix in the protein with their normal kibble. Vet approved, they eat more of the Iams Healthy stuff with diced meat or chicken. I guess it works as they are healthier than me. Maybe a blog about the benefits of eating dog food. That would be funny if nothing else, although not as funny as...stopped myself again.
     Supermarket trip today, to get supplies for the week. I am taking off another week, to relax and get a little jump start on the goal of being healthy. I will work from home, and I probably will be just as effective. On Challenge fronts, the weigh-ins are coming and the holidays are over. If you are part of Phase 4, please get the information to me by 5:00 PM. Enjoy the yucky East Coast weather my Northeasterner pals !!

DAY 231, SATURDAY, JAN 1, 2011 PART 2

2011-01-01T18:17:00.001-05:00

    Ten to six, dark out, house is emptied, dogs are passed out all over the place. 25 to 30 people came and went through the house, eating, drinking, laughing and having fun. Friends from the neighborhood, friends from the gym, friends from online, and some old friends. Even a MIL showed up with fudge. Every single person, all ages, sizes and shapes and colors having a great time. Not one ounce of hate in the group. Not one bad thing said, by one single person. A great way to start the new year, drama free and worry free. Eating was easy, drinking was fine, and the crowd loved the food I cooked. Sue is just about done with the last of the cleaning, and I am here typing in the living room.
    I have one resolution, and I intend to keep it. If you are part of one of the Challenges that we are running, be prepared to lose weight, get healthy, stay hydrated and learn along with the rest of us how we will get to a better place. The rest of you, I am done with as far as reading your blogs and caring. I will continue to read whatever I damn well please, but I will keep the humor to myself. If you want to kill yourselves, then fine by me, not my problem. If you lose weight, fine by me, I hope you do. If you ask for some help, I will tell you what I have done, what I am doing, and what little I know. After that, I could care less what you do. Those that enter the Challenges, and Phase 4 signup ends tomorrow, I will be on your asses. I will focus on what you are doing, with the people that are helping me to help myself and you guys. There are 56 people moving forward in Phase 4. There have been some last minute dropouts, for reasons that I can not beging to get annoyed at. It is not my problem, and I wish these people the best. No hard feelings, just astonishment. As for the people not involved, have a great time, lose some weight, and enjoy your lives.
     The fact is, in the most arrogant way I can say this, you guys that continue on year after year in this cycle of bullshit do not deserve me or my thoughts. Taking what I say as mean, that is not me and not going to continue. If you weigh 400 pounds for 10 years and keep talking the talk, then enjoy yourself. It is not for me, and I don't need the drama. Blogging for friendship is great, and you guys that specialize in that, enjoy yourselves, it is all good. There will be another Challenge on May 1st, as we will be maintaining our new figures and weight losses. Tomorow will mark the end of Phase 3. Hopefully, through the holidays, the Challenges will have added up to 1/2 a ton of lost weight by 60 people. As the next group begins, we are expecting bigger things. It is not for everyone, I get that, and those that have entered have until tomorrow to get out. It will not be pretty, it will not be all that much fun for a while, but it will get us healthy. After the weigh in's tomorrow I will post exactly how much healthier we will get. The people involved now are playing for real, no bullshit, no excuses, and no cheating. Happy New Year...

DAY 231, SATURDAY, JAN 1, 2011

2011-01-01T09:27:00.000-05:00

The party starts at 1:45 PM. I figure I will start cooking at 11:00 AM and I should be ready when the guests arrive. The weather will not be a factor, as it is 45 degrees, sunny and beautiful out. We have no idea how many people are coming. Sue invited some, and I invited some. We shall see the turn out. I was asleep by 9:00 PM last night, the party animal that I am. The second blanket idea works wonders with the dogs and the wife that throws blankets. Breakfast was a hollowed out low carb bagel toasted with some lite lox spread. I was at the bagel store this morning getting fresh supplies for the fiesta. Mini bagels are always needed on the table.
This year, no resolutions for me. I hope all works out, and I hope to lose the last 58 pounds off my fat ass. When it happens, that is out of my hands, as my daily plan never waivers. When the weight comes off, it comes off. No worries here, and no promises or long speeches about how this year is my year. Shit happens, all I can do is commit and focus. What you guys do, I hope for the best for everyone.

This is Stanley and Lola, they wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year. Enjoy 2011 !!!

DAY 230, FRIDAY, DEC 31, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-31T14:35:00.002-05:00

     One very sweet woman emailed to me that I might want to take down the previous blog post as I might come off as mean. I told her I was not being mean. I never want to be thought of as mean, I did check the post a few times, and I stand by it. I did tell the nice woman that emailed me that I would consider taking the post down. I actually agreed to it, and then I did a little more checking. My problem and my point has nothing to do with the woman that made the post. She seems to be loved, and that is important. I have a problem with the followers who approve and laud the New Year's resolutions. Why you might ask are her resolutions my point of contention ? Well, let me give you a glimpse of December 2009's blog entry. Same woman, 365 days later, and although my problem is still not with her, read the following with some love that came from another reader that means no harm as well.
This last year has been one of choices.
(Again with the "choices" theme. Sound familiar?)
The choice to be willing to change, to fight to get my health back by learning to eat responsibly and exercising. To be open to learning new lessons along the way... to being honest with myself as I face my stuff, instead of stuffing my face. Learning to DO it, not just talk about it. I stumbled along the way, but I learned.
(Um ... "lessons" theme in here, just like her recent post. Honesty? Facing her stuff? Really? Not just talking the talk? LEARNING something? Knowledge is useless until it is applied.)
I also learned that success does not depend AT ALL on how I feel. It is a choice. It is about Progress, not perfection.
(Yet, wasn't that most recent post all about feelings? I think it was about feeling peaceful and joy and stuff like that - just not thinner or healthier.)
I am not going to write all them here, now. My blog IS about what I am learning, living, choosing.
(And HERE, finally, we have it. Her blog IS NOT about weight loss after all !!! It is about "learning, living and choosing." Heck, she even has "choice" in her blog title. So, for all those seeking a weight loss blog, this apparently isn't one. I was wrong. Her blog title perhaps threw me, because it isn't a weight loss blog at all. By her own words, it is just about what this woman is "learning, living and choosing." I wonder if her followers know it isn't about weight loss?)
For your New Year, I offer this list of choices. Some of them, I have made good progress on. Some of them I am still learning.
CHOOSE to be at peace.
CHOOSE to follow your plan consistently.
CHOOSE to be patient with yourself if you don't follow your plan as well as you had hoped.
CHOOSE to focus on the positive, the beautiful, the hopeful, the miraculous.
CHOOSE to smile when you would rather scowl.
CHOOSE to relax and just enjoy yourself along the journey.
CHOOSE to aim for Progress, not perfection.
CHOOSE to live the new "healthy you" life--NOW!
CHOOSE an Attitude of Gratitude.
CHOOSE not to complain today--no, not ONCE, just for today.
CHOOSE to tell those you care about what you appreciate about them--TODAY.
CHOOSE to believe you are on the road to a new, wonderful, healthy, positive joy-filled life, and you will let NOTHING deter you from reaching your destination.
(SIGH -- where to begin? She pretty much covers all bases when she tosses out "I'm still learning." It is like a catch-all excuse. We are ALL still learning, or we'd already be healthy, right? I'll just say to you that she has the patience thing down pat, a whole year later. The rest? Well, she's "learning" ... )

     My problem, and I have no real problem at all, let's call it my point is that the commenting a year later with the same person that it is all okay and will get better without radical change is not fair to her or anyone else. Some of the same comments by the same people last year and this year already about how great this whole thing is. The same story will continue for as long as she is on the mortal coil. If you jump in and read her blog from today forward, the talking about the great changes and you might not have all the facts. I hope for change, but great change needs to have a plan, a way to change, and a focus on consistent change. You can write about this shit year after year forever and that is exercise to some people. In this forum, and not just on my blog, you should actually focus on the health and weight loss part of things.
     Again, I am not being mean, and I am sure the woman is wonderful. In truth, she never talks about weight loss as part of her blog title. You guys as the commenters went to that level, and I am here to show you the facts. If her blog has nothing to do with getting healthy and weight loss, then I owe her a massive apology. If her blog is about weight loss and health in this forum, then read it as fiction with really big words and some pictures.
     Prepped for the 1:45 PM brunch tomorrow at Casa Klein. Food is being prepared, pictures will be taken, and calories will be consumed. I will behave, but my guests will be enjoying calorie insanity. From the Krispy Kreme bread pudding, the bacon and sausage and eggs, to the bagels and salmon, to the hors d'oeuvres and desserts, the food will be rocking. Oh, did I mention the Hot Dog bar, with chili and cheese.. None for me, but they will be tasty. I have some puff pastry to figure out what to do with now. Soon I will have more thoughts on what to create. There is some brie and jelly that is aching to be a puff thing, and I have some butternut squash that could be cool in a little pastry cup. Ya never know, I have time...

DAY 230, FRIDAY, DEC 31, 2010

2010-12-31T08:59:00.003-05:00

New Year's Eve, and time for the photos from Day 230 on my trip to healthy. I took these this morning, just for shits and giggles. I still believe the camera adds 100 pounds.

OBLIGATORY BATHROOM PHOTO 12/31/10

3XLT SHIRT WRAPPED AROUND LIKE A SCARF

FINALLY SMILING, 12/31/10 249 POUNDS, DOWN 160 IN 230 DAYS

All is well in Long Beach. Sunny, 45 degrees on the horizon, the snow is melting with the fat on my body and as we enter a new year we are getting ready for a party tomorrow. We leave New Year's Eve for the kids, and Sue and I will be comfy on the couches tonight, watching whatever TV crap spews out. Maybe we will share a bottle of the good stuff. For the uninformed, my cultured palate, that enjoys Burgundy's from the Loire valley of France will be enjoying Asti Spumante this evening. At $3 per bottle, this sweet, bubbly Italian concoction is our go to choice when we celebrate. It is crap, but we love it.

As we all go forward into the New Year, let's look back one more time on what not to do. Rather than pussy foot around, let's show everyone what not to do, if you plan to get healthier in the New Year.
For instance, when I started the Hot 100, I had hoped to whiz on down the 300's, and bust into the 200's by Jan 1st. Not gonna happen! In fact I weigh more now than when I started the challenge....

The point of the Challenges is to actually follow the Challenge, sigh !!!

But in spite of that disappointment, I sense a shift for me. A different feeling for this next leg of the journey. I've been working on my goals list for the coming year, and it has a different feel to it.

A shift ? Goals ? How about Goal one, Stop eating so much, Goal two, See Goal One. !!!

I plan to post the finished version on January 1st... but the new feel for ME is more of embracing and welcoming the changes, rather than striving and clawing after them. I am no longer searching for that "aha" moment, that next big revelation, some deep and mysterious "answer" or missing link. I already know what to do, for me. It's just a matter of continuing the journey. So... the shift is in my attitude, I think.

This should be a real eye opener. Almost 400 pounds, and we get to find out how not to lose weight.

That feeling of desperation in the beginning that was the raw power to get me going has shifted to more of a certainty, a knowing, a calm determination. It's a more relaxed feeling, yet still putting forth the energy to achieve my goals.

Does this mean something other than "I need to write something that no one will understand as I gain weight ? At 60 years old, it is time to just stop eating so much.

I want to joyfully embrace the stuff I'm going to be working on, not fighting with it.

Getting heavier is easy, and you are doing well at that.

To focus on gratitude and living NOW, even while focusing on this journey... that balance thing.
A sense of celebrating who I AM, not who I am not.

THIS IS THE ONE !!! Why are you in a weight loss forum ? You enjoy the heft, embrace that, and live the life. ARE YOU HERE FOR WEIGHT LOSS ?

I would like to see the scheduled routines transform into genuine habits that are smooth and automatic. I'm not focusing on a number, but rather on the sense of joy, peace and accomplishment. The numbers will follow as a result.

NO THEY WILL NOT FOLLOW AS A RESULT, NOT EVER ! YOU NEED TO EAT LESS !!

Bottomline, I'm feeling like it's a done deal... it's already out there, just waiting for me to get on down the road and arrive!

AND SANTA IS COMING ALSO !!!

It gets much worse, and right about here I lost a little breakfast, as the bile came up from my throat. Again, to gain weight when you are 387 pounds means you have to eat over 32,000 calories in the week for a one pound gain that week !!! That is over 5,000 calories per day, every day just to gain a pound !!!

Over the holidays, there have been several times of garden variety overeating. Yet there was no drama and browbeating...just a swift course correction.Not like in the past, when I would make it a huge deal, get all upset and full of drama and sometimes take days, weeks, months or even years to get my head back in the game.

WHAT THE FUCK IS A GARDEN VARIETY OF OVER EATING ? WHEN IS THE CORRECTION COMING ? 18 MONTHS, 50 POUNDS LOST, MAYBE IF YOU ARE ACCURATE. AN AWFULLY SLOW SHIP WHEN YOU ARE PUSHING 60.

It was different this time. More peaceful. And I was excited to hear a weight loss coach talking about how "normal" people overeat all the time... little bits here, a special occasion there. Yet they are conscious of their actions, and make immediate course corrections. They balance it out. It's natural and normal for them.

YOU ARE NOT NORMAL, DON'T APPLY SHIT THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO THE OBESE. YOU CAN NOT STOP MONITORING YOUR WEIGHT UNTIL YOU REACH YOUR FINAL GOAL.

Hearing that gave me hope I was heading in the right direction! I am trying to let go of the idea of always being so rigid and exact about it, and instead learn to balance it out, like regular "normal-sized" people do. It's on my agenda for 2011 to practice this... we'll see how it goes!

COULD YOU HAVE DONE WORSE ? NO WAY !!! WHEN WERE YOU RIGID IN THE PAST 18 MONTHS OF THIS BLOG ! WHO ARE WE KIDDING HERE ?

     I am not picking on the one person here, many of you have written the same diatribes. I feel pity for her, not anger or a mean spirit. Unfortunately, this is not the worst part. The comments left for her are. I have picked a few ...

~ Darla ~ said... This post spoke to me too. I want to joyfully embrace life's challenge - not fight them. A knowing and calm determination will be what I strive for in 2011. Loretta, thank you, thank you. Forgive me if I borrow some of your goals. I gotta new attitude.I love the quotes too. I may add my favourites to my posts - share the joy.

FIRST CLUE, ENOUGH SAID, ONE CRAZY AGREEING WITH A BAD PLAN IS CAUSE TO RUN AWAY.

suedoodles said... This post resonated for me, too, Loretta. I'm glad to know a fellow artist is also on the road to better health and well-being. This bullet point *I want to joyfully embrace the stuff I'm going to be working on, not fighting with it.* struck a chord. I'd be happy just to accept what Im working on. I battle and waver and make deals with myself. Ha! You go girl!

RESONATED ? I AM VERY LITERATE, I STILL AM CONFUSED AS TO RESONATING ? THE ROAD THIS ARTIST IS ON IS TOWARDS A SAD PASSING.

pinkvision said... I like that. Cruising on up gently to the finish line...and stepping out of the limo onto the red carpet. :)

BLOGGING FOR OVER 600 DAYS, TALKING ABOUT WHAT TO DO IS OK ? AND FINALLY, THE COMMENTS THAT SCARE ME THE MOST...

Cinner said... Hi I am just new to your blog, you have done awesome so far. I saw a comment on Annes blog and It touched me deeply, I t was about the ripple effect. I am a new follower. I wish you continued success in 2011. take care.

CONTINUED SUCCESS ? THE AUTHOR HAS EVEN SAID IT IS NOT WORKING ?

     We are entering another year here kids. If the goal is to write pretty things, make friends and die less lonely, then good for you and you guys above and the author have a great club. The first thing you actually need to do is to eat less. After that, move a little. From there, the weight comes off. Although Rejecting 300 will tell you that writing similar crap will lead to weight loss, as everything she does counts towards a loss, following some of these people is a death sentence. Writing about what to do, year in and year out and doing nothing makes you look stupid. None of you are stupid. Focus on not eating as much, rather than writing about it. Do not think that this means I know what I am doing. I am sure some of you will comment that I think I know everything. I do not, and I do not claim to. I do know that if you give a cocaine addict one line of blow they are still an addict and will get worse. I will never write about goals that can not be met. My life is out here on this blog, and I am learning every day. I also have progress, every day, as my ateries could care less about what I write.
     Enabling the ill and the addicted is not a great plan, and you should all get your shit together. I know a lot of you by reading your daily thoughts on the blogs. You are all good people. If you saw a teen ager on the street in your town that you knew, and she was hooking on the corner for money to pay for drugs, you would step in and stop them. If your friends called for a small loan to help them buy crack, you wouldn't give it to them. If someone urinated in your Church pew, you wouldn't tell them that Jesus understands and not be offended. Why is this fat crap allowed, especially in a weight loss forum. Help her, do not enable her. Tell her that at this age, at this weight, and with all this bullshit she could die. No one wants that. That should be your New Year's resolution. Stop the Bullshit....

DAY 229, THURSDAY, DEC 30, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-30T16:20:00.001-05:00

     Let's start with the theory that everyone around here is well intentioned. I don't think you can fault a lot of people for trying to help others, but the education needed to help the obese or the very fat is lacking around this forum. I firmly believe that obese and very fat people are food addicts. I am a food addict. I have eaten less for almost 8 months, but I know that tomorrow I could eat an entire Cheesecake with a spoon and no remorse. I might have a little remorse, but in the end, life would go on and I could justify the crap out of the dessert.
     When 5 or 6 obese or very overweight women are consistently commenting on each other's blogs, applauding the loss of 3 ounces in a month, and lamenting that tomorrow is another day, I get very sad. It is not my problem, but in the end it is not really helpful to anyone. Before I started adding my own two cents around this forum, above and beyond laying out what I was doing for myself and how I was losing weight, I got educated. I read what I posted below, and it applies to not only alcholics or drug addicts, but to food addicts. I investigated what I was saying with trained professionals before I opened my mouth. I follow these 4 rules. Some of you need to learn what to say before you advise anyone on anything.

#1 – Understand addiction in order to help addicts
This is a logical and very necessary first step. Before you can learn how best to help a struggling addict or alcoholic, you need to understand the nature of addiction. There are several models of addiction that attempt to describe what it is and why it affects people.
#2 – Get help yourself in order to help the addict
We can control our own behavior–including how we behave in relationship to a sick and suffering (and possibly manipulative) addict. Educating yourself on how to set limits and boundaries is one of the most important things that you can do in this case.
#3 – Establish boundaries and set limits with the addict
Setting a boundary like this is difficult because there is this tendency to hurt other’s feelings. Setting boundaries is about putting your own personal well being first, and letting that be a guiding example of how to live.
#4 – Confronting the addict
Any time that you casually approach the struggling addict or talk with them about the possibility of getting help is an example of an informal intervention. This might not sound like a very useful option but it can be very effective.

     I understand and have tried to look past the glad handing, trying to uplift a friend's spirits, or even to lend a hand to the down and out. I get all of it, and these are great traits to have as a human being. When these traits are applied to food addicts, sometimes you do more harm than good. There are a lot of scenarios that can show how coddling, or enabling a fat person hurts them. The worst case is the group of 5 women, in this case almost a ton of weight shared between them, instructing each other on the benefits of Wii exercise, or a cheat meal, or even how to lose weight. Again, helping a friend cross the street is nice, but closing your eyes and ears while doing it is very dangerous. There will come a case when it becomes criminal as well, as some of the bloggers who are the heaviest are trying to sound like they know something other than how to get to the land of obesity.
    I do not know how to get lean and healthy. I am following a plan and I have learned from experts. I can pass on the information to anyone that wants it. I do know how to get very fat, in a short amount of time. If an obese person tells you how to lose weight, step back, find their thought process, and run. While all 300 pound people are not obese, I have yet to find any 6 foot 10 inch power forwards in the NBA blogging about their size. Five foot tall women that are 150 pounds overweight are not helping the world by advising other obese people. They mean well, that is not the point. We all need to see where the information is coming from, why it is being spewed, and take it with a grain of salt, or in my case, abject laughter. That does not mean that an obese person can not tell you what they have read and what they are going to do. It does mean that until they make some progress on their own consistently, seek guidance elsewhere and follow your own plans.
     As the year winds down, I am reflecting on blogging, the crazy people out there, and the ones that truly help. I can not categorize myself, as I blog for me. The Challenges are a shared set of information that I forward from professionals. I am doing nothing except putting myself out there, showing you three or four times a day how I do this, and enjoying life. How you use the information is up to you. If you need support from other obese people that tell you it is okay to maintain your girth, that cheating is expected, and that time is not important in the journey, then you will reap exactly what you sew, and you will become those that teach you blindly. I learned online first from people that not only talked the talk, but they lost a great deal of weight. You know the names, Karen, Sean, Dawn, EggFace, Christine, they are still around and they are helping by showing what they know. Go to them, not to a 300 pound woman that is reading yet another diet plan that she is ready to follow. Pity them, show them what is correct, but stop following the insanity. Argh,...

DAY 229, THURSDAY, DEC 30, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

A little perspective from Rosie on this fine last day before the last day before 2011. Eat, don't eat, not my problem in the end. I have tried to help, and I will continue to explain what I am doing. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't. In the end, I can not help you, nor should I have to. Help yourself. It is worth it.

