I love the blog world, and I love reading the stories. There are great stories of urine out there, as you guys are just learning to process the correct amount of fluids. If a healthy person ingests 1/2 an ounce of fluids per pound of body weight, a 350 pound person is drinking over 175 ounces per day of fluids to just stay healthy. Along with all the fluids, comes these great stories of pee and poop.
About 3 years ago, Sue and I had gone to lunch at Chili's in Westbury. We would go there on Saturday's, as it is next to Target, Costco and the Lowe's Home Improvement that they had just built. Lunch was always an event for us, pre-diet of course. We got there at 11:45 AM, and took what had become our seats in the bar area, on a high top table. We always had the same table it seems, as we wanted to be there before the shopping crowds, and the booths were very snug against my humongous belly. We invariably ordered the same things. We started with the Nachos, individually coated in steak, guacamole and cheese, and plattered neatly, each one with a jalapeno slice. An order had 18 pieces or so, and we shared the appetizer while I had a Diet Coke and Sue had a glass of wine. As I have explained before, we would then order lunch. My favorite there is one of the most disgusting meals on the planet. The only way to explain it accurately is to be blunt and to the point. The Chicken Fried Steak Meal at Chili's is my Everest. Before the lunch, after the appetizer, I would have a cup of their Chili. Why go to Chili's and not have the chili is my point. Pre lunch, I am at 1,400 calories, with half the appetizer and the Chili. The Chicken Fried Steak meal as they serve it is 4,000 calories. That includes the taters, corn, garlic bread, the breaded and fried steak and the gravy. For dessert, you have to have the molten lava cake with the ice cream. My lunch at Chili's was 7,000 calories total, easily.
We finished the now weekly lunch meal, and headed over to Target. As I had breakfast on Saturday morning already, a slight 2,000 calories of fat and grease, my belly was a little full. Entering Target, I realized that it was a fortunate thing that the restrooms there were always shiny and clean. We entered the store, and all was ok. No warning, no need to rush to the toilet, just a feeling of warmth and satisfaction. I would be fine. Sue started in at the dollar section, a little side rack or two where they have some crap they are trying to move. We once got a coat for Lola there, so she likes to look around. I went off as men do, to the Electronics section. As Sue became engrossed in the dollar stuff, I started playing a little video hockey on the PS2 they were showing. Engaged with some little kid that was kicking my ass on the machine, I felt the first wave of lunch gurgle. Did I mention that I used to be able to poop the previous meal within an hour of consumption. Alot of the food stayed around obviously, but my bowels were in time with the Atomic clock for regularity. At my heaviest, the movements were solid and friendly, and I had an hour warning usually to do nature's business. As the 10th goal went through my video goalies legs, I had a pain that could only be akin to labor pangs when triplets are due.
There was no time to get across the store, and race approximately 100 yards to the men's room. Options were needed, and a quick thought process occurred. The store was sparsely populated, and the early crowd was not there yet. As there was no holiday, and it was just another Saturday, I could bolt to the bathroom, and it would be close. Panic ensued, and I started to sweat sausage gravy, with a hint of the loaded mashed potatoes that I had just put away. In my mind I needed to make a rapid decision. To the East, the men's room, with three stalls, one handicapped stall for us large guys, and assured fresh toilet paper. 100 yards, at a dash, I could make it in,,, a minute, who was I kidding. To the west, a vision only 4 aisles away, tucked into the far corner of the store, and away from prying eyes was option 2. Target had upgraded with an Isaac Mizrahi powder room collection. Beautiful towels, racks for the towels, toothpaste holders, soap dispensers, and the most outrageous porcelain toilets that a NY based drama queen could design. I had a split second to decide. Men's room was a maybe, Fancy accessories were easy to get to, but a little out in the open. I chose, ran, and all was cleaned and tidy within moments.