DAY 229, THURSDAY, DEC 30, 2010

2010-12-30T07:53:00.000-05:00

     To me, the blogging world for losing weight is fodder. A lot of us are serious about losing weight, we try our best, and in time we will get healthy. There are plenty of success stories. Some people need to lose 20 pounds, some 400 pounds. Everyone is unique, and everyone has a different goal and challenge. I read them all, and the blogs that draw me in the most are written by the most lonely, confused, misinformed and usually well spoken obese people. Posting on your blog that you lost 100 pounds as a lead in for followers or sympathy is ridiculous. Selling swamp land in Florida as the land of the future is just as misleading. Both writers are looking for something, and as usual in the world of people that are looking for a great deal, both con artists will have believers.
     Let's focus on the diet con. As a hypothetical, without calling anyone specifically out, let's say you weigh 337 pounds today. You are a month or two away from 60 years old, and your life expectancy is not all that promising. It's math, nothing personal, I don't want anyone to die. If you jumped into the blog world to get some attention in say August of 2009 at 388 pounds with the best intentions, and you post this week that you are 337 pounds, the 100 plus pound math is confusing. So we are all on the same page, losing 51 pounds in 18 months is great, and keeping it off is great in alot of cases. If you still are over 330 pounds, it is not great. Your BMI of 55 is at least 30 points higher than healthy. Your healthy weight should be 140 pounds or so, and these are all averages from different medical authorities. Here is the problem I have, actually here is where I find humor and feel sad.
     Math sucks kids, and once again, math is not our friends. Dieting is serious, and taking your time while conning others into believing that you are on a good path is dangerous. At this persons current weight loss of 2.5 pounds per month, she will be at a safe and healthy weight in 76 months, if she can continue on at this plan. In 76 months, at 68 years old, she will have been blogging about getting to her goal weight for 10 years. She will have amassed a loyal following, and she will have brought along a couple of people who believe in the slow and steady plan of attack. There are 2 sides of the coin of course. There are some that will say, at least she will get to her goal, even though she will have been dieting while blogging for 10 years. There are some that will actually realize that she blogs for sympathy and friendship, with no regards for her health or weight loss.
     I feel horribly for this person, just as I feel horribly for misguided people that are obese. I was obese, I am still fat, and I hope the path I am on continues. My path is not the only one that works. I don't write about my adventures on this path for anyone else but myself. I could care less who follows me, who ridicules me, and who copies me. I was a pig, now I eat less and move more. It is not rocket science, nor does it need to be lauded. Anyone can do it. Time is an issue out there. Losing 100 pounds, gaining 80 back, then losing 50 again is horrible as well. Bringing along other lost souls with you is horrible as well. Call me whatever you want, I can take everyone's crap. In the end, unless you walk the walk, then stop reading this please. There is no time for playing around, bullshitting about fake success, and lauding the people that "At least I didn't gain" is their mantra. Either try your best, you might fail we all have, or stop whining about it.
     Some of the more idiotic that stalk here everyday will read this as "My way is the only way that works". These same people will then blog about it, make fun of it, and eat a pizza while talking. Obviously there are many ways to lose weight. My path works for me, and 90% of you can't follow it anyway. I want you all to succeed, and I hope in the New Year you guys stop coddling and enabling the people that need a swift kick in the ass the most.

DAY 228, WEDNESDAY, DEC 29, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-29T15:24:00.000-05:00

   I have some free time, so I was checking some facts for the Challenge and to make sure that everything added up. My policy is still to trust no one, so I check the professionals. You should as well, in everything you do. I wanted to understand the low carb plans I have read about. I tried low carb back in the day, and the plan is great. It is not a great plan in my humble opinion for weight loss, but it is a great way to eat a crap load of food and call it a diet. Dubbed "Anything with a face is ok", the plan has you counting carbs in food, no matter the calorie count. The induction start phase allows 20 grams of carbs or so per day for the first few weeks. The no sugar part of the plan is awesome. I find that my body thrives without the sugar. Sugar for me is the trigger, the enemy, and in all of its forms it is the plan killer. I eat as little as possible, there is some sugars in everything, as I can get away with. The hollowed out bagels are horrible for me, and they are my Everest. Cake and sweets, all lumped together have to be avoided 100%. If I slip a little, I fall off the wagon. Maybe you guys can have a piece of candy and all is well. I am an addict, and 100% abstinence is all I can do.
   So I checked, I analyzed, and although there is meat and candy on the 1200 calorie per day plan that the Phase 4 Challengers will follow, for me I have to follow the plan, without the meat and candy. It kills me, but I understand my body. If you ask me if I am the only one that has this problem, I will swear that all obese people could benefit from cutting out the animal fats and the sugars. I can't push that on anyone, but for me it has helped me. I hope I am alone in this, and the plan works for everyone the way it is written.
   I searched around to see how my morning rant went. Princess said is best I think "I figuerd Darla would be back. No one likes to go "dark" for long when they want attention. It was inevitable."
As for my other stalker in Ohio, there are no lies here, no fabrications. You pointed out the link to "Layla" and of course she is "Anonymous" as well. Your welcoming her back to the land of the weight loss blogging is as expected. No problem for me, just facts. And for the record, that kid that stole my lunch money in Kindergarten, Johnny Stallings, he is still on my list. I never forget.
   BJ's Wholesale tonight to get the supplies needed for New Years Brunch at the house. Should be fun, I get to cook and create, and who knows what will be produced. Pictures to follow.

DAY 228, WEDNESDAY, DEC 29, 2010

2010-12-29T09:05:00.000-05:00

     I read a poll in two Entertainment magazines and they listed favorite movies by gender. Women overwhelmingly voted for "Gone with the Wind" and "A Streetcar Named Desire". Romantic, strong male leads, it makes sense. When you jump to the other gender, men prefer "The Godfather" and "Star Wars". The theme that runs through the masculine choices is one of protecting honor, your friends, and your family. That said, you might understand a little more about men. Guess who is back in the blog world ? You can call her Anonymous, Layla, or Darla. Either of the three names has harassed me, ridiculed me, and commented across the blog world that the diet I follow is ridiculous, not working, and evil. Comments about my arrogance, my love of the diet I am on, and even comments about my peeps that I support and help. Obviously Lainie and Mandy welcomed her back from being called Anonymous, and her recent name Layla. The others that are following her either have no idea about her insanity, or are unaware of the real person under all the fake names, or welcome her back as fellow obese people that can not help themselves.
     First off, being obese or fat is not a crime. Being 300 pounds as a five foot tall woman, and whining about it for 4 years with 8 blogs and 5 aliases as you stay at 300 pounds is ridiculous. Either live the life and enjoy it at the size you are, or Shut the fuck up and do something about it. Blaming others for your failures is silly, and as your last artery shuts, it will not be blaming anyone for your fat ass except you. I get the weight problems, I do not understand blaming everyone else in the world for your gluttony. I also can not understand spreading hate against me, when I all want to do is show people what I have done. I get that I am not a ball of fun all the time. Comment once right here, no need to hide. If you do something else diet wise that works as well, than good for you and I applaud and learn from it. If you put my life down, and then pack on the pounds and kill yourself a little more, then I worry about the mortician visiting soon.
     My new thought, as I am a "Godfather" enthusiast, would be to protect my peeps online. In that regard, if you choose to follow Darla, please spare me the pain, and drop me from your blog rolls and unfollow my blog. I am going to drop all of those that follow her and I have followed from my daily reading lists. I will miss Debbie, and I will miss Anne H alot, I care about them. I can not condone following crazy, and it is healthier for all of us if I stay out of the Darla craziness for the New Year. Sounds odd if you are a female, and maybe you won't understand. I actually do not care, this blog has always been for me. If you want to follow a 300 pound woman that spews hate as she goes through 2011 gaining weight in a weight loss forum, then power to you. No more for me next year, thank you very much.
    Still snow, although it is melting. They say we are going to have 50 degree weather on New Year's Day. Everything should melt by then I guess. Lots of water today, and I am walking to the gym later on. Awesome.

DAY 227, TUESDAY, DEC 28, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-28T15:49:00.001-05:00

Phase 4 is done. All finished, typed, researched, double checked and approved by the people that matter. Food is serious shit this time. If you can not follow a diet plan, with limited choices, the this in not for you. There is nothing expensive or out of the ordinary, but you must commit. The exercise is a combination of a little walking and a little strength training for the first week. The second week packets will go out before the second week begins. As we all progress, the personalized programs will progress. By Spring we will not be running a 4 minute mile. We will be able to walk a mile away from our homes, walk back, and not need to see a mortician. We will be happy, thinner, healthier and smiling. We will all feel great by May 1.

I must repeat a few things. This is not for everyone, and I am not telling you to do this. There are alternatives out there, and whatever works for you, then you have my blessing, if that matters. It shouldn't, but some of you are looking for approval from someone. I approve. I don't care actually, but I approve. As for the plan that we have had drawn up for us, if you choose to leave as we go, that is fine. Crap happens all the time. If you follow the plan, I expect 100% commitment to the plan. You can not lose over 50 pounds in 11 weeks if you are wishy washy, or if you take a day off, or have a cheat meal or a cheat day, or cheat at all.
As the year ends, I am 160 pounds lighter than I was last New Year's Eve. Not a boast, not arrogant, just a fact. I know that anyone can do this. If you start fat enough it is easy. The diet is simple, the commitment is hard. I treat my fat like a disease. I wish I started the plan 10 years ago, and I wish everyone to be healthier.
For Phase 4 I expect strict commitment to the plan. If you can not follow it all the time, I will have no patience for you at this point. This is not for everyone, I understand and appreciate that. If you make the leap, expect to lose weight and get healthy. For Phase 4, for lack of a better term, it is my way or stay away. The only way for the people on the plan that want to succeed is to be focused and have the help of those that are here for us. They have no time for slackers. Let's have fun, but this is not a Challenge to play with. Onward we go !!

DAY 227, TUESDAY, DEC 28, 2010

2010-12-28T10:36:00.001-05:00

   Vacation is not really a vacation if you couldn't get to work even if you wanted to via the train. As the LIRR is out of commission, and who knows when they will be running, getting into the city is impossible. Driving in is ridiculous, as I am not only not NASCAR proficient, I don't trust 99% of the other drivers on the ice slick that is being used as a road out there. Sue went to work with some of the guys from her warehouse that live locally. I am watching the dogs whine about not being allowed to stay out in the snow. Stanley is 8 months old, and every day he proves it by whining just a little more about childish things. I guess it will pass, but being inside with him yesterday, and what will be all day today will get dicey unless he is sleeping.
   I did get the car out, went to the local Bagel place, and stocked up on low carb, sugar free bagels for the week. Also got some lo-fat cream cheese and some tuna salad with veggies. I am set if the storm returns. They are expecting 45 to 50 degrees temps with rain on Friday and Saturday. That should wash away the bulk of the snow. I also have Nick the Contractor coming this morning. When we replaced all the carpet with flooring this summer all was great. It seems now that under the floor, actually under the house, there is no insulation. Parts of the floor and the house are very cold, while the heat says the house is a constant 68 - 69 degrees. Today's task is to find out what is up.
   I read some great blogs of hope and new strategies. I dropped some people out of Phase 4 after reading some of the new plans that you are undertaking. Any plan is awesome, the one we are on is not necessarily going to be the best, but sticking to one thing will help everyone. Focus on one thing, and I am sure everyone will succeed. EMAIL me by Friday to enroll, as over the weekend we are finishing Phase 3 and I will be getting the roll out of Phase 4 all set perfectly. This is never a contest, there is no yelling or screaming, but this time there are some prizes and I will be expecting commitment from everyone.

DAY 226, MONDAY, DEC 27, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-27T15:40:00.001-05:00

A little modification on the badge, now that I have finished the food parts of the Challenge.

The road will be long, and those that slip, well it is a Challenge, and slips are not a great idea. The reason we are doing this with a great commitment is shown on the following list. When the Challenge ends, if my peeps can toe the line and follow the plan, this is where they will be. For those that followed the rules, the past estimates were very accurate.

My peeps know that I use math, not fantasy or conjecture. The weights are based on the most recent weigh-in's for those in Phase 3. In the end, the weight loss is rapid, healthy, controlled by a team of professionals and a great way to jump start your health. If you have entered and I have no idea as to your starting weight, we will do the math next week when we start. The reason I do this is on the left. If you don't think you can keep up with the 1,200 calories per day and light exercise and water, then spend the next 5 days giving it a try. It gets easy, the results are fantastic, and you will be eating healthier than you ever have before. If you are afraid of the low calorie level then you do not belong in the Challenge, and that is fine as well. My personal opinion is not relevant, you need to follow your own path. The best examples I have for all of this is ANN, whose blog is Living large no more. In 2010 Ann has lost almost 90 pounds. It will be very close at the end of the year. In May of 2011, while some of you are deciding on how to drop 150 pounds for bathing suit season 2012, Ann will be at 192 pounds. Ann started at 307 pounds, and she has been rocking the challenges for the past 9 weeks. Similarly, Laryssa, whose blog is Living in My Magic Garden, started her weight loss blog at 346 pounds in February of this year. 11 months later, only 9 weeks on the Challenges, and she is at 289 pounds right now. Losing 57 pounds to date, she will drop another 64 over the next 12 weeks, getting to 235 pounds on the first of May.

Nothing is impossible if you have a plan, focus on the plan, commit to the plan, and never fall off the plan. The reason we are blogging is to lose weight. The concept is not to maintain or gain weight, the idea is to lose weight. We will focus on that, and if that is not your plan, then fine by me, whatever works for you is great as well.

We shoveled, shoveled some more, and it is still a mess. Not going anywhere, so no big deal. Sooner or later we will shovel again. It is supposed to get up to 47 this weekend, and by Sunday everything should be melted and gone. The dogs loved the snow, and they anxiously await their next walk. Tuna salad for me so far, after some eggs for breakfast. Dinner will be from anyone that delivers. It is Monday, someone should be open for food.

Vacation so far feels like a Sunday. Thursday night is shopping night, as we are having a shindig at our home on New Year's Day. A brunch for 20 or so, and I will create some tasty and highly caloric stuff. Not for me of course, but I do enjoy fattening up the guests.

DAY 226, MONDAY, DEC 27, 2010

2010-12-27T06:30:00.001-05:00

A couple of people actually sent me weigh-ins prior to the cutoff and I left them out. The list is now amended and updated. With 59 people in the Challenge, including myself, we lost 369 pounds so far in 18 days, a whopping 71 pounds lost over the holidays.

It was not as bad as feared, and I am still proud of everyone that showed up. It took a lot more guts for Diana to post her week than it did for the ten people that did not even bother to post anything. Quitting is very easy. Being an adult, and coming clean then fixing your problems for the following week is a lot more helpful and mature. I am sure she will bounce back just as I am sure that Jessica who once again rocked the scales will chill a little as she goes forward. At a sustainable 3 pounds per week loss, she will continue to get healthy as she follows a great plan, hydrates, and with some new guides, starts a moderate exercise plan.
   I have adjusted Phase 4 entrants list and there is room for others. Email me if you wish to enter. With the snowfall I have plenty of time on my hands to get everything all set for the 3rd of January. It will be great, and over the long haul to Spring we are going to lose a ton of fat. When I say a ton, I am counting and I expect all of us to contribute to the 2000 pound loss.
   Vacation week, and coffee, water and hollowed bagels are on the docket for the morning. With 2 feet of blowing snow outside, my ass is not shoveling until lunch, when the accumulation dies. The shoveling yesterday afternoon paid off, as the walkway is very lightly covered. The winds off the Ocean helped as well. Plows on Sunday overtime schedules were abundant on the street, and the power and Direct TV stuff has been perfect. Sue has only burned one bagel this morning, and number 2 is coming on the way. Cooking, not so much, but she tries.
   Thirteen years ago today, at the Graceland Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada, Suzanne and I were married. Elvis, well a very interesting impersonator sang, a bunch of my friend were there, we partied like Rock Stars and had a blast. 13 years later, still here, getting healthy, and smiling. No one figured it would last. Yay for us !!!

DAY 225, SUNDAY, DEC 26, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-26T18:45:00.000-05:00

They are still expecting 24" of snow. Two feet is to high for the kids to go out in, so they are Wee-Wee padding. They are none to pleased. The wind is howling, the snow is coming down like wild, and I am relaxing inside and watching Gene Simmons reruns. We had leftovers for dinner, and I just had an apple. Sleep should come soon. I opened the bottle of Tito's in the freezer, and poured a little with some Crystal Light Pink Lemonade. The weigh-ins are complete. If your name is not on the list then I want to thank you for joining the Challenge and I am sorry that you are not with us any longer. In addition, if you are not on the Phase 4 list, but were prior to not sending in your weight on time, you should have figured it out. Also, not the end of the world, but we are moving forward with people that are ready for a Challenge.

We lost 347 pounds to date, in 18 days of the Phase 3. There are 56 people still involved, losing an average of 6 pounds each. That is nothing to sneeze at over the Christmas holidays. Those that did not do as well, you know why, and it is time to end the year on a good note. There were some All-Stars, and a couple of the Challengers are just now realizing that the point of the Challenge is to follow all of the rules, all of the time. Hopefully the sins of the past will not repeat themselves moving forward. Let's all try to get our shit together as we end 2010. Next year starts Phase 4, and I personally am on track to get very close to my goal weight by April. I probably won't make it until May. That is fine with me, and I am here for the long haul no matter what.
Snow is flying down, weight is coming off, time for a nap. Enjoy the snow and the weather.

DAY 225, SUNDAY, DEC 26, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-26T15:14:00.001-05:00

   I figure that 3 inches of snow fell so far in 2 hours or so. I went outside to shovel the steps in front and clear the walkway for the dogs to go out. I grabbed a shovel, and started in. No heavy breathing, no sweats, and no fear of a heart attack. I cleared the steps and a path in 10 minutes. Dogs are walked, back inside relaxing, and watching the snow fall from the warmth and security of my house. Jets playing, fake fireplace is roaring, and clothes are drying nicely. I feel great, my resting pulse is awesome, and there were no pains at all from the shoveling. We are not talking a marathon run here, but it is nice to know that I can shovel without a visit to the hospital or a dinner with my Grandpa Joe. 160 pounds of shit off me. Imagine shoveling while carrying a normal sized person on your back. With them gone, the first snow of the year is a breeze.
   The weigh in's are coming in and they suck. The Challenge is not to skate by, it is to actually lose weight. The excuses of the holiday and cookies are monumental and widespread. I will repeat that the total numbers are for no one else to be concerned with except the Challengers. No need to worry about skewing the totals, but peeps, this is supposed to be a diet. I get the whole, "this year I didn't gain weight thing", and the awe inspiring "I gained less this year", but these are still fat guy excuses. Buckle up buttercups, this is the last week of the year, and not a cause to buffet yourself into 2011 as a larger you. End on a low note for a change. Hopefully the last set of stragglers that have an hour and 40 minutes to send me their weights will not be worse.
   Still snowing, looks great, and the busiest travel day of the year has to be F'ed up royally. So happy my BIL is in town at my In-Laws. There is a God, and he is laughing a little at their house right now. OMG, so happy that it is snowing.

DAY 225, SUNDAY, DEC 26, 2010

2010-12-26T09:18:00.000-05:00

Tracking the end of the world blizzard as it approached New York. Estimates are from 12" to 24" of snow. We have been to the supermarket already, and stocked up on the few things that we will need in case we are stuck for, a month ? Coffee, water, Diet Pepsi, toilet paper and some apples. All good to go, let it snow. Before 8:00 AM, Waldbaums, the local supermarket has one checkout aisle, and 5 self checkout aisles. Figure with no shopping yesterday, the usual Sunday people, and the snow crazed shoppers, there were 150 people in the store at 7:30 AM trying to checkout. Carts everywhere, lines looped around the store, and the elderly using the self checkouts with little concern. A clusterfuck on a Sunday. We waited patiently, chatted with our neighbors and talked about snow.
It's 9:30 AM and their is not a flake to be had. They expected it to start at 4:00 AM, now at Noon. At 3 inches per hour, it should be awesome to watch. I intend to be on my new chair, watching the Jets crush Da Bears. Lots of coffee so far and water. We will figure out lunch later, as the day begins in earnest. Send me your weights today if you are in Phase 3 of the Challenge. I am not chasing anyone after 5:00 PM...

DAY 224, SATURDAY, DEC 25, 2010 PART 4

2010-12-25T16:56:00.000-05:00

I thought I would slide this in, for those that want to get in on Phase IV. I get emails about who is helping, who is watching, and what is backing up the logic. My usual answer has been that this is a leap of faith and we are proving that the leap is justified. Here is a little Christmas present to those that either can not leap blindly, or want a little insight as to whom is behind the crazy.

Research does suggest that drinking plenty of water may help you lose weight. An abstract by Dr. Brenda Davy, associate professor of human nutrition, foods and exercise at Virginia Tech, presented at last year's obesity conference in Phoenix, Arizona, showed that people who drank two glasses of water 20 to 30 minutes before every meal lost weight more quickly initially and lost significantly more weight than those who didn't. In another study by Davy and her group, published last year in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, she found that people who drank water before meals ate an average of 75 fewer calories at that meal. This may not seem like much, but if you ate 75 fewer calories at lunch and dinner for the next year, you could lose about 14½ pounds! In addition, being even 1 percent dehydrated can cause a significant drop in metabolism, which can also interfere with weight loss. Finally, it is very difficult for the body to differentiate hunger from thirst. If you don't drink enough water throughout the day, you may mistake thirst for hunger and eat more than you really need, which can also impair weight loss. So staying well hydrated is important, particularly if you are trying to lose weight.

Rather than throw around the facts like some of you guys do, you should know I can not make this stuff up. I am not this educated, and I only know what I have learned. Back up your thoughts with actual knowledge, and then you can debate anyone.The italicized paragraph came to me from Dr. Melina Jampolis. She is an internist and board certified physician nutrition specialist (one of only a few hundred in the country). She specializes exclusively in nutrition for weight loss and disease prevention and treatment. A graduate of Tufts University as well as Tufts School of Medicine, she completed her residency in internal medicine at Santa Clara Valley Medical Center, a Stanford University teaching hospital. In 2005, Dr. Melina hosted a program on the Discovery Network's FIT TV titled "Fit TV's Diet Doctor" and she currently serves as the diet and fitness expert for CNNHealth.com.

We have fancy folks helping us, and they are all smarter than all of us at weight loss and health. Phase 4 is filling up, as Phase 3 ends next Sunday. Start the New Year doing something, not necessarily our Challenge, but do something productive. Don't hydrate because I tell you it works. Don't eat less because a lot of us are losing weight rapidly while maintaining and improving our health. Don't join in a Challenge out of peer pressure, or because it looks like fun. Join us or any Challenge because you are fat, you are tired of being fat, and you want to lose weight before the Spring begins. EMAIL me if you want to join. We are filling up, and I will end the sign-ups whenever I please. The diet part of this is going to be a strict 1,200 calories per day. We will all learn or re-learn how to do this and enjoy our lives. There is walking involved as exercise for the first month, and then we are adding strength training with no gym or weights needed. It will be for everyone to do. Some of us might be more advanced then the exercise plan. If you are losing a ton of weight on your plan and diet already, then you don't need this. We will all be together, we will work together, and we will lose weight together. Oh, and by the way, there will be fluids and lots of urine... All good, Merry Christmas, and have a great Saturday !!!

DAY 224, SATURDAY, DEC 25, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-25T14:15:00.000-05:00

Got to the theater at 10:15 AM for the 10:26 AM showing of something with Reese Witherspoon, Jack Nicholson and 2 guys. The movie ended at 1:00 PM. 25 minutes of previews, then 2 hours that I will never be getting back. Mercifully, I had to pee at the one hour mark. I took a little nap as well, so it was not a total loss. We decided to pass on the Benihana, and picked up some stuff from the bagel place on the way home fo lunch. Tonight we will order in Chinese, or venture out to see what is open. Sue is watching a Law & Order, CI marathon now, and I am typing a little. Overcast as well, with a storm moving up the East Coast with the threat of a foot of snow Sunday into Monday. Always nice to not be missing anything, with next week off. I can walk to the gym, so I will be fine. My week is open after that.
Spending a little time on reading your blogs today, and checking the different reports from the medical staff that is playing with Phase 4. Should be fun, looks a little tame for the first month. As for the food, we are going to use the 1200 calories per day level with pride. It works, so that is what we will do. Enjoy your holiday cheer. Weigh-in tomorrow for my peeps.

DAY 224, SATURDAY, DEC 25, 2010 XMAS

2010-12-25T05:59:00.003-05:00

     My biological clock could care less that it is Christmas morning, let alone 4:15 AM on Saturday. We are getting up. Tonight we are also going back to the seperate blankets in bed routine at the Klein manor. As my spouse enjoys throwing the blankets on and off for ladies reasons, I need consistency in warmth or coolness, whichever the case may be. The changes are not for me, and the dogs get confused as well as the down flies. As I am sleeping in the bed more, especially now with new furniture from yesterday, I need to be prepared to stave off the blanket beast. As it is Christmas, I have had some coffee and water this morning, and now at 5:40 AM I await Sue to awaken and open her gifts. The gift we got together, the TV that arrived at 2:40 yesterday is showing a MASH rerun. At 6:00AM Roseanne will grace the screen. As Direct TV didnt get me the HDTV box yet, the picture is a little less than perfect. Still very cool, and the screen is pretty freakishly big. We are pleased with ourselves. The good stuff is yet to come for Sue. After the gifts we are going to the 10:30AM showing of the Reese Witherspoon film near us, and then a lunch/early dinner at Benihana in Westbury. A tradition we will continue. No word from Sue's mother, and tomorrow I will go off on her. You can fuck with me, but hurt my wife like this, then look out.
    I am having to remind myself to drink fluids while not at work constantly. I got them all in yesterday, and today I am on the way, but it is a constant struggle. The food is easy, as I have a very good guesstimate of what portions are allowed within the food groups I allow myself to have. Over 7 months into this, you would think it got easier. The day to day does, but the cravings remain. If you are starting out on a plan, and next week a lot of you will be lamenting the food horror from Christmas Eve until the New Year that you have indulged in, I can offer one thing that I learned. You all hate this, and if you follow just one thing this is the most significant and a can't fail concept. Do not think you are allowed to eat anything you want in moderation. That is a fat guy concept, perpetuated by the myth that you deserve all that life has to offer. Bullshit people. If you are allowed to eat 1800 calories per day, and figure that two slices of pizza, a diet coke and 4 oreos are only 600 calories, and a third of your food allotment, your math is correct. Your reality is way the fuck off. An obese person, all obese people for the record that I have ever encountered, are not happy with that meal, and stopping there. It is tasty, I covet the thought, but that is the start of a downward path. Two slices becomes half a pie. 4 Oreos becomes a sleeve of 24. Diet Coke, is really the same as the 16 ounce Orange Soda in the bottle isn't it ? You have great intentions, and the math is correct. The food, not so much. It is confusing, I get that it sucks more than most people, but in the end, cutting things out that trigger more eating has been the key to my limited success so far. There are successful people, very successful dieters that can eat anything they want, portioned exactly, and lose a ton of weight. I envy them. There are a handful of them on the planet, and only one that I read consistently that can do that. The rest of use wish we can, but we can not. That is why we are fat, and all the intuituion in the world will not drown out the beast that wants the cookies.
     I know, it is just a cookie. I get that it is a slice of Prime Rib, or a serving of Mashed potatoes. In the healthy world it all makes sense and adds up. For the obese and very fat, it is very different. Do what you want, live the way you have to, I get it, I used to be obese. I am still fat, just a little more educated now about foods. Next Christmas I want to wish everyone well, and tell you all how great it feels to not worry about food every minute. I want to be under 199 and healthy. I will be around, not as often, and there will be pictures of me to prove my point. Eating the foods that got me to over 400 pounds, even in moderation, is not getting me there. That is the truth, no matter what anyone tells me. I can not eat 4 Oreos. Maybe you can, but then again why are you in this Forum, and reading this. Maybe you can't and are fooling yourself. If you have a guide on your blog showing your weight loss efforts, and last year's numbers look like this year's numbers then,,,,,, well Merry Christmas, more later, enjoy your families...

DAY 223, FRIDAY, DEC 24, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-24T13:46:00.000-05:00

     It might not be the greatest furniture in the world, but the delivery men are always on time, courteous and swift. Couches and chairs are in, and the Fireplace is roaring. One bottle of wine in the cooler, and the mantle awaits the TV. The delivery window for the TV is 1PM to 3PM. So far, not here at 1:30. I did manage to get to BJ's Wholesale to pick up the last of the DooDads we needed. I found a Sony DVD player, with remote, for $39.95 and got it. I guess the Blu-Ray is replacing the DVD, but I could care less. I gots me a DVD player for the TV. With the player, I picked up "Despicable Me" to watch, in the gift pack. Sue keeps calling me so fluffy, I might as well get her the film. Also while there, got some Chicken for the dogs, some cheese for the dogs, and a box of Grapes. All set, waiting for the arrival, everyone snoring on new furniture, except me of course.
     In funnier news, my brother in law Spike is in town to stay with Sue's parents for the holidays. I think he lives in a Carolina or something, so he drove up. He spoke to Sue this morning and told her that he was sure that the child had outstayed her welcome at the In-Laws. Sue laughed, I howled, and we both agree, life sucks for them. I wonder where she will go next, not here of course. I did have a family epiphany again. Last week, with my older sister coming to town, causing me to miss seeing my baby sister and her child, I told my family I would make other plans after the older sister left to see everyone. I told them to call or text when some time was free. Well, it is Friday, a week later, and no word from anyone over there. I assume they are not calling. For the holidays, I called my MIL and told her Sue and I would love to stop by for Christmas, as Sue wants to see her Mother. I told her we would coordinate an appearance around the child not being there. No reason to cause a problem with the kid that only wishes me dead. That was Sunday, and I was told very excitedly that I would get a call back on Monday. It's Friday, no call yet, so I know where we stand with all the parents. Excellent stuff, we are doing Benihana and a movie anyway.
     Soon, a TV, for now, not so much..

DAY 223, FRIDAY, DEC 24, 2010

2010-12-24T06:35:00.000-05:00

The window for the furniture delivery is 7:06 AM until 10:06 AM. The recording was very specific. The television delivery has an online window for 10:00 AM to 7:00 PM. Here for the day I guess.

This is the first movie that Sue wants to see on the new TV. I think she might have gone off the deep end. Agnes is kind of cute, as long as she goes home with someone far from my house.
Enjoy the day before the cookie fest. I still need to shop, hope I have time !!!

DAY 222, THURSDAY, DEC 23, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-23T11:16:00.002-05:00

   You lucky bastards. It seems that my friend and partner in Phase 4 was checking some of the blogs, trying to make sure the exercise part of the plan was Challenge friendly. She came upon this piece of love from my old friend..
oh damn, i missed the whole "keeping allan honest" thing. I always miss all the fun. See what happens when I go wallow in illness for a few days? drat.drat.drat. I have GOT to find out more about that person. what a hoot. That' a full time job right there. Shift work even.
   It seems that the love is being spread all over. One of the better comments that, let's call her Darla as that is her real name, threw out there was the old "My way or the Highway" crap. I can not repeat myself anymore that there are plenty of successful ways to lose weight. When obese people ridicule my success, well it makes me laugh. Unfortunately for the Challenge entrants in Phase 4, my Exercise Goddess has a different opinion about choices.
   As my Christmas gift to everyone entered in Phase 4, or thinking about it, Phase 4 has two diet plans. Both are, you guessed it, 1,200 calories every day. There is no other option, there is no eat at goal weight level, this time we are playing for keeps. EMAIL me to sign up, or to get out now. Sometimes your peeps piss off the people that want to help, and we all pay the price. For the record, her first response was to tell everyone to "F" themselves and send her a check for her time. This is the compromise, and you are allowed to not enter of course, just as you are allowed to enter.
   As there will be plenty of after the holiday diet plans, and we all know that Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig are preparing their infomercials right now to air on the first of the year, those plans might be perfect for you. I like the support they offer, and there are choices for food and snacks. Around here next month and for 11 weeks or so, not so much...

DAY 222, THURSDAY, DEC 23, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-23T10:42:00.000-05:00

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil . . .

Satan: 'Why so glum?'

Guy: 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'

Satan: 'Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.You a drinking man?'

Guy: 'Sure, I love to drink.'

Satan: 'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then.

On Mondays, that's all we do is drink.. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine

coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.'

Guy: 'Gee that sounds great!'

Satan: 'You a smoker?'

Guy: 'You better believe it!'

Satan: 'All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays.

We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out; if you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?'

Guy: 'Wow . . . that's awesome!'

Satan: 'I bet you like to gamble.'

Guy: 'Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.'

Satan: 'Good, beause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow.'

Guy: 'Cool!'

Satan: 'What about drugs?'

Guy: 'Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean . . .. ?'

Satan: 'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobi the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead, so who cares?'

Guy: 'Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

Satan: 'You gay?'

Guy: 'No . . . '

Satan: 'Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough .'

DAY 222, THURSDAY, DEC 23, 2010

2010-12-23T08:37:00.002-05:00

   Some of you are fucking hilarious. I give you a little rope, REJECT, and some of you lose your minds. To Mrs. D's husband, so sorry that I brought this up. Your loss is, well your wife can swallow a cookie now when you are in the mood. Karen, boogers and nose blowing as exercise, I think not, but who can tell. While I usually start the posts with the breakfast delights, I should tell you that Sue fell asleep last night early. As I needed some exercise, I turned on some Playboy porn on Direct TV, got comfy on the couch with some moisturizer, and proceeded to make a pair of the cutest booties. I knitted my ass off. I also had a bottle of water and played with the dog.
   As for following our friendly reject, the numbers she posts are scary frightening, and they could almost be an advocate for a low calorie life plan. The food choices suck, but her plan is to follow the Twinkie theory of calories are calories... She posts that she has ingested 55,478 calorie in 40 days. At her size, the calorie deficit for the 40 days is 70,802 calories. She should have lost 20 pounds mathematically, and more because of the aforementioned exercise. She states a loss of 17 pounds. Close enough to the 20 pounds that she should lose, with no exercise burn at all. Maybe the jerking off really is not exercise. My hobby, but nothing more than that. It was fun to read, but now I feel sad that she is this silly. She will learn, it will take time. The real jerk off is the guy that reads her crap and agrees with it. I refuse to even see his blog, as his comments were like AMBIEN to me.
   As we enter the final stage of the Armageddon of food, I leave you with this photo.

BABY JESUS IN THE MANGER !!

THINK ABOUT IT !!!

DAY 221, WEDNESDAY, DEC 22, 2010 PART 4

2010-12-22T20:08:00.000-05:00

One of the great lines in music to me, is from a Bruce Springsteen song. The phrase is simple and very deep all at the same time. It resonates through me after reading tonights post from REJECTING 300. The words are..."Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse." The song is called the River, and I am applying it to my friends logic in the land of dieting. I am not sure she is lying to make it come true, preaching to the choir, or if only Lanie is listening so she has an audience. She could not be this confused, she has to be lying. Her first frightening sentence of today's post is :
"People who make claims like this and judge everything else pertaining to caloric burn against this stupid statement are only flagrantly flaunting their ignorance to how calorie burning works"
Sweetheart, you have no idea how caloric burn works. The last post, where you added masturbation and knitting to your caloric burn frightened anyone that I sent to read your comedic verse. She adds this bit of nonsense as well
"BREATHING burns calories. Doing your hair burns calories. Wiping your ass burns calories."

Seriously, you can't make this shit up. We understand that everything you do goes into your need to eat 3300 calories at 300 pounds. We all get it, use the rule of 11 times your weight and that is your food for the day. Her math gets even worse, as she has decided that her personal estimation is better than science.

"I weight 269.5 lbs and lead a sedentary lifestyle where I am in front of a computer most of the day. By estimation my body burns approx 2,300 calories per day just performing normal bodily and daily functions like getting out of bed, putting clothes on, brushing my hair, walking to the bathroom etc "

270 pounds of dumb ass, and your math is even wrong. You actually need 2970 calories per day to perform the functions you keep referring to as caloric burn. At 2300 calories of food and drink ingested you would actually lose weight, every day, all the time, for at least a few months until you dropped to 210 pounds. Then you would have to eat less. The calories of food is not the same as cardiovascular calories of energy you ignorant buffoon. It goes on, and a few more ignorant comments are thanking her for the information. OMG, this is scary shit.

On top of this, and the real reason that her blog makes me cringe is this. She started this experiment on November 9th of this year at 287 pounds. Her scale tells her that on the 20th of December she weighs 270 pounds. She has lost 17 pounds in 41 days. Now here is the scary bullshit. She never exceeds 1500 calories of food in a day. Her net caloric loss per day, based on her weight of 287, sliding down to 270 pounds is approximately 1500 calories per day, every day for 41 days. Awesome stuff. 61,500 calories not ingested, plus all that exercise, and she has lost 17 pounds. Math is perfect, life is perfect, and all is perfect. So I understand, without any exercise at all, without all the bullshit about calories while knitting and masturbating, the math of calories in versus weight loss is exact, to the half pound. Dare this all looks too perfect ? Not my call, but you have to ask why all the bullshit about calories burned ?

If any of your thesis was correct, and you are being honest about what you are eating, why only 17 pounds gone? Did jerking off not loop a pound off your ass ? I have to know, it is amazing.

So no one is confused, the difference between a food calorie and a physics calorie is very intense and not for me to explain here. Suffice it to say, they are not the same thing. If you knit for an hour, you are not burning 180 calories of fat in addition to that which you burn while sitting on your ass and buying a sweater online. Either way, you will be fat and toasty. The jerking off needs to stop. It is very simple, and not all that easy to do.Weight loss, not the playing with oneself. I will say that at 300 pounds, finding her happy place will be a puzzle for her. Eat less, move more, and you will lose weight. The masturbating, that is just a good idea either way, because it is fun. I did ask the question as a man, is the caloric burn in playing with myself more than the weight loss that occurs upon expelling the semen ? That weighs something and should count right ? I love reading this shit !! Thanks again..

DAY 221, WEDNESDAY, DEC 22, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-22T13:38:00.000-05:00

I did get a note from the TOPS lady in response to my posting of what I thought was wrong with her plan. For fairness, and in the holiday spirit, here is her email...

I sent a comment to you but I don't know if you will publish it or not. I am the lady you ridiculed in a recent post. I wanted to add that although 6 of 8 TOPS member did gain this past week, the previous week NO ONE gained anything and we averaged 2 pounds lost per member. The week prior to that, our little group of 8 lost 20 pounds in a week. I probably won't post again until Monday evening, which is my next TOPS weigh in. Be looking for it. I'm going to shine. I don't have to put others down in order to make myself look good.

   OK, that is her knee jerk response, and I expect that. First, I did not publish your comment. You post that you are a Christian, God-fearing woman, and your first comment was not in that vein. We will let that slip and not mention it. No one ridiculed you, I ridiculed some of the things you mention. While you have now stepped back and amended the "tube of cookies" to a portion of the cooked cookies, I still believe that one cookie for you will hurt you a lot more than you think. I have been where you are. Again, you are defending 8 people in a group, over three weeks. 8 people x 3 weeks x average of 2 pounds lost per person when on a reasonable diet equals 48 pounds lost. Between the three of you there is barely a 36 pound loss in the month. Pete Best left the band before the Beatles were a hit. Splitting up with those "losers" will help you. I swear to God, on whatever you believe in, that I hope you lose weight. I wish it could happen. With a real plan, no sweets and no cookies, and some knowledge, maybe you have a chance. From what I read, prayer will help.
   Do not confuse this woman with Rejecting 300. This woman has a group, has a friend in Dawn to help her, and has a chance. No harm was intended, maybe a little jesting, but I do not shine by your failing. I shine when my group loses 1/2 a ton in 6 weeks. That is 1000 pounds off, not a little here and there. Find a plan, one that does not involve food rewards or crap, and support is waiting for you.
   For Phase 4 kids, get some walking shoes, and be prepared. The first packet arrived and it is intense. Diet wise, I have not seen anything yummy..

DAY 221, WEDNESDAY, DEC 22, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-22T12:01:00.001-05:00

   The main reason I love the hate is that I am told that I can spread some of it myself. I have read every comment I have posted, and the bottom line is that I have the best intentions. I really do, 99% of the time, and I do not want anyone to stay in the fat prison that I was in for 46 years. It is not a great life health wise, entertainment wise, and fat people are definitely discriminated against in our society. I am not Rosa Parks kids, we can change the attitudes, and no one is telling me where to sit on any bus, not ever. Discrimination has many forms. At 99% productive, in my mind, I can sleep well. There is that 1% that loses it's mind, and childish Al pops out. A blogging friend pointed me to my old friend Rejecting 300. Granted she is young, it took a while to get to almost 300 pounds, and her journey is her own. You feel me, I am in a mood.
   First off, this one writes as if she has a clue. In today's post she is taking calorie credit for blinking and breathing. She deducts that as exercise. I assume my laughter is burning some fat, as I can not stop. She then cites the Mayo clinic and has bonus calories for fidgeting. Sewing and cooking are next, and somewhere she will add in the typing of the bullshit as a caloric burn. She finishes with a plea that as you watch a movie you should masturbate to burn calories. I shit you not, she wrote that, although her explanation is subliminal. Of course after listing her food for the day, she tells us she did not have any exercise for the day. Staring forward, no blinking, no jerking off, you get the drill. There is a picture of Mary McCormack that she aspires too. That was fun. She did start knitting as exercise.
   On Sunday she lists her food intake, as she does everyday. On it she has 2 tacos, and a Burrito, yet still manages to only eat 1333 calories in the day. I looked up the same food up at Taco Bell's website, and to say she is on crack would be an understatement as to how far off she is. She does have a goal, to reach 150 pounds in 556 days. She states that she has lost 18 pounds in the last 7 weeks. At that rate, and remember that the start of the diet is the golden time of rapid loss, she expects a miracle. Whenever I get sad, or hungry, or want to laugh my ass off, I visit her site. She writes like a wanna be Susan Porter or Richard Simmons, and she comes off as a complete moron. If you have a minute, read, laugh, but please do not comment there. She takes your comments as an endorsement and that is aiding and abetting a crime.
   I feel better all the sudden...
And for the record, as the brother does not fall far from the tree, Rejecting...Tell your brother that a pound of fat weighs the same as a pound of muscle, or a pound of Oreos, or a pound of feathers.... The list won't end...