We are going this weekend to Lowe's to look at some shelves. We won't be going back to Chili's as the meals are in no way part of my life now. I smell Chilli's and I get heavy, so we drive on by. I need some shelves for the closet, as we are rearranging the bedroom this weekend. There is a sale as well at Target, if only I was allowed back in...
14 comments:
NO FUCKING WAY!!!! LOL!
I read these "what I used to eat posts" and I feel full after...hmmm...maybe I should come back here when I am hungry. lol. Have a good one.
I used to work at a regional chain restaurant. We had a meal - it was basically fried chicken fettucine alfredo, with a few broccoli florets for color. We referred to it as "heart attack on a plate."
HAHAHAHA Love it.
Today I had to sit in the stall at the office and cough politiely for 5 minutes before I could "unleash hell"
Yes, down here in the south we call that country fried steak. Comes with mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, and whatever other vegetables you should want. One of my favorites and I had enough of those to get me to 333 pounds. However, I don't miss them now and haven't had one since my surgery.
Here is another pee story for you. My grandmother was pretty young to be my grandmother. She had my dad at age 15. So she was in her early 60s when this used to happen. every week, her sister would pick her up and they would go shopping together. At least twice a month, the same thing would happen. I would be lying on the couch watching television as obese teenagers do. I would hear the car drive up and 3 seconds later the front door would slam open into the wall as my grandmother made a mad dash to the toilet. I didn't even have to ask what happened. My grandmother and great-aunt were great talkers and they had stumbled onto something that got them both laughing so hard that mamaw had to dash to the toilet to keep from peeing on herself. I wonder if that has happened to you, Allan? Ever laughed so hard you peed yourself? If I was going to have to pee myself I think laughing would be the most appropriate way to do it. :)
LOL. Hilarious!
And yes, country fried steak is awesome. I used to have that whenever we'd go to Cracker Barrell.
Loooooover country fried steak. Cubans have their own version: Bistec Empanizado. Stuff rocks Gibraltar!
But well, yeah, not good for anyone.
I can't eat at Chili's anymore. Not just cause of the diet. Cause of the eye-opening scary stuff about their food prep in THE END OF OVEREATING. I even ran to tell myhusband: No more Chili's. It's not even prepared there. They just ASSEMBLE the super duper fat-laden stuff.
Scared me, I tell ya.
I hate having to poop in a public venue. OMG. Trauma. I always look for a clear handicapped stall (when I was at my fattest, didnt' have a choice. Couldnt' fricken TURN AROUND in a normal one). I'd run the water, wet paper, get ready to do an "as good as I can manage lower body wash after" and use a baby wipe.
Hate doing Number twos anywhere but my or sibling homes. Embarrassing.
Oh and I was also the 1 hour after eating pooper when I ate mass quantities. I guess one's colon can only hold so much of an avalanche.
You were in my dream last night and you purchased some new pants.
Ah, great story! I am the same way - my husband always jokes with our friends that I know where every public bathroom is!
But now I want a molten lava cake!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now I have to run to the bathroom before I pee on myself!! LOL
Boy, and I thought daycare poop and peeing conversations were funny! Not only will I never be going to Chili's, I can't eat out at all! Oh, I will eventually of course but restaurants in general are my "everest". Even though they now HAVE healthy options, for some reason, when I cave and we go out, it's like "permission" for me to eat what I want. That's what started me on the downslope, allowing myself to go to restaurants. I could tell some poop stories of my own if I wasn't such a lady... :-)
laughed so hard and loud I nearly peed my pants...seriously.
LMAO! I want to believe that you are joking but having worked in retail stores before, we had a number of times (more than you would believe) where #2s appeared in the fitting rooms. Blecchh! For sanity's sake, I will choose to believe that your story was for entertainment value ONLY! ;) Thanks for the laughs either way!
OMG, I lamost forgot about Chili's, we had one here for what seemed a short time, by the time we found it, it about 35 mintues drive away from our home, but while it was there, OMG we loved it. We were told that they went broke in Australia :(
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