DAY 221, WEDNESDAY, DEC 22, 2010

2010-12-22T08:28:00.003-05:00

   In the middle of our 9th week in the Challenge, and I am not going anywhere. We have lost a combined 810 pounds and I am proud of all of you. By January 1st we will have lost over 1/2 of a ton of fat together. Phase 4 is twice as long as the other Challenge Phases combined. There is a reason for that, and it will play out as we go. Over the first 3 phases we have had a few dropouts. I will never out them, and there is no reason to. This is not for everyone. I have invited 2 people to join over the course of the 9 weeks. Everyone else signed up on their own. That is the reason I continue to do this. The people that send the hate can not lose weight, are stuck in obesity, and they don't want help. My effort for the collective is nothing, when you compare it to the success that many of us have had. Thanks again for the comments, the emails, and the love. Thanks for the hate also. That more than the love tells me that this works. Imagine how well it must work if it inspires obese people to take the time to tell me that I am wrong, that I am overly arrogant and an ego-maniac. I have written hundreds of times (I have over 600 posts in 7 months) that all I have done is lowered the amount of food that I shovel into my mouth. I started my Challenge as I thought it would be fun to lose weight as a group, as many of you entered these Challenges for support. My support is not everyone's cup of tea. I will tell you that if you join in I will be on your ass. I read every blog that is a member, and I comment as I want. Just as you guys are free to comment here. Except of course for the Anonymous kids, and those that actually go to the trouble of naming their blogs in my honor, and then posting hate, all comments are posted. If I needed more inspiration, then these folks fuel me flames. If you post something ridiculous, I will point it out as you started the ball rolling. Diandra, that is the warning shot, everyone gets one my little witch. She is actually a witch I think, so that is not a slur.
   I alluded to TOPS being a diet group, with a bad connotation. I have been corrected, and I erred in not checking facts while reading a post about the support they offer. My mistake, it might happen again, but I will try harder. I still believe that if your weight loss support group of 8 people has 6 members that can not follow the premise of the group, "Weight Loss", then you need a different group. That should not mean that TOPS is not doing a great job. Aside from the people that you all know about online that I email with and meet privately, I owe a lot of my inspiration to Dawn. Dawn wrote to me as she always does, with this :
"TOPS is a non-profit organization that has been around since 1948. It is a weight loss support group and it's only $26 a year. It's not out to make money like Weight Watchers or so many other weight loss groups. I think very highly of it and it has helped me greatly. "
   That is all she needed to tell me. You should all hope that Dawn helps you one day. If you need real inspiration, go visit her blog. If she tells you something, write it down, believe it and follow it.
     EMAIL ME if you are serious about joining Phase 4. I need to get to 199 pounds by the end of the Challenge, or close. I have a lot to do, and toning the old skin is a concern now also. I will not be a delight, like I am now. As for the motherly love you all sent, this is not a problem for me. There is some work but I can handle it. Remember, if I am running the challenge and typing in my blog, I am not eating. That helps me a lot. We are good to go, Spawn, Phase 3 continues, and some of you better pick it up. The bullshit about a little cookie, or the baking shit, or taking off for the holiday should stop. I am definitely a Jew. I am married to a Methodist. I understand the holidays, the families, the spirit of the event, the whole thing. From what I have read in the bible, Jesus was not eating cookies and cakes and pies when he was born. Celebrate the birth, enjoy your family, stay on a diet !!!!

DAY 220, TUESDAY, DEC 21, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-21T17:19:00.001-05:00

     I think I have a new favorite blog. I was very close to throwing in the towel. I read about Allan worship, doing things my way, King Al, and it is all too much. One of our Challenge bloggers has a husband that has a problem with me as well. That is not a good thing. For the record, I was very obese, I got myself that way. Recently I have lost a lot of weight. I just stopped eating so much. No fucking genius here kids. No worship, no brains at all. I just ate less. I can not help you, I have no answers and next time I read this crap I think it is time to do this alone. That was the premise in the first place. Mrs. Happy Pants, we are putting Phase 4 on hold right now, and that is fine with me. Tell your husband not to stress any more.
     Back to "OK, let's be honest's" blog. This is today's post from her blog.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 cookies = weight gain
Yep. Ate a lot of sweets this week. Had a gain of 2.25 pounds last night at weigh-in. With so much holiday stuff (parties,general sweets roaming the area)...6 of our 8 members had a gain. But I have slapped myself silly and told myself to straighten up! I have a plan to survive all the goodies of this week: Allow myself ONE sweet per day. Also, because cookies have been my weakness lately, I commit to NO cookies until I reach 290. Then I give myself permission to get a tube of my favorite cookie dough and eat cookies without guilt....just for that one day.

How great was that post. 300 pounds plus now, gained some weight this week, and when she gets to being a little less obese, we are going to eat a tube of cookie dough !!! Remember, at this size it takes an 4900 calories per day, 7 days a week, to gain 2.25 pounds in a week. That is a lot of food on a diet. Why are we having one sweet per day ? How about none.

Friday, December 10, 2010
Ya know, as of last weigh-in, I am 109 pounds from goal. And I plan to reach goal by the end of 2011 so I can become the TOPS queen and attend IRD in California the summer of 2012. By golly. BY GOLLY! eerrr... I'M GOING TO DO THIS>>YOU HEAR ME??? (don't be offended by the yelling, I'm only yelling at MYSELF) One year sounds like a long time. It's not. I am going to have to tighten up even more. If I don't, I won't reach my goal and BY GOLLY (don't get started again, Amy).... Anyway, I'm going to. I AM DOING THIS

     She is going to tighten up now, I guess the cookie dough is a Woopsie. There is so much more, so much bad information that I am frightened. 109 pounds in the year, with a treat a day, and a tube of crap as a reward. There are 100's of these. Great people I am sure, that have no clue as to how to get healthy. She is a member of a group, called TOPS. Newsflash, if 6 of the 8 people in your diet group gain weight in a week, get your money back and run away from the group. It takes a big effort to gain weight while on a diet at 300 pounds.
     I am not being mean here kids, I am pointing out how silly the idea of rewarding yourself with food is, at any size. The worst part, the excitement in her writing about getting a tube of dough. That is so sad. I might stick around the blogs just for the comedy. Phase 4, not so much right now. I am sorting out things.

DAY 220, TUESDAY, DEC 21, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-21T13:10:00.000-05:00

Seriously, how freaking cute are Stanley and Lola.

Not the brightest dogs in the world, but so cute. Stanley is anxiously awaiting the day when he loses his testicles. Lola is hoping they are snipped as well for other reasons. Right after the New Year is the plan. He is nervous, but I will be there for him. I had some Tilapia for lunch, with about 20 grains of rice. Maybe 2 tablespoons of it, to make the plate look less drab. I do not think I tasted it, but it was there. I had 17 of them, as three were left. Slow here, as the holidays settle in and people stop eating lunch and stop catering parties until next year.

The theme around these parts seems to be fallen bloggers. I read two posts so far about the people that disappeared while blogging and dieting. Yeah, I referenced the vanishing people in the morning, but that is nothing compared to the onslaught of newbies that will appear on the first of the year. New computers, new hopes and dreams, and new resolutions to get in shape. This is the year they will say. When a 50 year old tells you that the new lap top is the key to weight loss, run away from that blog. They won't be around for long. I am not saying that I am a mind reader, and I wish everyone success on their plans. Their are some truths to the concept that failure in dieting is rampant. The computer is part of the success if used correctly. There is more to it than justing telling the world that you are on a diet.

The real question is how to beat the failure rate. My way, a way that you all abhor and say is rash and impossible, is to abstain from that which will kill me altogether. No cookies, not one, not a taste. I treat fat as a disease. My hope for the new year is that those of you that are obese, really fat or just want to lose a third of yourselves try something radical. I have said a thousand times, to deaf ears, that if your doctor told you to eat no sugar and no flour and no meat or you will die, you will find a way to be happy, feel full and live long. Try it, it is not all that hard after you get used to it. It will do you good. As for my way or the highway, there are plenty of ways to successfully lose weight. I love them all. By January 1st of 2011, in 10 days, I will have lost 160 pounds in 230 days. Radical, fast, healthy, so awesome. I swear to all that is holy that anyone can do this if they are focused and have a commitment to live. Peas !!!

DAY 220, TUESDAY, DEC 21, 2010

2010-12-21T09:24:00.000-05:00

     I am off all of next week, until the 3rd of January. I have time to refocus my efforts, spend more time in the gym than the almost nothing I am currently doing, and time to get Phase 4 all set for everyone to enjoy. I had some crappy Italian food last night, and some eggs on a plate this morning. Lots of water, and a new day. So cold, and with a lot less cushioning all over, chills. The house also has both hot spots and cold spots from drafts. A little nasal this morning, and I feel lighter.
     So many of you that write blogs that I read are talking about cookies, and pies and holiday feasts. I read a few posts about skipping the diets for the holiday, or eating as you want for the day because life has its ups and downs. You have to live is the motto. This is the theme and the recurring nightmare that I am reading all over the place. To me, it is humorous, and I swear that someone put you guys up to writing this crap. It reeks of the 19 pound gain for the week from having a hot dog in so many ways. If nothing else, why are you writing about pre-meditated cheating on your life style plans. The best ones, those that are changing their lives by eating anything they want in moderation are the funniest. Let me clue you all in on some secrets to dieting and getting healthy.
     Let the snark fest begin. The Blog title was 440 to 220. They made it all the way to 420, and then not so much. Commitment phobia. Why bother with the graphics, the time, the effort. 1/2 of 360 made it to 300, and then off the blog planet. Not so much half of 360 is that. I think 1/2 of 360 is 180. I assume that to lose almost 200 pounds, half your size, you need to do something other than type. Others are more descriptive in titles. Potato lady went from 291 to 292 in 8 weeks. Not the right direction, and an honest effort. Potatoes, especially the fried ones, not so much. There are 1000's more. There are great stories as well. There is one big ass difference in those that succeed and those that don't. Even my old Teddy Bear friend that goes up and down the scale like the Dow Jones Average is a member of the group that has "it". That is a compliment, even in the South. The "it" is always going to be commitment . I have said it 1000 times, and I say it to me and for me every single day. Whatever happens, however you go forward, being committed to getting lighter and healthier is the key. Eat lo-carb, eat lo-cal, join Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, even get a Lap Band. It is personal choice and not my call. Your focus and commitment in the end are the only tools that you need and can not succeed without. The rest will fall into place. In our next challenge, the unfocused and the commitment phobic are not invited. If they sneak in, they will be weeded out. This is not a mean thing, or arrogant. None of the focused people have time for those that do not have the respect for themselves and this forum to stay the course.
     Cookies and cakes for the holidays are not your Everest. Your mindset is. Obese people, very fat people, and those that can not get healthy are not stupid. We lack focus. We can justify anything. I have written that I can justify a sheet pan of chocolate chip cookies better than anyone. My ability to justify will never cease. I have been working a plan for 220 days. Not once on a weekday did I pass a rack of warm and gooey cookies and not figure out how to get them in my belly without pain. 24 cookies on a tray, 121 calories per cookie, 2,904 calories in the entire sheet tray. If I am losing 2-3 pounds per week, a dozen in the morning, with some milk will not hurt. The aroma, the mush of the fresh dough, so many chocolate chips, each little soldier lined up to fill my cold belly with warm gooey deliciouness. Of course, why not mix in some Oatmeal raisin or some Vanilla with Macadamia Nuts. The Chocolate ones, with the white chocolate chunks are mushy also, and the Ginger Snaps for the holidays are right out of the oven. No one is watching me, I could suck them down, enjoy each savory bite, and fix it tomorrow. So what, I won't lose 2 pounds this week, only one. I have been fat for 552 months, who the fuck cares if it is for another. Ya feel me, we all need cookies !!!
     552 months of being fat, chunky, lard ass, Big Al, pig. You all know the drill. I have almost no chance at having 552 months of being healthy. If I have 360 more months left on the planet, that would be a good life. At best I will not be healthy and thin for another 6 months. That means if I can maintain the goal weight until I leave the mortal coil, the epitaph would read 558 fat or obese, 354 healthy and thinner. 67% of my life as a fat ass, 33% healthy. Eat a cookie, take your time, no rush. Do your own math, then take your time. For me, I have been fat long enough to stay focused and pass on the cookie....

DAY 219, MONDAY, DEC 20, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-20T10:57:00.001-05:00

Wow, no one really likes Crabby Al as the comments are almost nothing for the morning post. Oh well, that is the way it is. 8 of the Challengers are super stars, and as is my prerogative, I have made their award for the first two weeks of the challenge.

The winners have been notified and the awards have been emailed to them. They are focused. I am sure they slip a lot. I have kicked one of them in the ass so many times my foot hurts (Yeah Tammy K, you can take a licking). One of them is so afraid, she changed her name (Claire, my ass). One of them refuses to give her name at all and calls herself Pokey's friend. The others, well they have been rewarded before.

A better life, better health, respect from the people that have snickered at us in the past, and a happier life. I can not help you. Your spouses can not help you. No one could help me for 46 years. I help me, and now with assistance from the Mrs. and you guys, I continue. It is hard. I was well behaved all week, messed up a little twice, and I mean extra healthy crap nothing off the wall, and I only lost 3/4's of a pound this week. This is tough stuff, and without 100% commitment it is a waste of time. These 8, they should be committed. I had to go there...

I had one of those Amy's Enchilada things for dinner last night as my eating partner was under the weather. It tasted great, it was gone in a flash, and I awoke very hungry. Eggs this morning on a hollowed out and toasted everything bagel. Very tasty, still full at 11:00. Lunch is some salmon I think. Water everywhere, and some coffee today instead of soda. I am a little chilly, from loss of size. A good thing..

DAY 219, MONDAY, DEC 20, 2010

2010-12-20T07:43:00.001-05:00

The results are in. 65 Challengers emailed in their numbers, and the total to date is 315 pounds of fat is gone. Almost 5 pounds per person in 12 days is incredible. I am very proud of everyone, and I mean all of us. This takes a lot of effort, commitment and desire. The holidays suck for weight loss. So what !!

This is still not a contest. Yes, I want everyone to succeed and to see how great it is to lose weight over the holidays and when it is not a holiday. I also want everyone in the challenge to see the light at the end of the tunnel like I have. Like anything else, if you can enjoy the 1200 calories, and live well on the plan, you will succeed and lose weight. There are 11 days left in this Phase, and the results so far are for only 12 days on a plan. Phase 4 is longer, more intensive, and there are some new twists that I am adding. A lot of effort goes into this. A lot of time is spent by people that you guys will never meet in getting this to work for the group. A few of you, there were more than 3, emailed that you thought it was best to drop out because you had not lost weight or gained some. I explained that the point of this is not to amass great numbers, it is to learn something. Nobody has been asked to leave in Phase 1, 2 or 3. I hope we are all trying our best, whatever that "best" is. In time, this plan of 1200 calories per day or calories at your goal weight, with the proper hydration and soon the added exercise has to work. You can not beat the math and science. The new big rule changes for Phase 4 are a way to keep everyone focused. If you email to me that you want out, then you are out. If you have dropped out of Phase 2 or 3 for any reason, you will not be in Phase 4. If you have any doubts at all about committing to a serious plan, take a pass and join a different Challenge, or play along with your own plans. No hard feeling please, this is serious stuff to some of us, not a meet and greet place to vent your lifes frustrations. Do not stop venting if that makes you happy, I vent as well. I also am committed to weight loss. If you fail to send in the weigh in's at the weekly times set forth, you are out. If you have no computer, you forgot, you are camping, your dog ate the chord, whatever the story is, you are out. Figure out what to do. Weigh in's are for you, not for me. Send me something before the Sunday deadline every week. If you do not lose any weight for 3 weeks in a row in Phase 4 I will suggest that you bow out so you do not harm your self esteem. I have been assured from the medical staff that if you do not succeed in 21 days on the new plan, then you are not following the plan. This is not going to be a Challenge that you glide through. I have 120 entrants that want to play so far, and I want to make sure that we all take advantage of what we are offered. If you are serious, you will have a great time and Spring will be awesome. If you are testing the waters, this is not for you this time. Look at the list on the left. Anyone can tell who is following the plan and who is playing along and dicking around. Even a l pound loss tells me you are at least interested. It is only 12 days, I do not expect miracles, but I do expect a commitment and some respect to the effort. I am not pointing anyone out, and you will not lose a gajillion pounds in 280 hours of dieting. Emailing me your weight today is not respectful. Emailing it at 9 PM last night is borderline, and we should not do that anymore. I am not being a hard ass, I would like us all to benefit, and that means we all have to follow a couple of silly rules. The next Phase, as it is a long Contest, will have prizes. You all seem to need motivation above and beyond getting healthy to stay motivated. The prizes will be based on percentages of weight lost, not on total amounts. Light weights will not be at a disadvantage, and we will need scale pictures as we get closer to the prizes. As for the prizes, I have donations from Jet Blue in return for some advertising they want from the 10,000 people that I amuse every day, there is some Nike stuff that our guest is supplying that is autographed and very nifty, two fancy Coffee machines from Keurig as they read about my interest in the machines, and one grand prize that I also want that involves 2 bicycles. I am ironing all of that out this week. With all that in mind, there will be rules to follow. No more Mr. Nice Guy... Ya feel me.

Enter Phase 4 via email, and keep in mind,

This time, it's for keeps.

DAY 218, SUNDAY, DEC 19, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-19T15:45:00.003-05:00

A little update photo on the two younger children in the house.

STANLEY AND LOLA KLEIN

8 MONTHS AND 17 MONTHS

PEAGLES, DIFFERENT PARENTS

With 67 current participants in Phase 3 of the SSDDDC, I would be thrilled with any total loss over 135 pounds in a week. Over 2 pounds per person is great, consistent, safe and awesome. So far the results are trickling in for the end of the second week, actually 12 days of weight loss. With 12 days of this Phase down, 270 pounds combined would be as awesome. That said, the running total for the group right now, with 25% of the entrants yet to report is over 300 pounds combined. With two weeks left we will be very close to my goal of 750 pounds removed by the group.

While this is not a contest, the numbers are fun and definitive proof that if you follow the plans of a healthy and hydrated low calorie diet, you will eventually reach your weight loss goals. That is great to me.

Obviously I chose not to go to my parents home for their get together. The drama that I feel or that is in my head is not part of the party today. The homecoming is for my little sister and her baby, not my problems with the rest of them. I will try to get to see them soon. As far as the family unit they have established, I am still not sure why Sue and I are invited at all. If we are not welcome with the entire family for Thanksgiving, and it is okay with everyone that we are excluded, then surely they must all know that this will be the norm from here on in. We are either welcome at every event, as everyone has always been welcome in our home, or we will never attend any of my father's family events. A shame, but they seem to get by without us very well. Their loss, our loss, and life goes on.

Tomorrow I will post the results from the Challenge. If some of the challengers do not weigh in, I will assume they bowed out. That is fine, weight loss is not for everyone. I respect heavy people that enjoy their size. It is not my place to offer anyone help that does not want it. That is fine. Phase 4 is shaping up to be a doozy. As a little heads up, there will be three food options. Eating at your goal weight, eating at 1200 calories per day, or for those that have been in any of the three prior challenges, a customized meal plan, based on your success or lack of success over the first 3 Phases. Data interpretation with custom plans for all that have been around for a while. That plus exercise plans based on weight, level of current exercise, and ease to get to some equipment. There will be questions, and I want everyone to get checked medically before you start walking and dancing with us please. Exercise, if done too fast etc. can kill you. Please plan now to get the green light to do some simple stuff..

DAY 218, SUNDAY, DEC 19, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-19T09:26:00.003-05:00

An update for me. Took these pictures in the gym this morning.

Yeah, I know, I need new clothes. Right now the financial focus is on gifts, a party on New Year's Day, and of course the car. Don't sell raffle tickets for me, all is fine, I just spend money on more important things than my clothes. I do look thinner, and feel great. As for following the Challenge, or if you want to follow my diet, don't do it !! It does not work, you will not lose weight, and it is impossible.. Alright, a new tactic to get folks on board.

The Jacket is freakishly large, but it keeps me warm. Soon, something new, maybe after Christmas when the big sales click in. I am off to PC Richards now to see about a refund. Hey, crazier things have happened.

At store. Got a refund in 30 seconds. !! Awesome !! They were fantastic...

DAY 218, SUNDAY, DEC 19, 2010

2010-12-19T06:38:00.001-05:00

   It's calm, cold, and freaking early on a Sunday. Gym at 7:00, so we are up early. A little laundry for Sue, the dogs and I hanging, walking and talking. I am looking forward to the weigh-in's this morning. As we finish 12 days and enter the 13th, significant weight loss and body changes will occur to those that follow either plan that we are following. For those that entered the Challenge and have made no commitment to the plans, not so much success for them. I have learned to appreciate the camaraderie of the Challenges, both mine and the ones I have joined. I also appreciate the "sanctity" of them. If someone is going to the trouble of doing anything at all to help us, they should be respected with our 100% efforts. Ya feel me. That is enough said I think.
   We went to Jimmy Hayes for dinner last night. Sue had a Rib Eye over a potato cake with Spinach. I finally had my Lobster Jimmy. It was awesome, there was a little butter floating around and 2 of the 2" onion rolls, no extra butter, that were on the table before dinner never made it home safely to their family of bread. It tasted great, it went down well, it stayed there, and I was happy and full. I was full when I got home, relieved the pressure in the belly, and then slept like a baby. This morning, after peeing 3 times over night, I relieved the pressure again, all smooth and pretty still. With an empty belly now, I am ready to fill it up a little.
   The TV we finally ordered for delivery on Friday, Christmas Eve was priced fantastically. On Friday the 17th the store advertised the same TV for $150 less. At 10:30 I will be back in the store to see about getting some money back. I figure it is a no-brainer in my favor, but we shall see. It would be a very nice thing. On that subject I got the car washed yesterday after having the screw removed and capped in the tire. Texas Car Wash in Oceanside is now my least favorite place to go. The gentleman takes the car at the entrance and I ask for the In and Out service. Simple, vacuum and clean inside, wash the outside and hand dry at the end. The usual, and the least expensive option on the menu at $11.50. The car appreciates it, and with the changing winter weather, a weekly or bi-weekly investment that makes sense. The sales guy that takes the car and asks the same question always. "Armor All the tires ?" At $3.00 additional, shiny tires I do not need ever. I say thank you, that is silly.
   The dude hands me a receipt for the usual I think, and I take it to pay inside as the car goes through. As the car comes out I pay the cashier with a $20 bill as she says, $18.00 please. I look at the receipt and it has an additional $3.00 for the tires. I explain that I said no, and she tells me it is too late, the car is coming out with the added service. I lose my mind a little. I will pay $20 for a beer in a bar, I will buy your groceries for you if you forget your wallet, and I will feed every bum in Manhattan without a second thought, but this $3 made me crazy. I go outside, as yelling at the cashier is fruitless and find the manager. I lose my mind again, explaining that I am not only there weekly, get the car detailed there annually, and have many friends that I recommend the service to, but I did not ask for this service. He looks at me and tells me it is too late, the service is on. I tell him again that I did not ask for it, and how dare he force this on me. I explain that at $11 per weekly wash, $150 per annual detail and whatever other crap I buy in the store while waiting for the car amounts to almost $1000 per year in his shop. I then explain that the 5 people that I know well that will never return on my complaint to them also, amounts to over $5000 of business that will be lost annually because of the $3. He has no answer, says there is nothing he can do, and I leave. Dumb ass. Customer service, above all else is so important. My sandwiches might suck some days, but we will service your account at all costs. Whatever happened to that ?
   Time to jet, get me those weights please today.

DAY 217, SATURDAY,DEC 18, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-18T15:30:00.000-05:00

After getting the nail out of the tire, as visiting the service station is now a weekly thing with the car, I picked up Sue and we were off on our daily adventures. We got to Roslyn for Sue's hair appointment at Ambiance.

I dropped her off and was on my merry way to pick up one of her Christmas presents. I got to the store,

You could not imagine in this economy the amount of people in the store at 11:00. Granted it is the week before Christmas, but this is upscale shopping at its pinnacle. I walked in and was greeted by this woman,

There she is, ringing up a sale, ignoring me a little, and assisting a woman at the counter. Keep in mind that the key chains in the store are over $150. The customers are waiting in line to drop some large dollars on some things that I will never need. I did take a nice picture before I was asked to stop with the camera.

At that point I needed to take another one, explaining to the security guard that as a valuable customer, the last thing he wanted to do was to lose his cushy job in Manhasset, and get bitch slapped by me in the morning.

The guard did say please, so I complied. I spent some money, and I hope the bank understands that there might be a need for some infusion into my accounts soon. This store is merciless on the wallet. I left, went over to the local deli for a soda, and ran into the owner. We talked about my late friend, and another high school acquaintence showed up. We chatted some more, and I realized there was no escaping my sadness in my old neighborhood. I left the deli and went to the beauty salon and waited for Sue. As luck would have it, another high school friend was there with his 12 year old son, getting a hair cut. More remembering, more sadness, and Sue was all done. Hair colored and cut, gifts in the car, just enough money left for gas in my wallet, and we were on the way home.

Lots of liquids, coffee, soda and water. We got home safely, and the back ordered coffee from Coffee Wiz was in the house. I guess the dog walker brought it in. Kona for Keurig, and soon I will test it out. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and if everyone behaved, the numbers should be kicking.

DAY 217, SATURDAY, DEC 18, 2010

2010-12-18T04:40:00.001-05:00

     There was a private party in the back of the Beach House, and the Reggae dude in the front was so loud that we decided not to dine there. The manager was very crazy chasing us down when we left before seating. I explained that I am deaf in the right ear, a massive head injury when I was 17 and in a car accident, and that I heard nothing at all when loud music played. He almost understood and we walked across the street to eat at SwingBelly's. Sue had St. Louis BBQ ribs, Mac and Cheese and Cornbread. I ordered the new menu item of Seared Yellowfin Tuna with their spicy dry BBQ rub over a bed of greens with a balsamic/honey light glaze. The food was awesome. We had stayed out for a few months because of the diet, and because the ribs had sucked for Sue last time. We had a great meal, got home early, and were snoring by 9. My internal clock could care less that it is Saturday morning, so I am up at 4 as usual, but with nothing to do except type.
     Ann, a fabulous lady and soon to be svelte Goddess, summed up everything to me in an email. I realized that she got it, while even I could not get it out completely. The assembly of the family on Sunday is about my little sister and her son Gus. My drama does not belong there, and we will see the child on another day, away from the craziness that is my siblings. Thanks for the input, but in the end that is what I thought all along, and could not express. In a perfect world we would all be together like the Waltons, but this aint not TV show kids.
     While I appreciate emails and great questions, we need to all remember that I am not a Doctor. I follow great advice from professionals, but I know nothing except that which I have learned. If you are puffy from salt or the water, or your diet, I have no clue as to why, so call your physician. Even if 10 people told me why they are puffy, telling you their situation does not preclude your need to get professional help that is aimed at your exact situation. Ya feel me. Thanks, and I love the email, I just can't tell you what I do not know. Don't bother Dr. Fatty either. We already know that she Christmas shops at a Pharmacy, so her opinions are tainted at best. Think of the irony of the physician getting Christmas gifts at Walgreens. Think about the Plumber getting you a holiday treat from the Sewage Department. Oh, I could play all day with this, a psychiatrist's wet dream.
      Enjoy Saturday, and as you shop, drink some water !!

DAY 216, FRIDAY, DEC 17, 2010 PART 4

2010-12-17T17:21:00.001-05:00

JEW OUTREACH HOTLINE
JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

     The winner of the "What to do on Sunday" (if there was a contest) is Emma Bovary so far. The summation of her comment was "Use your time on earth to be with those who love you, not those whose goal is to fuck with you" That is an awesome thought, and an idea I can live with. Aside from the fact that I can not be in the same room as my older sister now, why do I want to hang out with people that have not had the decency to call me this week after reading Sunday about my friends passing. The freaking story was front page news, they knew all about it. They knew my relationship, and they took a pass ? You guys stepped up and sent awesome well wishes. Friends from High School that I had not seen in 20 years emailed and called expressing their grief. My parents, brothers, sisters, nothing. Actually, my father did call me on Sunday morning at 8:00 AM and left a voicemail that, "Your friend is dead." Awesome. An afternoon get together, I think Root Canal sounds more interesting to me.
     I went off the charts and instead of the Kibble and Chicken tonight, I just fed the kids some Kibble and Hamburgers. Hope they can keep it down until Sue and I get back from dinner. We are going to the Beach House of course, it's Friday night. Light meal tonight, just some Peel and Eat Shrimp and Iced Tea for me. A burger and fries for Sue. And some wine for her as well. Tomorrow is a day at Ambiance for the Sue, and I am going to Louis Vuitton in Manhasset for her and to the bank to get some gift cards for the folks on the list. Dinner tomorrow night is back to Jimmy Hays, to celebrate the Child's 20th birthday. Without her of course, but still, we can party and celebrate Sue's stretch marks.
     I hope my Challengers understand the new Badge and are excited to get their asses kicked into shape by a celebrity. I know I am, as we start a new Phase on the 2nd day of 2011. Never a bad time to start a plan. Start one today, and get a jump on the Holidays. Other wise, life and the diet goes forward. I mixed a Kerurig Wake Up Call coffee pod with a Jamaica Me Crazy pod, and had a big ass mug of scented coffee. Very tasty, although not something I need to have again soon. I like my coffee with no flavors.
     The party is Sunday, so I never know what will happen. Send more comments, who knows we might just go to make everyone else nervous.

DAY 216, FRIDAY, DEC 17, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-17T12:58:00.002-05:00

We are an opinionated group, are we not... Keep em coming... Just got off the phone and confirmed things for Phase 4, the final chapter again. This is the badge to post on your blogs. EMAIL me to enter. We have 40 or so peeps so far, and this one will close when we are full up. I promised some Exercise help, well now you have all run out of excuses. If you think I am evil, well my new BFF on the blog will kick your ass...This is not for those that are not very serious. It will get messy in 2011. I have a mission, so joining me would be awesome. Joining me and bullshitting your way through, not so much.. Think about it...

How do ya like me now !!

DAY 216, FRIDAY, DEC 17, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-17T11:36:00.002-05:00

   For the record, and for those new to the saga, there is an afternoon tete a tete at my father's home on Sunday. My sister is coming in from India with her husband and new son Gus. My brother is coming in from the city with his wife and his twins. My older sister is coming in from California to see all the kids, with her boyfriend and her friend from Long Island. My other brother from the Island will not be there. My step mother left a voice mail message on my cell phone and followed that with an email telling me about the event, and inviting Sue and I to attend.
   We would like to see Gus, and all babies that are not your own are fun when they are happy and not crying. My original answer was short and sweet. I thanked her for the invitation, and I told her to have fun with the babies all together. So, yes, we were invited, and no, I am not going. I did add that as my sister with the baby will be around for two weeks, we would make plans with her to see the new nephew. Otherwise, getting me in a room with my older sister and my younger brother will not be healthy for me. I have issues, and that is that. My wife said we should go, just to bug them out and see them squirm, waiting for shit to flow out of my mouth. You should now I am calm and well behaved on the internet. In real life, I am known to not travel with a mouth filter. Can ya believe that ?
   I also proposed a settlement deal to my wife, as she wants to see the baby. I said we get there, leave on our coats, see the baby, say hi to my parents, and walk right out. My feeling is that I am ignored by my some siblings, I can ignore them in person. Think about that. We walk in with coats on, say hi to my parents, make a bee line to the new baby, give the baby a squeeze, turn and leave. 3 minutes tops. I am not sure that Sue would be able to follow that plan as I would. In the end, we are taking a pass and will see the newest member of the family next week or so. I just wanted it understood that we were invited.
   I have had 4 bottles of Aquafina water. They are 20 ounces large. I also had two cans of Diet Pepsi and 2 cups of coffee. Lots of fluid, eggs for breakfast, and at 11:30 AM I am freaking starving. Stomach growling, lips dry hungry. I am having a piece of Salmon for lunch. Most likely I am getting up in a minute or two to have it. Enjoy the Friday, and comment away. If enough of you think I should go on Sunday, and it will be snowing, I still won't go. I do love reading the comments...
And for the record, your thoughts and prayers and well wishes upon my friend's passing were very helpful to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And my family, I guess they didn't have the time to call or email. Oh well..

DAY 216, FRIDAY, DEC 17, 2010

2010-12-17T07:51:00.002-05:00

The land of weight loss blogging is all atwitter with sadness, bloat, weight gains and tragedy. A hang nail my friends is not a tragedy. It snows everywhere, it is winter, that is not a tragedy. For the record, and for easy reference, these are tragedies. If any of them should fall upon your house, feel free to crack open the Oreo's, the holiday red creme ones are kicking, and knock your socks off.

Alright, the fourth one is a tragedy in the making, but you should get my drift. These are tragic, and although I advocate eating nothing out of sorrow, if an Earthquake, a terrorist attack or a massive Hurricane comes to your door, eat everything. I am not any better than everyone else. There are events in my life that suck, just like yours. I get that there are big freaking problems out there, and I sympathize more than most. I would love to help the world, feed the world, and learn from everyone. That is my Utopian vision. Along the way, shit happens. A friend watched three of her friends get buried this week. I watched a close friend get slandered and buried. I have an online friend that deals every day with a mental disorder that would have killed most of us. Another online friend has a child that in the best case will be on a lifetime of medicine to stay "normal". We are also all fat around here, and that is a minor tragedy. There are things that are more important than those that are bothering us. We need a little perspective people.

Not one of the tragedies that we have is a reason to eat. Food is not all that comforting, and when you lose weight, trust me you will find this out. I have started to. I was a little sad at the wife's office party. My friends' passing, my wife's family acting poorly to us, my family problems, the world's problems, all rolled into one, and then the Spaghetti with White Clam Sauce came. The waiter plopped a bowl of it in front of me as I was peeing while service of the pasta course started. Fluids all the time, just like you, means peeing all the time, just like you. I looked at the spaghetti and I picked out a few fresh and garlicky clams. I rolled two strands of the pasta on my fork, speared another piece of the clam, and put it in my mouth. I chewed, enjoyed it, swallowed it and thought about things again. Guess what, the spaghetti did nothing for my mood. My wife made me smile, her boss was fun to talk to, and one of the men she works with, the bosses son in law was actually animated and entertaining. The food didn't help, the people did. Inadvertently, they had no idea I was down, but in the end, people over pasta won out.

A few of you are alone. Those are the hardest blogs to read, and my heart aches. Life is not as easy as a song. Never Alone, a little Lady Antebellum catchy tune was on my BlackBerry in my head this morning. Well, sometimes you are alone in life. How you deal with that is key. Food won't help, and alcohol is not that great either. Short of getting some friends there is not much to do. I will offer my EMAIL address. Email me before you want to eat. A little motivation from Al will stop the madness. Let's call it Jew Outreach over the holidays. I'll be there...I do not have all the answers, nor would I want to. I can assure you that eating crap will do nothing, it will not comfort you, and in the end it will depress you even more. Drink more water, it will give you something to do. Drink, pee, drink, it is at worst case, entertaining.

I WROTE THIS BEFORE, just realized that I still think there are more important things !!!

DAY 215, THURSDAY, DEC 16, 2010 PART 4

2010-12-16T19:40:00.000-05:00

      Dinner was some wonton soup, no wontons and crunchy crushed up noodles, just to make sure it wasn't healthy. I had about 1/4 cup of white rice mixed in as well. I then had a bag of cut up apples, and an Eskimo Pie Sugar Free Ice Cream Bar is in my future. Fun time at Lar Parma last night in Port Washington. One of the owners in the 5 restaurant chain, a gentleman named Tony who runs the flagship restaurant in Williston Park, about 20 minutes away is an old friend of Sue and I. The manager of the restaurant last night looked familiar. I thought about it for a while, and I introduced myself to Gerald.
     When Sue and I had our wedding reception 13 years ago at La Parma in Williston Park, the one restaurant in the as yet built restaurant chain had just been updated the week before. Our party was the first one in the expanded and beautified restaurant. In the middle of the event, Tony's son and daughter were there to see the renovations. The kids were 8 and 10 respectively, and they looked around and we were introduced. Tony, a Sicilian, had married a Filipino woman, and the kids were adorable mixes of the two. The little boy talked with me for a few minutes, I got him a soda, and he explained that one day he wanted to be in the business with Dad. 13 years later, well dressed and running one of his father's restaurants, Gerald was shocked that I knew who he was, remembered the day well, and was happy that we were still customers of his family's restaurants.
     As for the event, I had water, more water, too many diet cokes, and some food. Sue's boss ordered family style for the 13 people there. He started with two salads, some mozzarella and tomatoes, and some Seafood salad. Next came the hot appetizers, with baked clams, fried zuchinni and some fried Calamare. After that 3 types of pasta showed up, followed by a bunch of entrees and side dishes. I remember eating 1 baked clam, a lot of salad, some seafood salad, a piece of mozzarella and tomato, and a 2 inch square of eggplant. I wanted a little of everything, but I had more than enough to get a feel for everything that I was allowed to eat. There were great comments that I looked fantastic, and a lot of questions as to how I did it. It was fun, and we got home at midnight. I of course got up at 4:15 AM this morning with Sue, and I am a little tired now at 7:35 PM.
     The scary Office party down, no cheating, but man I have pooped three times today. Obviously the new things that my body was not used to, even in very small amounts was released from my body. All good now, and I feel lighter. Saturday we are going to Sue's favorite beauty salon in Roslyn for her to get some hair work. I will do some shopping while the 3 hours of love takes place. Gift cards for the people that need to be taken care of I guess. Water time, both in and out.

DAY 215, THURSDAY, DEC 16, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-16T13:25:00.000-05:00

As a fat Jew, Christmas is not a great holiday for me. Yeah, we have a Christmas bush from BJ's Wholesale, and we bought some nifty crap that will arrive the day before Baby Jesus shows up all over the place, but it is not the same. I read a lot of posts and you are all making your ornaments and decorations and cookies. You are cleaning the fireplace for Santa to come down, and polishing up the recipe lists for that festive meal, before the basketball game on TV, or the Vegas Bowl. My banded friend Sandy Lee is actually sharpening the rod for the spit that spins in the fireplace with the sacrificial Jew. ( I am sorry she was mean to me on a few blogs) All good, but I never really felt that this was my holiday. That makes sense of course, with the whole Jesus thing not being in my religion of choice. Now I am not growing back the foreskin or anything drastic, but I need a little Christmas, right this very minute.
The best thing we Jews do, other than guilt, is we like to gift. As there are too many of you to send anything of real meaning to, I am left with two options. Celebrating the holidays in today's economically depressed landscape, for so many of us, the outlook may be somewhat compromised from what it may have been even in recent years. In an effort to do my part, I want to pass along a "holiday hint" that may help make the season a little brighter? Instead of giving gifts that are primarily material, we may have to consider the possibility of giving more of ourselves personally. I hope that this might come in handy as we try to observe this holiday season.

Hugs, definitely qualify as a Christmas gift and are a warm, heartfelt, and a emotionally moving experience..Wrapping one is not advised.

I speak from experience, as I tried to wrap a hug once, the tape wouldn't stick, and the person to whom I had paid good money, and whom also by the way, had agreed to terms, kept insisting that they couldn't breathe ... and kept fainting. They wouldn't stand still, or they kept insisting I give them something to eat, which is so annoying after just 2 or 3 days, under the tree. This often ruined a potentially romantic moment, more than once. Not to mention how so upsetting it was, for the person to whom I gave the gift ... to realize or to discover that their gift, of all things had to use the bathroom. Sue said it was a little hard for her to get used to. I said I totally understood what she meant, and I'm sure she felt better once I explained, apparently the gift had a weak bladder? But now in retrospect I think, ... and I could be wrong, but I think along with the bathroom issue, the absolute worst was the fact that the gift kept leaving the seat up,... everytime!!!! Talk about being inconsiderate. But I'm sure all of you out there know how it is, apparently even at Christmas, some people can only think of themselves. Even when it's Christmas, for goodness sakes!!!!!

So I offer to my Challenge friends, those peeps that I converse with, or at least at, on a daily basis the gift of HOPE. With hope comes a spreadsheet. As Phase 3 will end on New Years Eve, and I know we will all follow the rules perfectly (wink), the chart shows what we have left in fat to get to our goals. The odd thing, as it is in size order, the largest amount of weight left is SMALLER than the amount that I will have taken off completely by mid April. For those that have no hope, that feel an insurmountable pressure from the fat, and can not see the forest through the trees (I have more metaphors if ya like), keep in mind my favorite Allanism.

IF I CAN DO THIS, SO CAN YOU !!!

On January 1, 2011, in a little over 2 weeks, Tammy J will only have 40 pounds left to get to her goal. Jane will need to shed a simple 56 more to be a star. Phil, across the pond, has only 73 pounds left to go to be svelte. And Dr. Fatty, who for some reason shops for gifts at Walgreens of all places, you will be at your goal after shedding the final 64 pounds. Starting on January 1, after behaving over the holidays, my peeps have a mission. The mission is easy, as we all can see what is going on. Even Mrs Happy Pants can not be mad that she needs to only lose 18 pounds starting on the first to get to her goal.

The gift to my friends is HOPE. We have the tools, and we are motivated. I will be at my goal in April. My peeps will be with me...

Still room in PHASE 4, to get your name on the list, to get yourself some hope, and to have the peeps watch your back. We be in this together !!!

I did read one blog post that made me smile. HELEN has a blog that I lurk. I don't think I have ever commented on her spot, and I am sure I am not relevant in her life. First, it is an uplifting story, and it gave me some goose bumps. Then I realized it was cold in the office, and the goose bumps were a reaction to being lighter. While the spirit of the season is awesome, and the story is great to read and feel great about, it also reminded me that not everyone lives in NYC with me. What I consider a way of life, I guess is not the same all over the place. Lessons learned...

PEAS, not OREOS !!!!

DAY 215, THURSDAY, DEC 16, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-16T11:06:00.001-05:00

In going over the past blog posts, I am breaking in a new chair and reading a lot of old stuff for motivation, I found out that the most comments and emails combined from a post was this one in August. This is it and let's see if 5 months later if anything is different. I read it and I like it.

What is with the concept of "followers" and the need for fatties to think this matters? I could care less who follows me. I follow people I like to read about as a bookmark, so new entries pop up for me to read. I also follow a few idiots, in the hopes that they create fodder for me. I follow some people I care about, and I am anxious to read their stuff. I understand that the obese are never the most popular, and that some of you find that the attention in "followers" appeals to your visceral need to be accepted. "F" that kids. I gain and lose people every day, in exactly the same manner that I drink and pee. All the time, and whenever it happens, it just does. I also gain and lose human friends every day in the same manner. We all do. They come, and they go, shit happens. I could care less as to how many, and please do not judge people's blogs by their bretheren and following. Again, this is not the Klan, it is not a contest, and we are trying to support each other to lose some weight. Some of the blogs with the most followers are the biggest self involved assholes out there. You know who they are. Remember this when you are online please; Your family counts, your real life friends count, and the people you befriend on here that you email with on the side count. Some of the followers that comment should also count, as their opinions matter. Do not concern yourself with the actual count in quantity, only in the quality of these people.

On the same note, please keep some perspective out there. If you weigh 400 or 500 pounds, and manage to knock off 100 or even 200 pounds you are not any less of an asshole, just a lighter one. I lost some weight, big freaking deal. I have more to go, and I will continue, no matter who reads this. Losing weight did not make me smart. Gaining weight made me an idiot. I am less of an idiot, not smarter or more intelligent because I decided one day after breaking a chair that it would be a good thing to actually see my toes. Do not revere, emulate or in some cases, look up to anyone that has lost weight. It is nice to lose weight, it is the right thing to do, but it is not impossible. You can follow my diet or anyone's diet, but I did not invent this thing. Do not credit me with the ideas I follow. While I am on the subject, what is up with the lists people. Stop it, stop eating, move more, and stop taking all the notes. Lists and contests are making me crazy. I made a list for someone else out there, and I will give it to everyone now... Very simple for dieting...

1) Do not eat anything that will not help you reach your goal of getting healthier

2) See Item 1

That is the list, use it, post it, copy it, that should be the only list.

I also tried to explain water and the scale to someone else, so I will throw it out there for all y'all. I drink 8 bottles of water a day, at 17 ounces per bottle, or 136 ounces of water. I also drink Diet Pepsi, and anything else that has no calories that I damn well please. Water weighs 8 pounds per 128 ounces or so. Every day I put on at least 10 pounds of fluids, and expel that 10 pounds plus more. If you weigh yourself daily, and some of the water and fluids that you are supposed to be guzzling are in you, you will have a bigger number and less of a loss. Conversely, weighing yourself after not ingesting the right amount of fluids will give you a lower number. Stop obsessing about the scale all the time. If my shirts are big, and my pants are loose, I know this is working. The best road to weight loss, the safest as you all keep telling me is 2 - 3 pounds per week. Great. I guarantee that I am on that plan also now, but some days, for reasons I can not tell you, I go up and down in swings. Could be the water, muscle gain, who knows. Chillax and enjoy the diet. If we can all find joy in the loss and the process, we will all succeed

That was in August, and today, same story. Still fat, less so, still drinking water, still wondering what the fuck is up with the following crap. We are not in kindergarten, and if you post that "I got my 100th follower" you are way to insecure to read my crap. I would make you cry way too fast. Tomorrow is Friday, the weekend before the Holiday gorging by the fatties. Saddle of Veal, Rack of Lamb, Side of beef, all terms you should not think about this holiday. How about Harvest of Vegetables, and fruit of the vine. I like that, yeah,,,

DAY 215, THURSDAY, DEC 16, 2010

2010-12-16T08:38:00.000-05:00

“Food, please." she begged as the nurse attempted to adjust her head on the pillow. The tube in her nose made it uncomfortable to speak, but her need for food had long outweighed her comfort level. This was the largest woman the ICU had ever seen. She was so large that they needed to bring in a special reinforced bed that also transformed into a wheelchair. This removed the task of lifting her into a normal wheelchair when she needed to be taken downstairs for tests. Not that a normal wheelchair, nor many of the other machines, could accommodate her. The hospital's CAT scan was far too small for her to move through and an appointment had been scheduled at the city zoo to complete the necessary scan. Over the years it had become necessary to "upgrade" equipment to facilitate an ever-expanding population. She was nearly twice the size of even the largest patient Memorial had ever treated in its thirty-year history. "You're receiving food through the tube in your nose Mrs. Stein" said the ICU nurse in response. The mostly silent but active machines that huddled near her at the head of the bed were more like an audience. They watched her as she lay motionless in the large stainless steel bed, hanging on her every labored breath and heartbeat amongst other things. The Intensive Care Unit at Memorial was one of the finest in the country, with the caregivers to match. She had been moved here yesterday after her kidneys had failed during a simple procedure to remove a benign cyst that was pressing against her stomach. The surgery itself was an enormous undertaking as her size made it difficult just for the surgeons to access the cyst. At nearly six hundred and fifty pounds, all of her organs, aside from her skin, were extremely difficult to reach.

Breath in breath out, that was the extent of her activity up until those two words. The nurse changed the empty IV bag and left the room leaving her once again with nothing but herself and the machines for company. Several doctors had come through that afternoon to see her. They smiled and flipped through her chart, making some notes and asking questions she didn't need to answer. "Disgusting." one of them had mouthed discreetly as he left the room. She felt the feeding tube shift slightly in her nose to accommodate the smirk that arrived on her face. She wondered if any of them would attempt to restrain themselves if they knew of her lip-reading ability. It was a useful trick that she had picked up from her daughter. She remembered the kindness Cindy had for others and how she would avert her eyes from conversations that didn't concern her. Cindy had always thought of her hearing loss as more of a super power rather than a disability. Her ability to "see" a conversation from across a room was a talent she never abused for fear of "breaking and entering", as Cindy put it. She thought of the fever that had stolen her daughter's hearing at such an early age, and how that had never stopped Cindy from excelling in everything she did. She would have given her last meal to see Cindy standing in front of her right now, even though she knew Cindy would never believe what her perfect mother had done to herself.

She had seen three empty beds as they rolled her into ICU that morning. All of them had been within a glance of the nurse's station. Instead, they had placed her in a room at the far end, out of sight from the nurses as well as most of the visitors who shuffled in through the ICU on a daily basis. Each room had a sliding glass door so the nurses could see the patients, at least those they wanted to watch. She had prayed for one of those empty beds, just for the chance to read every unkind word they spoke about her. She needed those words, more than she needed air. Some of the nurses and doctors had been very kind to her, and she cursed them for it. Kindness was a luxury she had given up like a bad habit. She knew every derogative term by now, had heard every fat joke, and had laughed at every one of them. Children had become a special source of penance for her. Trying to hold the truth back from a child was like trying to stop a wave from crashing on the shore. Some pointed, some giggled, and some, left unattended by their parents, had even asked her how she had gotten so big. Cindy would never have done any of those terrible things at any age, it was not in her nature. Besides, her mother had filled her with far too much revulsion for her own self-image to point a finger at anyone else.

She could take no credit for the sweet nature of her daughter. That was her father's doing. For every diet pill and glamour magazine she had shoved down Cindy's throat, her father had counteracted it with a kiss and a kind word. She had not always been near 700 pound mass beached on a reinforced hospital bed. Once, like Cindy, she too had been a picture in a magazine. Her father had always felt Cindy was too thin. Many a late night Letterman show had been amplified to cover their arguments concerning her need to "emaciate Cindy" as he put it. It was his decision to put Cindy in the hospital for treatment. Even then she felt it was the wrong thing to do. After all, what did he know about the difficulties of being a girl in this day and age? It was she who had taught Cindy to cover the size on the tags of her clothes with her thumb as she entered the fitting rooms at Kohl’s. She had seen the looks the fitting room attendants gave women who took "larger" sizes into the stall, and she would not allow her daughter to suffer that same indignity. She thought about the night at the hospital when Cindy told her how they tried to force her to eat and the sympathy she had felt for her. If they were going to make her eat what was the harm in giving her a few pills to offset the effects of the food? If she had known what Cindy was really going to use them for, she never would have given them to her.

After the funeral, she was made to appear before a judge. The words of the judge had floated around the courtroom and settled in a lump on the table in front of her. The judge, apparently a mother herself, had showered both of them with compassion, useless, tasteless compassion. As the judge continued to ramble on she felt the knot in her stomach slowly twist into something entirely different, something unfamiliar. It was absolute starving hunger. A hunger for her daughter, a hunger for punishment, but more than anything, she felt a ravenous hunger for food. She left the courtroom and headed straight for the first McDonald’s she could find. By the time she got home, the passenger seat was littered with three empty bags and for the first time in her life, her pants were tight. She moved from the car to the kitchen and ventured into the refrigerator. She opened the half and half her husband used for his coffee and though most of it wound up on the front of her blouse, she finished the whole quart. She put all the meat and cheese on dry bread and ate that too, stopping only twice to vomit. She continued for as long as she could until she literally felt as if the seams of her stomach would rip open. For a moment, on that kitchen floor, she was sure she was going to expire. So, she stood up, walked to the bathroom, and purged herself just enough to release the pressure inside. It was not the fear of death that made her purge, but of a death too soon. The path was clear and her mind was set, all that was left now was to drain her bank account and find some place where no one would find her. She didn't suspect her soon to be ex-husband would waste more than a few random thoughts on her whereabouts and as for friends and family, well, they would move on like they always did.

"Mrs. Stein, we're going to take you downstairs for dialysis now. We'll have to detach your feeding tube, ok?" The nurse asked her as if she had any choice in the matter. "Food." she begged once more before they disconnected the tube from her nose. "I'm sorry Mrs. Stein the doctor isn't allowing you to have solid foods at this time. We'll reconnect that feeding tube just as soon as you're done with your dialysis." They detached the rest of her machines and began to morph her bed into a vehicle for the trip downstairs. They passed the nurses station and headed down the hall towards the freight elevator. As they waited for its arrival she caught the unmistakable odor of hamburger mixed with the plastic smell of the feeding tube in her nose. A young orderly passed by on his way to the break room carrying a grease-stained, McDonald's bag. She could tell he was making a concerted effort not to stare as he walked by. But as he continued down the hall, she saw him turn back to catch a glimpse. She met his eyes long enough to get what she wanted, and then felt a small trickle of saliva fall from her mouth onto her arm. She looked up just in time to read his lips before he turned back in the direction he was heading. The smirk returned once more to her face. As the doors to the elevator slid open, she closed her eyes and felt her hunger momentarily subside.

DAY 214, WEDNESDAY, DEC 15, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-15T17:08:00.000-05:00

     As part of the Challenge, I spice things up a bit, and send a mass email to each of the Challengers every morning. Sometimes it's a hello, how are ya thing. Sometimes it's a hint or a menu thing, or just something that I find inspiring to help me lose a little bit of Al. I pass it on, figuring it will work for my peeps. The other day I sent everyone the dates that they would hit their goals. Tomorrow they are getting a little surprise in the email, and I won't give it away. Since the numbers are personalized and very accurate, let me throw out an example of what we have learned.
     If you have been following along for a while, I prescribe to the 1200 calorie a day diet as a maximum. There are lower days, but I do not go over that. I advocate semi - perfection for the hard core Challenge participants. If you eat a piece of cake for 500 calories over the limit, you make it up the next day. In myself I expect perfection. My theory is tha I have cheated for 46 years, so now I am catching up on being diet behaved. That said some of the Challengers are on 1200 calories per day, and some are on their goal weight calories per day level. All good, and all losing weight. The glimpse I offer tomorrow is based on this example.
     If you weigh 300 pounds today, and decide to limit your calorie levels to reach a goal weight of 200 pounds, you will eat 2200 calories per day when you get there. The Challenge is to follow that lifestyle. Phase 3 gave the 300 pound Challengers a choice of 2200 calories per day or 1200 calories per day. The question is what is the difference ? Around the blogs, advocates scream for moderation and taking your time. If you know what the time is, then your decision is up to you. People like slow and steady, and we are not bashing them here. I do want my Challengers to see the difference in time. The 300 pound person on 2200 calories per day should reach their goal weight in 17 months. Regression analysis, and as you weigh less you lose less. The 300 pound person that opts for the 1200 calorie per day plan will get to their goal in 7 months.
     Ya feel me now. If you know the time difference is an extra 10 months of dieting to get to goal, you might speed things up a bit. Tomorrow each Challenger will know the difference. It is enlightening.
     Going to Port Washington, NY tonight for Sue's office's second Christmas party. La Parma, very similar to Mio Posto, family style Italian. More shrimp for me. Dinner at 7:30, an hour away. The party willl last till 11:00, and we will be home by midnight. I get up for work 4 hours later. Very excited... OMG.....

DAY 214, WEDNESDAY, DEC 15, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-15T12:06:00.000-05:00

It's lunch time, I am a little cranky. The phone call with People magazine was long, and I hope I got my point across. I am optimistic that I did. The second week of January is the printing. I am hungry. I read about this, it is a Milwaukee institution and it explains a lot, with very little explanation needed.

"WORLD"S BEST BUTTER BURGER"

All of our Burgers are made of 100% Quality Sirloin with Real Wisconsin Butter

We Cook ALL Burgers Till They're Done

This was the blurb I found with it...

Look closely at your burger when it arrives—you'll see a thick layer of not-yet-melted butter smeared on the inside of the top bun. Within a minute, the butter will have melted from the heat of the burger and dribbled into a pool on the plate. You'll notice they typically use small plates for the burgers; one can only assume this is to contain the melted butter neatly around the sponge-like bun.

OK, the world has now gone to hell in a hand basket. Adding 30 grams of fat to a burger or a cheeseburger is not normal. It seems these sell very well. I need some shrimp for lunch, very hungry.

DAY 214, WEDNESDAY, DEC 15, 2010

2010-12-15T07:55:00.000-05:00

     When Newsday called me, I told them to go fuck themselves. When the NY Times e-mailed me, I said it a little more politely, but with the same intent. When People magazine e-mailed and then called, I figured it was time to add my two cents to the story. My two cents is probably worth just that, but it is cathartic to get it off my chest. I am still sad, still a little confused, and as it is with any senseless thing, at a loss. This is what I sent to the young lady that is writing the story for next week's edition. We shall see if my version of the truth gets out.
     Mark and I spent 4 years together in High School. We were brothers, as close as any two could be. We had a big "family" of brothers, young affluent boys growing up in the early 80's with all the trappings of wealth. We drank a little, and never used hard drugs. We were far from perfect. We were very "good" kids, if not a little obnoxious. In my next life I would like to come back as Mark Madoff. A better friend, confidante and human is very hard to find. Growing up in Roslyn, we all worshipped our parents with unconditional love and respect. We treated our friend's parents as our own, and in turn we were one group of young men with lots of Moms and Dads. We stayed at each other's homes back and forth, and we went to every concert and sporting event as a group. We dated the same girls, we shared cars and lives, and we always had each others backs. In every sense of the word, Mark was the Golden Boy in our clique. Honest, caring, a little shy and very humble, all rolled into a very handsome young man. He was a pal. We went to different Universities and kept in touch over those years. After finishing school some of our High School group lived in the city and kept close. Later on, from 2004 to 2008, while Mark worked in the building next door to me, we stayed in touch. A new marriage, new children, a new beginning. Then it happened.

     In regards to the scandal, if you filled Giants Stadium to capacity, and then handed every single person one million dollars, the total amount of cash on hand would be near 65 billion dollars. If everyone in that Stadium trusted Bernie Madoff with their money as the analogy, why would anyone think his sons thought otherwise. No one thought the trust was misplaced for over 30 years. When I visited Mark in his office, we never went to the second floor to see his father. His Uncle was there, Andy was around, but no one went up to the other business. The name on the door was the same, but Mark and Andy were seperate entities. If Major Banks, auditors for those banks, Stock Markets, the US and other governments and thousands of people a lot smarter than Mark or Andy were fooled, why is everyone so quick to believe that their ignorance was not shared ? When Mark found out the truth, imagine the anger and frustration he was faced with. His father, the man that everyone respected, everyone that was allowed to have invested with and everyone loved and respected had lied to him. This was not a little fib, this was at least 30 years that I know of. This was no standard lie, it was pure fantasy, and Mark could never get over it. What would you do ? Do you "rat out" your father, or do you continue the 30 year charade that no one had called Bernie on ? That was the first of many problems that plaqued my brother Mark on that fateful day 2 years ago. Mark did the right thing, and called the Federal Agents. I questioned how anyone could do this to their father. I still lose sleep over it. Mark was a better man than I, and the truth was always important to him. The Greek tragedy that played out every day, Honor thy Father pitted against all the lies to everyone, killed my friend Mark eventually. The leash that everyone saw in the newspaper was not the killer, nor was the act of suicide. Bernie crushed his son, and it took 24 months from the arrest to finish the job.

     Diet wise, the Challenge is now on Day 9, with only a short time between now and New Year's for the gang to get to their goals.I have supreme confidence in all of them. I do read a lot of blogs, with weight loss themes, to get a better feel for what works and what doesn't. I read as many as I can, and try to implement the things that make sense to me into my diet and life. I will reiterate the one thing that has served me well. If you are serious about this, and I mean life and death serious, how do you have a day that does not involve the fluids you are supposed to have, and how do you go off plan ? I have read a lot, and commenting that food is comfort, or food is a drug, or that your children had a birthday and you ate some cake, or the Wendy's story, they all get lumped together as bullshit. Many of you are on Diabetes meds, or blood pressure pills, or any one of a gazillion prescriptions that are either caused by obesity or you just have been unfortunate to attract. If you forget the water, or cheat on the diet, you might as well miss the meds. No fucking difference there. Do you forget to take the life-saving medications ? Do you blame the cake ? Do you relish the comfort in knowing that the meds will hopefully save your lives ? Dare I say Hypocrite ? Get on a plan, and stick to it every day, every hour and every second until you get where you should be health wise. This is serious shit, and blogging about anything that is not 100% serious is sounding awfully silly these days.

DAY 213, TUESDAY, DEC 14, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-14T10:53:00.001-05:00

I was so inspired by ANN this morning, that I needed to share something with my peeps. I was going to mass email it to everyone in the morning, but after reading it over a few times, I can't wait that long. Rather than send another email, I will share it with everyone. My Challengers will find it here, and please comment until it hurts. While other Challenges are fun, and I love the comraderie, I figured we should add some professional advice and of course, math. I know that in April of 2011 I will hit 199 pounds. I know this with every being in my body. I am obsessed. I write about it incessantly, and it is my goal. The goal is based on a lot of factors that I have no knowledge as to how they work. I got the date from people smarter than all of us, and I am on track using the silly formulas we have.
I figure why not use the results and formulas for my Challengers, and give everyone the date that they will hit their goals. Here is what the professionals used as guidelines to get the date keep in mind we have to follow the rules to get there.

1) You must be on the plan 24 hours per day,
7 days per week

2) You must be drinking the water minimums
7 days per week, no days off

3) 1200 calories per day, a maximum of 8400 calories per week

4) No days off the plan, and if you must cheat,
see rule #1

Merry Christmas to all my friends in the Challenge. This is very exciting as now everyone has the information I have used. I will reach my goal. Will you ? Follow the plan, it will happen !!!

DAY 213, TUESDAY, DEC 14, 2010

2010-12-14T08:27:00.003-05:00

     I had this great post all set about the Lap Band. I deleted it. In the end, enjoy the band, I hope it works, and good for you. If the Bandito's need a face to get mad at for being fat, bring it on. My pleasure. I will tell you that with the band, you can never have the success that I have had in 213 days. The band is not made for that, it will not be put on 415 pound people safely, and it will not afford you the ability to lose half the weight you need to, without a serious diet. It was not built for that.
     The diet I am on continues. The weight still comes off at 2-3 pounds per week. For the record, enough with the decimal places kids. Round up, round down, it's not a contest at all. Your scale is off by 1/2 a pound anyway, and it makes no difference. This is for your health, the scale will catch up. If you can manage to be happy at a calorie level that helps you to lose weight, your life will be better. I send out a mass email every morning during the Challenge to the entrants. A little reminder every day that this is for life and for us all. Today's message needs to be shared with the rest of you guys, so you can see what we are talking about and doing.

1200 Calories per day is very hard, when you are not used to it. The truth is, 10,000 calories per day is hard to eat as well, when you are used to 1200 calories. That is the crux of the problem. Getting used to less food. If you are at goal weight eating, how about you start today, the official second Tuesday in the challenge, and try 1200 calories for at least 2 days. Surprisingly, the difference in some of the eating is very little. In some of us larger folks, dropping to 1200 calories per day is a life and game changer. It will save your life !! Some boring math. If you weigh 300 lbs and want to get to 200 lbs, your day at goal weight is 2200 calories. If you drop to 1200 calories per day, you will lose 50-70 pounds more in the year than at 2200 calories per day. Think about next Christmas, instead of at 300 lbs, or at the 200 lbs you will work to get to, how about weighing 150 lbs. Dropping half your size in a year.
The results are all the proof you need. If you try the 1200 calories and can not do it, at least you tried. No one will know except you, and trying is better than not trying. If you succeed, if you can live well on 1200 calories, like I am and like your friends here are. I can promise you that your goals are attainable.

     I read everything I could get my hands on before I started a diet. I had run out of options and to me this is life or death. I was obese, just like you guys might be. I believed nothing. I read my friend Sean's blog and wanted to prove that it could NOT be done. I wanted to prove he was full of shit. He is not, and it works. I read Tony's blog, laughed at his arrogance, and then saw that his plan works. I read Stephen's blog, and although I fear for his life and immaturity, I was in awe of his success. I read stories upon stories and I settled into the comfort of knowing that at 6XL, I had 4 more sizes up until I ran out of clothes to wear. I knew that I could buy reinforced furniture, and that a bidet could be installed. Yeah, I did not believe I had a prayer. Yesterday, the young lady that normally sits across from me on the train and listens to her IPOD sat down next to me. We talk about her husband and children, so let's not go there. Sitting next to me on the train was impossible before. Now she is comfortable and shows it, as there are other seats on the train. She commented on the weight loss, and asked me to talk to her husband. I agreed of course, and emails are starting. That could never have happened 6 months ago. I was defeated.
     I started this to prove that at least I could try something that seemed to make sense. It seemed logical, and I absorbed enough information to give it a whirl. Ther is no way that I felt in my heart that I would be here for 213 days. There are plenty more days left, I am still fat, but I am amazed every day at the amount of time I have comitted. It is the most important thing I can do. It is not a marathon, it is a sprint. If you want to pace yourself, some good days, some bad, a little cake here and there, what will a slice of Pizza harm, then you shouldn't get involved around here. This is life and death, and death is not so much fun I hear.
     The pacing is the hardest part to read. Be honest for one second. If you found a magic wand that would make you thin and healthy in an instant, you would wave it like Houdini trying to get unshakled as the water flows into the trick casket. Why is slow and steady the answer ? More fat person bullshit is what it is. You want to change, then real change is the only way. The analogy of the alcoholic having just a sip, or the heroin addict having just a taste is so applicable it is deafening. IT IS TIME TO HEAR IT !!!

DAY 212, MONDAY, DEC 12, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-13T20:17:00.003-05:00

As the first week ends, and we have some results, the nurse that is helping me has a formula to see where she is comfortable guesstimating weights for 2011. Based on the first week weigh in, her reading the blogs (the reason I needed the addresses) and in the case of the few without blogs she got the guesstimate assessment on the actual weight results. The numbers for the first week for a lot of us were very close to the guesses. If you were using the low calorie plan, odds were with you that the big results made you smile. There will always be exceptions, and this is not a contest. Use the results as a guide. If the first week was not what you wanted, then try to do better this week. The concept of a challenge is just that, a Challenge. It is not a half assed attempt to sometimes follow the plan. Posting that you had a bad day and did not drink the fluids is not a mature and helpful excuse in a Challenge. Focus on the rules of the Challenge. Following the rules all the time brings about the results you want. Futzing around with this is a waste of everyone's time, especially yours and your families.
     There are 3 weeks left in the year, and then we start Phase 4. Some of you will join us and learn a great plan to lose weight. Some of you will drop out because the holidays will overtake your will to drop the weight. I loves ya either way, although I do wish you would stay the course. Some of the probable results listed are very low, and besting these numbers would be great. Some seem incredibly far off. I can only say that you should dream big. If every week is an average, and I have been on a plan for 28 weeks, then I am losing weight at the average weekly rate of 5.5 pounds or so. I am losing weight at about 11 pounds per month now. When I started it was flying off. You can do this as well, if not better than I have.
     I did get a few phone calls from a local newspaper, and a National newspaper in response to my posts about my late friend. The National reporter asked if I was interested in adding to a piece she was doing based on the electronic media and the friends that knew him well. I asked her if she was allowed to print "Go Fuck Yourself" in the paper, and she said not really. Next. The local, although highly circulated Long Island paper had a different approach in questioning. I responded in kind. Guessing I am not going to be reprinted with my permission anytime in the near future. That works for me very nicely.
     I had some apple slices, sunflower seeds in the shell, a sugar free Eskimo bar and the Amy's Mexican thing for dinner. Just polished off a big mug of Joe, and I have had more water then Nemo. Peeing will be a long term project tonight. I pooped this afternoon, and it was not a fun time. I figure that if my stomach muscles are not strong enough to perform 20 situps in a row yet, or 50 crunches yet, then the threat of renal prolapse (pooping out your sphincter) is really not a concern. I did try very hard though, and with great effort comes relief. I want to weigh myself as I think I passed a small child. It can wait until morning, or next week.
     Signups continue for Phase 4. I heard from our guest helper today and she is prepping some great stuff. We might even get the chance to be on Cable TV one day. Ya never know... Peas

Ninja posted this and it's just another FYI,,,,I spoke with the MD today about my weight loss, she said that what I'm doing is exactly what I should be doing. I even asked if 100 plus ounces of fluids a day was too much and she said no, in fact your body needs fluid to work properly. It felt nice to be validated by a medical professional.

DAY 212, MONDAY, DEC 13, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-13T13:38:00.000-05:00

     I had a treat for lunch today. Laryssa and her husband Ed have a friend visiting from out of town, so they were in the city to sightsee. They stopped in for lunch, so we had a little chat. Great people, easy to talk to, and not afraid to tell me when I am scaring some online peeps. A little salmon, some stew, some eggplant, and my guests got to sample a NY lunch treat at Al's. It was a great break during the day. I had some salmon at 11:45 that is not making me smile as it usually does. No worries, I will have some apple slices when I get home. Breakfast was 2 scrambled eggs in a whole wheat wrap with some grated cheddar or whatever yellow cheese was in the walk in freezer that I used. It tasted good.
     Dinner tonight will be another of the Amy's Enchilada Verde dinners. 300 calories of Mexican love. In all honesty, and yes Kristen this means you too, there are better choices than packaged Mexican food. That said, if you want to stay on a calorie counting diet, and 300 to 400 calories is a meal, this bad boy with a salad is unfreaking believable. It tastes great with a shot or two of Pete's hot sauce, and it fills me up vegetarian style. It is also lactose and gluten free, so I have that going for me as well. Not sure why, but I do. I bought three of them, with the promise to only eat one per day at the most.
     Otherwise I have not been abused all that much today, and I have not had to lash back at anyone. I did read that I jump on anyone that does not agree with me. For the record that is not true at all. I listen, I absorb and I follow things that make sense. I lash out at stupidity, because I can. Take for instance my old friend, the Teddy Bear of weight loss. His posting for the week in the land of the heavy weights showed a gain of 19 pounds. A cold, laid up in bed, the crud, at home with junk food, and there it is. No excuses, no "I had a hot dog", just an error. I wish him well and a swift recovery. I hope he can win this battle. The weight swings are not healthy, even I know that.
   Hopefully we are all back on track, sucking down the fluids, and eating well... Santa is coming, and that thing you want will look kinda silly under the layer of cake and cookies...

DAY 212, MONDAY, DEC 13, 2010

2010-12-13T08:38:00.003-05:00

     It's not that I condone the crimes, they just didn't phase me all that much. Greed will do that to you, and someone has to be the greediest of them all. The house of cards that has yet to fall is going to hit much closer to my home than anyone would have imagined. I mean that with reference to the neighborhood that I grew up in, not in my immediate family. What bothered me from the start was the story that he had called the FBI and ratted out his father. It never happened that way. We missed a generation in our sense of loyalty I guess. My late grandfather and his brother taught me one thing that will never fade. Simply put, without Hollywood bravado, "Never rat out your family." My friend knew the code, he lived the code, and the story of going to the Feds never sat well with me. The truth can never be told now, as the story teller is gone. I have lost some sleep, but my loss is selfish, with very little to do with the dog's leash as an instrument of finding peace.
     The concept of "never ratting on family" brought Abe and Robbie to my mind, and finally brought some clarity to my own life. I have no solutions, I have reached an understanding and a disturbing peace. Without getting into a past that I would never divulge, let's say that they were quite a pair, in the most respected way. Nothing would ever cause one or the other to disparage the other or their family. Not bullets, subpoenas, very scary gangsters, wives and girlfriends or children. They were a pair, each quite different, but a pair. A third brother seemed more tame and we will say shy. If anyone is watching, the three of them copy my brothers and my place in our families in an alarming similarity. There is one big difference, and that is where I probably am better served in a different generation. I would never break the code.
     My friend was torn, with very few that would listen to him. As the months progressed, and as he grew more distant, the questions grew harder to avoid as the denials faded. There was no chance that my friend turned on his father, just as there was no chance that he was ignorant. I am positive that his father, although a thief, took the stoic route in covering for his sons and brother. I am sure of this, as I am sure that Winter turns into Spring. The loss of sleep that I have manifests in me as I wonder whom I killed or robbed to cause my family to react as they have to me. I remember every family function, I have pictures to prove it as well. If Abe was there, Robbie was invited. If Abe's family was invited, Robbie's was as well. I am sure that my Great Grandfather never went to a holiday dinner at my Grandfather's home, with other siblings and their children, with my Uncle being excluded. It would never have been allowed to happen, not ever. How could my friend have done this to his father, even knowing what his father had done. He didn't, and don't believe everything you read. I could never do it, not for money or murder. That is the crux of the sleep loss, and my selfishness. Doesn't that count for something and isn't it understood ?
     Late weigh in's last night brought the total loss to 192 pounds combined. An amazing start to a Challenge that has three weeks left. 750 pounds total loss for the challenge is a pipe dream I have. I know it will be hard with the holidays approaching. I wish everyone all the success they want, and I hope the commitment stays strong. I have had some hate thrown around lately aimed at me, and by default those that agree with what I am following. I in turn am not shy when I expose some of the bullshit that is being sent out there. Don't get me started with all the people that were given the name Anonymous by their parents. Using that name in a public forum should give you some insight into the writer's character. If you have something to say, say it, type it and own it. If nothing else, I always own what I say. As for insulting my online friends, when I see it in other blogs I will call you on it. Do not fuck with my new family here, not ever.
     With all the reporting changes, and a glitch last night, the final first week results for the group are :

192 POUNDS LOST

63 PARTICIPANTS

3.1 POUNDS LOST PER PERSON

As is my prerogative, I like to give out some awards to people that visit often and fill me with love. This award is very self explanatory and I would like to present it to 6 people that have proven themselves to me.

SUZANNE, MY WIFE, AS SHE IS ALWAYS THERE

JULIE IN NH, WHOSE EMAILS INSPIRE ME

JULIE IN MN, WHO MAKES ME SMILE

BRETT, ALWAYS HAS HAD MY BACK

KAREN, MY ONLINE FRIEND FOREVER

CHRISTINE M, BECAUSE SHE IS HONEST

POST THE AWARD PROUDLY PLEASE !

WEEK 1 UPDATED CORRECTLY

DAY 211, SUNDAY, DEC 12, 2010 PART 4

2010-12-12T20:25:00.002-05:00

Sunday weigh in for Phase 3 of the Double Dog Dare Challenge, known as Spawn of Son of DDDC. I received the weigh in's from 64 of the 70 Challengers. No one is thrown out, I just use the results from the people that remember to send them to me. It is a Challenge. The participants get a morning email from me daily and that will list the new water amounts, based on their new weights. 5 DAYS of a diet, with reporting on the 6th DAY. The total loss for the group of 64 people is 185 pounds, with a per person average loss of 3 pounds.
This is not a race, it is not a contest, it is a learning experience for all of us. If you failed this week, pick it up next week. As for the guesstimates, which I based the 200 pound loss on 70 people, well if the average held true and everyone remembered to email me, we would have hit 210 pounds. Still, not a full week and pretty amazing.

3 POUNDS PER PERSON FOR 5 DAYS !!!

185 POUNDS OF FAT LOST !!!

AWESOME !!!

VERY PROUD OF MY PEEPS !!!

DAY 211, SUNDAY, DEC 12, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-12T18:29:00.003-05:00

Since the Banditos let the cat out of the bag with the bullshit that is posted on Vanessa's blog, maybe we can send out a little clairty. The following is posted on the Laposcopicsurgeon-online website. It is a place to find information pre-surgery and they are definitely in the business of selling you a Lap Band. Forget my scepticism, and my opinion, this is from a proponent of the band, that earns a living from the sale of the device.
http://www.laparoscopicsurgeon-online.com/frequently_asked_questions.htm

After Surgery what foods do I need to avoid?

After obesity surgery, you will start by drinking liquids for a number of weeks, then move onto a soft diet and eventually onto a regular diet, chewing your food thoroughly and eating small amounts. You must maintain a diet that consists of small meals taken at regular intervals rather than 1 or 2 large meals a day. About 1200 calories a day will work. The band has made your stomach smaller and you must eat accordingly. Also avoid foods laden with fat or sugar, try to eat ice cream and other enticing foods only occasionally. An occasional treat will not hurt.
How much weight do you think I can lose?
In studies conducted by the FDA, they found the average person lost about 35% of their body weight. If you weigh 300lbs now, that would mean you could weigh as little as 195 after the surgery. Of course every case is different, so results may be different as well. Stay on your diet and exercise and expect the best.
The doctors that sell the lap band tell you that you are on a diet to lose weight. They also tell you that you should eat 1200 calories per day with the band, to lose weight. Can you all shut the fuck up already about the holier than thou crap about not being on a diet. It's a fucking diet with a safety net. If you cheat, you throw up. No big news there. And for Janelle and Sandy Lee, the above information has a link to a certified surgeon, with a website, and a phone number. You might want to get a better doctor if your information is any different.
From the makers of the band, LAP BAND SYSTEM, here are the risks they talk about. Again, our friends above are losing a pound a week, with this over their heads:
In the study, 25% of the patients had their band systems removed, two-thirds of which were following adverse events

In 9% of the patients, a second surgery was needed to fix a problem with the band or initial surgery. In 9% of the patients, there was an additional procedure to fix a leaking or twisted access port

Four out of 299 patients (1.3%) had their bands erode into their stomachs. These bands needed to be removed in a second operation
It gets worse, but why bore everyone. All this, plus the expense, the fills, the port, and the Diet, to lose a pound a week with no guarantee it will keep off the weight. OK, not so much,,,

DAY 211, SUNDAY, DEC 12, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-12T15:01:00.002-05:00

     Sue and I went out in the pouring rain to help the economy as best as we could. All done, and she is sanding some window sills that the kids used as a chew toy. A little wood filler, a little paint, and new blinds etc, before the furniture shows up. Not all in stock, so we are having one massive delivery on December 24th from every place we bought from. We are both off and will be around for the fun.
     Well there were some choice responses on Dinnerland's blog from her peeps, backing up the Lap Band. I am not going to repeat that I think it is a great tool for some, but I will pass on some of the holiday love that I got via her blog. The first is from Sandy Lee. Sandy was banded in February of this year at 209 pounds. She is down to 168 on her meter. 10 months, 40 pounds, a pound a week. Her love to me is this:

Hi V-I had to block Allan early in the "band-fight-postings". Since he was a follower, it was easy. But I won't trash him, since I just don't deal well with toxic people and it will only raise another conflict. You are right-he is promoting health care-his own opinion-not a medically educated one.
Sandy Lee, again a low calorie diet is what you are on, or at least you should be. Promote ? As for medical education, I could educate you on the stupidity of putting into your belly a corrosive plastic device that needs to be monitored daily into an almost 60 year old woman to lose 1 pound a week.

True-if I had kept to a 1600 calorie diet for the past 45 years (yup-been dieting since I was 11) I wouldn't have gotten bad blood results because of my stupidity-fatty liver, pre-diabetes, high BP. And I also only had a BMI of 34-a number a lot of docs would refuse to do surgery for the band.
All licensed and certified Doctors won't perform the surgery, unless you go to Mexico to have it done at your light weight. I am not calling you "diet-lazy", but a band to lose 40 pounds ?

I guess the strange thing that non-band people don't get is that the band actually stops you from being hungry. When our fill is right, we don't "feel" like eating and that allows us to only eat a small amount. We don't care or think about food. It was the same feeling I had when I used the weight loss drugs in the 90's.
We all see the pattern here. She can not diet without drugs or surgery, and now we are wrong.
Never ever doubt your choice. It is your body and the risks of surgery to have the band outweighs the risks of developing weight related problems as we age.
Sandy Lee, not even close to the truth, ever. The band is lethal if 1 of a 1000 documented problems occur. Very few people will die from eating less.

There will always be opinionated people who think their opinions are the only ones (think about the abortion debate, religion, race, politics-you name it), there will always be divisions. It just is. And no matter what we say, it will never change someone's opinion if they have set their own minds against our opinion.
Again, I think if used with a diet, the band is great. Spending $10,000 and risking your life to lose 40 pounds is just plain stupid.

Then we have Janelle, banded since February 22 of this year. Janelle has lost 50 pounds, starting at 268 or so and now she is at 218. Also ten months or so, a little more than a pound a week off her body. Her love:

I am glad you are finally blocking that a-hole. He thinks he is a doctor, but in reality he is just an ignorant bully. No sense in pointing out all his INACCURACIES because I don't care enough about the dude to waste my time!
Sweetie, my information is not only accurate, but I cite medical references before I spew. I do not think I am a doctor, nor do I pass on any medical information that does not come from a Doctor.
He will NEVER know what the band does until he has one and he obviously never will, so forget him. He obviously has self-esteem issues and problems with his own weight and like a true bully, only feels better when he is bringing people down. Ignore him, he is ignorant and pathetic.
Ignorant and pathetic. Well, I actually know more about the device that you have in you than you do. As far as pathetic, well that is personal and I won't delve into your life aside from the band. As for my self esteem, well I kind of think that the last thing anyone that knows me or reads from me, I lack no self esteem.

How dare he insult your slow weight loss, apparently he doesn't know that slow weight loss is better than fast weight loss. You know, just like I do, that this is the BEST thing we have ever done for ourselves and NO loser is going to bring ME down from that! So I am glad you are dropping him for good. Congrats on the weight loss, it looks like you and I both have very effective fills right now!!
Here is where your youth, ignorance, stupidity and all around bullshit response shows. You know that slow weight loss is better than fast ? If you could have lost weight without medical intervention, you would have. If someone would take off the extra 80 pounds you have left to lose tomorrow, you would kill your first born to get the cure. For the record, slow is not better, it is what you are doing because you do not have the self control needed to just stop shoveling food into your mouth. Your excuse for being pathetic is that it is the BEST way ? The best way is not eating as much. Well, your wayy is not the true way to lose weight, but again if it works for you, knock yourself out. That has always been my belief.

     Of course as it is weigh in day, there have been some ups and downs. Here, for you lovelies that are reading your names in print above, this is unsolicited from two people in the Challenge. Again, I am not a Doctor, I don't play one on TV, and I offer my success and failures to you as a lesson:

Weight today is 274.5, not the predicted, but as I said 20 pounds since Oct 18. I am doing the 1200 and 164+ fluids daily. I did check with my Doc and she said it was fine with her...she thinks 1200 cal is no problem

Weigh in this morning-351 but in BIGGER news for me since starting Phase one I have had decrease the amount of insulin I do four times a day! My doctor is thrilled and wanted me to personally thank you for helping me do something I have struggle with for a long time!!

There have been tons of emails very similar to this. I am not doing anything, you guys are and alot of us are rocking the results. Let's remember this, and read it carefully. TODAY IS THE 6TH DAY OF THE PLAN. If you got the information and started on Tuesday, and weighed in this morning, you are working this for 5 DAYS, reporting on the 6th. I will agree that it is impossible to measure the success or failure of this in 120 hours of dieting. It is hard enough to measure in 120 days, 4 months of this. It will work, it is not conjecture, my opinion or a wish. It is as the lovelies above refuse to believe, Science. I invented nothing, I agree with nothing until I see it work, and surely the two idiots above will never make me believe anything except their ignorance rages. If you have not sent the weights to me, get on it, we all want to see what is up. As a preview, with 48 people reporting, we are down 138 pounds so far. With a few exceptions from people that know what they did wrong, the experts are very freaking close....

DAY 211, SUNDAY, DEC 12, 2010

2010-12-12T05:24:00.001-05:00

     No more Lap Band bashing kids. I am allowed to say what I want on my blog and debate a friend or an enemy in my blog. I have proven to myself that a lap band for me would not have been a good choice. I am not a candidate now for any weight loss surgery. Before everyone jumps ugly, I still advocate the complete gastric bypass for a lot of us. The lap band, not so much, but if it can be used to work for you, then praise those people. Enough hate, we are all trying to get to the same place. My real annoyance comes with those people that are doing nothing, just bullshitting around here. Dinnerland is walking the walk, talking the talk and as my friend, even though we disagree on her strength to do this without medical intervention, I support her 100% in the end. I truly believe that Vanessa could do this without a band, but that is not my call. Being someones friend does not mean you pat them on the head, whether they are right or wrong. You are allowed to debate friends, even in this wacky forum, when your friends know you have their backs.
     I have a friend Arliss that I meet at the Coffee Nut on Saturday and Sunday mornings for coffee and conversation. Divorced, 70 years old at least, and a local Long Beach resident for at least 20 years. Originally from West Virginia, in the mountains, we have as much in common as Jesse Jackson and the Imperial Wizard of the Klan. We chat, I laugh and make fun of him to his face, he in turn blasts our government, my Jewish Liberalism, and everything that is wrong with a Non White America. When Arliss was diagnosed with skin cancer I had started my diet journey. Together we started shrinking. Me from not eating, Arliss from Chemo and radiation. 7 months later, I am thinner, and Arliss is getting healthier. If you ever want to question God, I will send you Arliss' photo. Why this racist bigot is still on the planet after all the surgery, meds and pain is a mystery to me. Every time we meet he congratulates me on my success and I tell him how happy I am that he is still on the planet. I respect his efforts at trying to live and I enjoy his company. His view on everything in life, I am opposed to. He is my friend, and I will support him because of that. Ya feel me, let's not worry about the Banditos, they have a plan and I support their efforts.
     Weigh In today for the Challenge everyone. Email those numbers to me with no fear. This is not a contest, and it is impossible for everyone to have lost 29 pounds in a week. Whatever happened, it happened. This week we start again, with a plan. I will post the complete weeks success as everyone reports to me today. I am not including myself in the challenge. I lose 2 or 3 pounds per week, every week, no matter what the hell I do. I am consistent, I am redundant and my numbers will not change. I follow exactly what I preach, to the T. I am with you, part of you, and my success is not an issue. I already follow the plan.
     The one thing that we all should learn is consistency which in the case of dieting is commitment. I have a Gadget on the right side bar that Blogger offers. It shows weekly dates since I started this with a number. That number is what I call Accountability. It is the amount of blog posts in a week. You can not fudge the consistency. I am always typing instead of eating, 3 times a day or so, week in, and week out. The number is very consistent, go check it out. I plan the blogging time, like I plan the food, as part of the overall plan to lose the weight. Many of you want to enjoy life as you lose weight, and depriving yourselves of foods on the journey seems like heresy. Slow and steady, a little cake now and then, you miss some days of fluids, you will go back tomorrow. I abhor that. I do not want to do this forever. I want to get to a place, my goal weight, and live there. To get there faster to me is the only way. Consistency, and commitment to the goal is all that matters to me. If you stay focused, the weight will come off, no matter what your plan or surgery is. That is the key, at least to me.
Here is Dinnerland's response to my post from yesterday. I am guessing we won't be dancing together anytime soon. I reread what I wrote a few times, and I was not mean. Some of the spirited comments were not perfect, but then again Vanessa gets in her two cents on her blog in response. All is fine and I enjoy a spirited debate. I will say that bashing me friends around here, in this case Vanessa did some bashing, will not be allowed. We agree to disagree and I wish everyone well.

DAY 210, SATURDAY, DEC 11, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-11T20:10:00.003-05:00

Two years ago to the day, and it had plaqued me for weeks. I lost a little of my innocence and my friend had lost a father. I spoke to my friend after the excitement, after the newspapers had started the stories, and before the fall from Grace. Things would never be the same for him, his family and his friends. It was impossible to comprehend. How could my friends' father have done this? How could my friend and his brother have no idea as to what went on. You couldn't know the whole story without knowing the boy.

Imagine the kid in school that wouldn't cheat on an exam, even if given the answers from the teacher. That same boy that would take you anywhere you wanted to go in his used Blazer, no matter what was going on. As we grew older there were extravaganzes that came with the trappings of great wealth. You would have never known this unless you had information that was provided third hand. Unassuming would be the adjective. I never could understand the stories that he and his brother had called the Feds and turned in their Dad. Not my friend, not his father, and never his family. You had to know him to understand his torment. Of course, how could this have happened without his knowledge and duplicity? While the firm had two floors next door to the restaurant, the internal stair case between the floors was no excuse for ignorance. Did Dad take the fall for the entire family, in a desperate attempt to shield them all from his crimes? Was Dad the only one that knew of the crimes, keeping his brother and my friend and his brother in the dark? In retrospect the crimes were not hidden very well, and those involved in the profits were either very greedy or duplicitous as well. It will all come out one day. The lives that have been touched by these crimes are only the tip of the iceberg. If you knew all the players, you would know that there is much more to come. My friend knew what was coming next, and before he had to face those few friends left with more evil, he chose to leave the world. There is nothing to say, and no words to express our loss. Rather then speculate on his knowledge of these crimes as they were committed I will sleep tonight knowing that my friend paid the ultimate price for the Sins of the father.
Yit-gadal v'yit-kadash sh'may raba b'alma dee-v'ra che-ru-tay, ve'yam-lich mal-chutay b'chai-yay-chon uv'yo-may-chon uv-cha-yay d'chol beit Yisrael, ba-agala u'vitze-man ka-riv, ve'imru amen.

Y'hay sh'may raba me'varach le-alam uleh-almay alma-ya.
Yit-barach v'yish-tabach, v'yit-pa-ar v'yit-romam v'yit-nasay, v'yit-hadar v'yit-aleh v'yit-halal sh'may d'koo-d'shah, b'rich hoo. layla (ool-ayla)* meen kol beer-chata v'she-rata, toosh-b'chata v'nay-ch'mata, da-a meran b'alma, ve'imru amen.
Y'hay sh'lama raba meen sh'maya v'cha-yim aleynu v'al kol Yisrael, ve'imru amen.
O'seh shalom beem-romav, hoo ya'ah-seh shalom aleynu v'al kol Yisrael, ve'imru amen.

DAY 210, SATURDAY, DEC 11, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-11T17:01:00.001-05:00

     There is nothing to say when a friend takes their life. Too soon since it happened, and it has not completely registered yet. I feel bad for the kids, his wife and his Mom. The world will never know completely what happened. It is very sad. Unfortunately for Vanessa at Dinnerland, she took the wrong day to comment on my blog. First, Vanessa and I are friends outside of this blog and hers. What I am going to write is how I feel, and a lot if it is in relation to the Lap Band. Since she made the comment, in regards to her use of the band, well the gloves are off. Sit back, hold on tight, I am sure that Vanessa and I will patch things up down the road, maybe even later.
     The comment on my previous entry was in regards to my guess that the Challengers would exceed any pre-conceived weight loss goals by eating low calorie menus. Here is the first excerpt from her comment that got me crazy.
The big bugaboo is how to keep it off-- at least in my mind. But that is not to say that these folks aren't learning TERRIFIC habits for life if they choose to continue on in the way you're prescribing.

My take on it: it is a strict calorie reduction plan with some terrific suggestions on how to make the most of calorie restricted diet PLUS drinking tons of water.
I have made my feelings about the lap band known after research, discussions with Doctors that sell the lap band, patients with a lap band, and my own conversations with other types of extreme weight loss endeavors. So we are not confused, eating less is not extreme. Having a piece of plastic surgically placed into you, with a lifetime port sticking out of you that has to be medically monitored for the rest of your life is extreme. Learning something for life is what we as mature adults must do to succeed. Tons of water is silly, as the minimum amount of fluids that we are drinking is actually the USDA's daily recommendations, minus the fluids in the foods we are eating. Again, I studied what you have had inserted into you before I spoke. You are guessing as to what we are doing.

So-- everyone is focusing on a very controllable factor that takes up stomach space and generally a lot of time running back and forth to the restroom when one would otherwise be eating (what a terrific REMINDER that you're on a diet that you're drinking all that water and peeing constantly!!!)

Good on y'all who are doing great!!
Again, hydrating yourself the way you are supposed to is not taking up stomach space. Drinking the extra fluids, over and above the minimums will only cleanse and replenish the body as it sheds fat. This is not a goof, this is science. After our obese bodies adjust to how they are supposed to be the peeing slows down to a normal amount. At the same time, our healthier bodies crave the fluids.

your plan isn't for everyone, and I am one for whom it is NOT because it is not how I choose to do things and I don't fundamentally agree with rushing to lose weight. I've done other rapid weight loss plans in the past-- and I've consistently put the weight right. back. on. For me, and I am different anyway b/c of the WLS, I see it as a lifelong concern, and I know you and I don't see eye to eye (you want to get to your goal as goddamn fast a possible!!! And I'm rooting for you.) As for me, I'll take the motivation but moderate the rest for my life.)

Here is where we get personal, and the fundamental differences we have with the Lap Band. You were banded on January 4th of this year at 195 pounds. Today you weigh 170 pounds, 11 months and 25 pounds later. I have Challenge entrants that have easily surpassed your success, but in 45 days, not 325 days. I have 4 women, 2 of whom that are banded as you are that are way ahead of your efforts in less than a month by eating less. I have over 60 people that are losing weight right now, and by January 1st I can assure you that over 50% of them will exceed in 1 month your yearly success. These Challengers had no surgery, no pain, no real hunger, and zero cost to learn this. Guess what ? If they resume their old habits tomorrow, they will steadily regain the lost weight. Guess what ? The same shit holds true for you. The lap band might make you throw up when you down a steak quickly, but I can assure you that the milkshake that you want goes right through the band as well as it does through my un banded belly. You and many Banditos justify the surgery, the expense and the life long care of the band as the tool that will stop you from over eating again, and allow you to eat whatever you want for the rest of your lives.
     I have danced around the issue for a long time. After being here for 600 posts in over 210 days I can honestly say that this story of the band being a tool to stop you from gaining weight for the rest of your lives is complete bullshit. Only you can lose weight, with or without the band, by eating less and moving more. If you eat more calories per day, in your case 1900 calories per day at 170 pounds, you will gain weight. If you have two milkshakes, and your band will help you enjoy them, combined with your normal "DIET" every day, you will not throw up. You will get fatter. That is a fact, and the band is not going to save you. Your mind can save you. Sticking to a DIET plan for life can save you. Can you live forever at 1900 calories per day, to maintain your 170 pound figure ? Of course you can. With or without the corrosive plastic thing in your belly, you can gain weight. The only thing stopping it is you. For the record, in obese people, the threat of vomiting is not at all a threat as you are enjoying the 7th slice of pizza. Throwing up the pizza means there is more room to eat to the obese, banded or not. That shit is not going to fly anymore. Not eating is all mental. Dieting is mental. With or without the band, to lose weight, you are on a DIET.
     I think the Lap Band is a great tool to teach you how to live the lifetime DIET that we are planning on. If you want to weigh 150 pounds, you will eat 1650 calories for the rest of your life to stay at that weight. I could give a flying fuck whether you have a band, a bypass or a sleeve. That is the way the body works. If you believe that the band will stop you from eating more than 1650 calories than you are mistaken. You are stopping yourself, no matter how may times you scream that you are not on a diet. Eat 1700 calories when you get to 150 pounds next Christmas, you too will regain weight every day. Again, life is very short and fleeting. If you advocate taking 2 years to get from 200 pounds to 150 pounds, a loss of 1/2 a pound per week, and have backers to this plan, then please continue. Telling the world that when you get there after two years of surgery, fills, Doctors visits and a DIET that is very restrictive, that the band will keep you there is almost the same as having a weekly lottery ticket purchase being your hopeful retirement plan. Both plans, the lottery win and the band forcing you to not eat are pipe dreams. With or without the band, you can eat.
     As for the water, why would you ever advocate that you should not drink the USDA minimum requirements for fluid consumption. Can you find one medical professional that tells you to not hydrate your body ? Do you know what we are drinking and out fluid levels. ? No, and next time ask me before you jump in. We are all following a medical plan to lose weight and learn how to live for the rest of our lives. You are following a medically created plan to do the same. We are all on DIETS, no matter the semantics.

DAY 210, SATURDAY, DEC 11, 2010

2010-12-11T08:22:00.002-05:00

Slept eh, just ok as it was cold, then hot, then cold again. Crazy puppies and work crap on my mind. I had some eggs and some water and some coffee. More water now. I spoke to my esteemed mentors that are running the Challenge. They gave me some ideas as to what to expect at the weigh in tomorrow. I know that the Challenge entrants are on different meal plans, and some of you are still scared of the 1200 calorie per day plan. Some of you are following the plan sometimes, and some of us are taking the knowledge and the efforts given to us and applying it to our lives. Based on everyone following the plans, and averaging out the group as to heavier, lighter, on the plan and not, we made some guesstimates. The combined loss for the first 6 days, ending tomorrow is guesstimated to be 256 POUNDS COMBINED. I am anxious to see what will actually happen. Those that do not report to me tomorrow are coming out of the math, and coming out of the Challenge. I want to be accurate, and I want to prove a point or two.

65 people, including myself. The average loss guess is 4.1 pounds per person in 6 days. Ya feel me, the 200 pound guess I made was topped by the professionals by a pound per person. I am not saying this is going to happen, but it is fun to play.
    I must say that for this to work, you guys in the Challenge must fight the weekend demons. Do not have 4 glasses of wine tonight, consider it fluids, and expect to make me and you happy in the morning. A fat steak tonight, as a present because you ate less this week will kill your plans. Again, they call them CHEETO's for a reason.
     I have heard from one Challenger this morning. Her reticence and fear when this started was expected. Blind Faith won out and she followed the plans that we were given by professionals that none of us can afford to see alone. Yeah, some of you are loaded, but none of you are that well off to visit these guys as a group. 4 Doctors, 4 visits, a total of $4000 office visits to tell you to eat less. If you were going to do that alone, then you would have already.
     Back to my friend, and she got on the scale today just to check. Since Tuesday, with dilligence and following through she has lost 7 POUNDS !! 5 days, 7 pounds, and she is among the average weight here in our group. By far not the heaviest, and not the lightest, she is the average. You will find out her name tomorrow, and with any luck, we will all be as happy as she is.
     FOLLOW THE PLAN, DRINK THE WATER, BE AN ADULT AND COMMIT TO SOMETHING THAT WORKS !!
     Phase 4 signups continue. If you have entered nothing at all yet, you are still welcome. If you don't have a blog you are welcome. If you have been mean to me in the past, atone a little, and then you are welcome as well. The customized information is looking to be priceless. Yeah, I know, it is early, but c'mon people this shit is powerful.
   Time for me to help the economy and get some Holiday stuff. Lunch will be spent out there with the shopping crazies. Healthy I assume, but carefully chosen at some fast food place I am sure. Beware of the $1 Hot Dogs at Costco people. They are not our friends. Stay the course !!

DAY 209, FRIDAY, DEC 10, 2010 PART 4

2010-12-10T19:19:00.000-05:00

A great problem to have, albeit another expense that I don't need in my life. I bought 5 shirts last month. 3 of them are 2XL Tall, and 2 are 3XL Tall. Today I wore one of the 2XL Tall. As a frame of reference, I wore 2XL in 10th grade exclusively. The brand of choice was Ralph Lauren, and the model was the BIG OXFORD. They were Ralph Lauren's foray into larger clothing, and the 2XL was my shirt of choice. I had every color, pattern and design, in long sleeve of course. I was styling at 16 years old. This shirt in the picture is a 2XL Tall, sold at the Casual Male, in their brand name of Harbor Bay. I started this diet as a 6XL Tall.

Not a great picture, long day at work, and just getting in and cleaning up. The short sleeve dress shirt appears great, it is new, and there was no way I would have every thought that 30 years after being a 2XL I would get back there. Great, but the photo is very deceiving. You see that the shirt is new, and clean, and vey spiffy, well as spiffy as white Oxford shirts can be. Picure number 2 will show the problem.

As picture Number 2 shows, this 3 week old shirt is not even close to fitting. It seems that I am now an XL, borderline 2XL. My neck has gone from a 25" to a 19" size. Yeah, nothing seems to fit anymore. A great thing, but a complete wardrobe will have to wait until April. I will get more shirts, but the weekly purchases are a pain in the ass.

The last picture is me from the computer camera, wearing the 2x Costco glasses that I use to read. Not proud of the fact that the eyes are aging. I can't seem to get them to stay straight, not bend a lot, and fall apart. I keep getting the 3 for $19.99 type, and they should not be so fragile. The 1 for $19.99 pair fall apart just as quickly. One day, maybe a visit to an optometrist might be in order ?

I had some shrimp from the Asian delivery place. Not sitting so well right now. It is 7:20 PM on a Friday evening and after walking the dogs I am in for the night. Sue is on the couch, ready to fall asleep after her long day yesterday. Time for me to join her on the couch.

DAY 209, FRIDAY, DEC 10, 2010 PART 3

2010-12-10T13:03:00.000-05:00

     I have been reading the old posts, as it relates to my Challenge folks that are hard core 1200 calorie believers. This tasty tidbit was from DAY 7, MAY 23, 2010. Notice the similarity to every other day. Consistent, committed, already stop with the "he should be committed" crap.

Not so much the coffee that has me out at 8:00 am on this overcast and breezy spring morning but the opportunity to run into the gardener. Hoping he makes an appearance and remembers he is supposed to garden weekly. No sign of him in 3 weeks and the lawn is looking pretty rank. Slept ok last night, lots on my mind and nothing really in my stomach. Since the Thursday night into Friday morning poop explosion I have had nothing to sit down and gross people out about. A steady stream of piss, every hour or so, as my body rids itself of whatever has been building up this past year. Proper urine expulsion is one of the signals that the flow is working. With 64 plus ounces of fluids a day, I guess its either pee or explode. Since its my blog I must tell you that the urine is deep yellow and as you go reminds you of whatever liquids you put in, but not always in a sweet and pleasant way. No sign of the coffee staff and it is 8:16. Makes you wonder if this is an actual business or a front for something evil. Hmmm. Going to the supermarket after the coffee with Sue. She needs her weeks provisions of veggies and fruits and stuff. Me not so much. Different zero calorie beverages to keep things interesting, and some clear broths in the soup aisle for me. Its still more a mental diet, as the pangs are gone. More later.

And of course that night there was more:

Sunday night after a day of shopping and travel. Diet is in full swing, and it is becoming an after thought. Seven days into this, less than 4,000 calories for the week, Survivor food, with no rewards challenges. I am watching high stakes poker on TV. 8 guys playing no limit Hold em with a $500,000 buy in. A complete lack of respect for money from degenerate gamblers. Narrated by Mr Kotter and AJ Benza, it is great TV at times, akin to watching grass grow at other times. Pot amounts exceed 600,000 dollars often. Stacks of hundreds, wrapped in 10G parcels get me moist. Who knew this could be TV. Tonight also is Brett Michaels TV finale on the Celebrity Apprentice. Hope he wins, then drops from all the ailments, right there on the spot. That would be great TV, with Trump killing someone. Just kidding. The shirt I am wearing was snug last week. A little roomy tonight. Very proud that the week is over and that the second one is starting. If you are following this, and I know the mantra that you should "check with a doctor first" and this might not work for you, but give it a try if you feel a little heavy or are really heavy. Simple idea is that if you eat less, exercise a little and do nothing else, your body will adapt and lose fat. Science has confirmed it, I can vouch for it, and the first seven days will show you. Whatever you do, the point of this is to do something. You don't need to be model thin or built like a greek god, but healthy and lighter makes sense. Pix tomorrow

     At least I got the Celebrity Apprentice thing correct. I did get some nice comments the other day about how other people "brag" about their success and how writing about it is not bragging. Rather than say "brag" I will say I am "proud of my continued follow through". After 209 days with a lot of ups and downs, I have a diary to reflect on that guides me now through the challenges that food presents every day. These entries above were from the end of the first week on liquids, as part of the Bariatric guidelines I was following before going to 1200 very healthy and filling calories per day. I was only drinking 64 ounces of water back then as the information I had was from searching by myself online. The problem with Google is the amount of information thrown at you. If you search for the proper amount of water that a person is supposed to drink in a day, the 1,298,456 responses list anywhere from "a lot" to "64 ounces", to weight x 1/2 to a whole other crap load of stuff. As an obese person, I picked what sounded nifty and went with that. The medical info I have now is enlightening, and it is shared with not only my peeps, but anyone that asks.
     I will say that in looking back to move forward I can see that this is simple, but very hard. I bitched and moaned every day for the first week. I can understand the Challengers not being used to this, and what they are doing collectively is fantastic. Weigh in is Sunday, and on Monday morning I will post the first 6 days of results. With 65 people collectively involved I will be satisfied with no less than 200 pounds lost total. That's right, I said it, 200 pounds. That is over 3 pounds per person, in 6 days. Hold me to it, it is going to happen.

DAY 209, FRIDAY, DEC 10, 2010 PART 2

2010-12-10T10:54:00.000-05:00

The dogs would not leave me alone last night. Stanley kept begging for food, his cute grin coupled with his scratching paw always gets him something from the dinner table. Lola is no better, although she seemed adamant in pissing off Elvis, the blind terrier more than begging for food. Elvis growled at Lola, and Lola in turned bellowed and barked, releasing her inner Beagle. Peace was not happening, and at one point I thought about the story I would have to concoct explaining Lola's sudden passing to Sue. I figured that was harsh and I remembered Scooter. The first dog I ever shared my life with was a fantastic pet that cost me all of my 11th year birthday money. Scooter came out of a cardboard box sitting in a pet store, marked $4.99. He was perhaps the best bargain of my young life. He was definitely the best investment, for during his life he paid out years of devotion and friendship that my human friends could never give me. He was a great friend, protector and confidante. We went everywhere together and were inseparable.

On one of our many adventures, Scooter and I were visiting our favorite place. In the woods, across some railroad tracks, was a large stone yard. The slabs, mostly marble, were huge, as wide as the widest refrigerator and twice as long, weighing several tons each. The slabs were stacked 4 or 5 high with railroad ties on the ground and between the slabs to give the stacks stability. There were easily hundreds of stacks in about a 3 acre plot of land. Each stack was different in shape, height and stability. Some, we learned, would wobble when you jumped on them from another stack, much like the trick stones you see on some Disney rides at their theme parks.

My “gang”, which consisted of six or seven pre-teen boys and our dogs, frequented the marble yard on a daily basis. We played army war games, blew off fireworks, and, when the season was right, climbed high on the slab towers to reach the ripest and biggest mulberries on the big trees that hung over the stone yard and hid from the rest of the world. It was a great place that we all loved with the same passion our mothers and fathers loathed it. I don’t think there was one of us who had not gone home bloodied and broken from a fall. Nor was there one of us who had not been forbidden by our parents to be there, every day.

Only Scooter and I were in the marble yard. We had gotten into a game of hide and seek. I was jumping from stack to stack above, while he chased after me from fifteen feet below. Scooter anticipated every turn and jump I made and did not lose track of me. Not to be undone, I made some quick maneuvers, zig-zagging across four stacks of marble and quickly crouching down on the last one. I thought that this would surely confuse him. When I peeked over the edge a few seconds later, he was nowhere to be seen. I thought I had tricked him. A second later I heard him yelping and barking from what seemed to be pretty far away. I realized I hadn’t lost him. I had only lost his interest. He had found something more compelling to occupy his time. I jumped to a lower stack and then about a dozen feet down to a pile of soft dirt below and began looking for him, only to find that he hadn't been very far away at all. He had just been barking from inside a hole under one of the bottom slabs where an animal had apparently dug out a burrow between the railroad ties. The muffled bark had only made it seem that he was farther away. He was aggressively digging and barking under this slab, so I got down on my hands and knees to see if I could determine what he was after. I knew feral cats often had their kittens under the slabs, so it did not surprise me to see the silhouette of a cat back further in the dark. Scooter was excited, so I egged him on "get him Scooter, get him boy".

Now, before you think of me as a cat hater, please let me explain. Scooter was all bark. He always had been. I knew it and he knew it. He was a very fast dog. He had often chased cats and rabbits through our yard, and usually cornered them. When he did, he would stop and sit there not knowing what he was supposed to do next. He apparently knew that chasing cats, rabbits and squirrels was what dogs did, but I guess no one ever explained to him why. His modus operandi was to chase, corner, then back off and watch them. He never bit them, never growled and he never harmed them in any way. He just seemed to like to chase them.Unfortunately for him, usually when he backed off, the victim cat would give him a quick swipe with their claws before making their escape. Even then, Scooter did nothing, but wag his tail.

Knowing this, I had no reservations egging him on. After doing so, I maneuvered myself to the place I thought the cat would exit when Scooter successfully flushed him out so I could catch it to reassure it that we meant him or her no harm. Before I knew what was happening, the "cat" popped out from the darkness and, right before my eyes, mystically transformed itself into a skunk. A very angry skunk at that! I had almost no time to react as Scooter’s head came shooting out of the hole right behind the skunk and both were right there in my comfort zone. To be honest, I don't really remember what happened next. From Scooter grunting to pull himself out from under the marble slab to the chattering skunk, to my own heart thumping in my throat, there was just too much going on for it to register. The only thing I can state with certainty is that in the midst of all the confusion, the immediate area was enveloped in a rather sickening, disgusting cloud of skunk musk. Everything you see in the cartoons is true. Your eyes burn, your skin burns, your face burns and you cannot breathe without gagging. You cannot run fast enough to outrun the stench. You have to scrub yourself raw and when you are done doing that, you have to scrub again. Your clothes are permanent casualties and throwing them out is an option. Burying or burning them is a better one. If you have long hair, kiss it goodbye as well. And finally, you must scrub again. And if you are as fortunate as I was, there is the dog to take care of as well.

Scooter and I both learned a valuable lesson that day. Their silhouettes may be similar, but there is a big difference between kitties and skunks! You would think man’s best friend would know the difference!